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Thread: Being called a very nasty insult by my partner - unsure whether to stay or leave

  1. #21
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    It seems this argument brought to light a lot of problems between you two, OP.

    He should never have called you a name like that. It was wrong. Full stop.

    However, it appears to be the symptom of bigger issues, as you acknowledge. He doesn't want to meet your family. He doesn't respect your career. He drinks too much. He evidently has problems controlling his anger and you generally feel undervalued and demeaned.

    Especially in light of his recent remark, this would be the ideal opportunity to ask yourself if you have reached the end of the road with him. It doesn't sound like there is much to work with here anymore.

  2. #22
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    Yes, I have made my decision Miss Canuck. He needs to be gone from my life. There's just no going back from what happened last weekend.

  3. #23
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    Itís wrong to name call , itís disrespectful.
    Is it abuse? Not necessarily. Anger issues? Possibly. Or other issues.

    Iím not condoning his behaviour , but I wouldnít condone yours either.

    You had plans.
    On your way, you asked him to change plans. He didnít really want to , it was a little unfair to ask him right there and then to meet your sister. He was apprehensive, many would be.
    And seeing the return traffic being as heavy as it was just added to that. He got cranky.
    But then you became childish and basically told him you were going and he could wait for you in the car. That was hardly fair.
    You decided to turn around. He never asked you to. Then you decide to turn again. And again he never asked you to.

    Then because the traffic had lightened ( neither you nor him had predicted that) you then go on to blame him for an unnecessary argument.

    So at the end of the day, you have not taken any responsibility and now tell him to wait around while you decide if you can forgive him , without any apology on your part?

    Your thread began with how everything was essentially great for the most part , but in your subsequent replies, you are complaining about so much more. So why are you still with him , when it sounds like you arenít happy with this on off relationship?

    There is definitely poor communication between you and itís coming from both sides.

    I think you should split because you are definitely incompatible.

    He may have anger issues.
    You may be manipulative.

    But when you both find compatible people these issues may subside within both of you but not together it seems.

  4. #24
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    Sorry Billie don't agree with your assessment. It sounds like you are projecting your past experiences. He was asked if he was OK with going. He said yes. He made plans for us to go visit a lake and I didn't even know about that plan until we were going to my sister's and arguing about the traffic (that is typical of him, I don't get a say in our plans - he's a control freak, that's why he freaked out, and when he freaks out he gets verbally & emotionally abusive.) I didn't get asked if I wanted to go there.

    I'm with him because when it's good it's very good. But at some point the good outweighs the bad and today is that day.

  5.  

  6. #25
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    Iím sorry Carly,

    I detest that word my first ex called me that all the time with other names. I feel heís being emotionally abusive. You just donít treat someone like that.

    Youíre way better off without him!

  7. #26
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    Carly, I have been reading a lot about abusive relationships lately, and yeah those extreme highs and lows can be so addicting!

    Make it difficult to leave.

    I am glad you made the decision to go; you appear to be a very strong woman, it will be tough for awhile, you may even feel at times you want to go back, once the anger subsides. It's not uncommon to feel that way.

    Stay strong and take care of you! xx

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by carly1983
    Sorry Billie don't agree with your assessment. It sounds like you are projecting your past experiences. He was asked if he was OK with going. He said yes. He made plans for us to go visit a lake and I didn't even know about that plan until we were going to my sister's and arguing about the traffic (that is typical of him, I don't get a say in our plans - he's a control freak, that's why he freaked out, and when he freaks out he gets verbally & emotionally abusive.) I didn't get asked if I wanted to go there.

    I'm with him because when it's good it's very good. But at some point the good outweighs the bad and today is that day.
    ďbecause of the traffic it meant we'd probably miss our plans for the eveningĒ

    Sorry but your story is changing. You said ďOURĒ plans.
    He didnít say an outright yes to going , you said he was resistant to going.

    Iím not projecting anything just seeing things from an outside perspective.

    Iím unsure as to what the point of your thread is now?
    It seems you want this relationship to be labelled as an abusive one and get defensive if one doesnít.

    No one has suggested you remain in the relationship regardless.

  9. #28
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    Yes - "our" plans that he had made. As I mentioned, that happens a lot. As long as I don't express my needs, boundaries, desires, and go with the flow we're all good. But I can't ask the same of him.

    He told me he was happy to go, then changed his mind on our way when he saw the traffic. I knew he didn't want to meet my sister and felt rejected so asked him if he wanted to wait outside, yes it wasn't nice, but neither was him berating me over the traffic when he'd already consented to going, and told me he needed a place to pee so let's go.

    There isn't much point to this thread now but sounds like perhaps you believe I deserve being verbally attacked for my actions. Would you insult someone like this in the same circumstance?

    Either way, I have no idea of your background or where you're coming from, I've made my choice about this relationship, let's agree to disagree.

  10. #29
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    Carly, try and focus on positive versus negative, even these posts.

    The positive -- you made the best decision for you and that's all that matters!!

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by carly1983
    Yes - "our" plans that he had made. As I mentioned, that happens a lot. As long as I don't express my needs, boundaries, desires, and go with the flow we're all good. But I can't ask the same of him.

    He told me he was happy to go, then changed his mind on our way when he saw the traffic. I knew he didn't want to meet my sister and felt rejected so asked him if he wanted to wait outside, yes it wasn't nice, but neither was him berating me over the traffic when he'd already consented to going, and told me he needed a place to pee so let's go.

    There isn't much point to this thread now but sounds like perhaps you believe I deserve being verbally attacked for my actions. Would you insult someone like this in the same circumstance?

    Either way, I have no idea of your background or where you're coming from, I've made my choice about this relationship, let's agree to disagree.
    Name calling is not an appropriate way to manage emotions under any circumstances. That being said, at the end of the day it doesn't matter whether the relationship is abusive or not... what matters is whether you are happy and feel safe.

    OP You don't have to wait for a relationship to become abusive before you leave it, nor do you have to wait for us to validate that it is abusive before you leave it. We can leave a relationship the moment we feel it isn't working for us anymore. I say this because some of us will wait until that moment we are being called a c**t or some other horrible name to justify leaving... when in reality there was a build up of sh*tty behavior all along that we didn't need to accept.

    You are looking for ways to justify calling this an abusive relationship so that you can validate your reason to leave but you don't need to do this OP. If you are unhappy with how he is treating you, as an adult with free will you can choose to leave.

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