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Thread: Being called a very nasty insult by my partner - unsure whether to stay or leave

  1. #11
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    To be a good catch, they have to be sane and have a good attitude.

  2. #12
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    I have been in a physically abusive relationship before, many years ago. The abuse only occurred once and I moved out straight away. But my point is, it was preceded by months of emotional abuse and right before the physical abuse, there was verbal abuse just before the event too. The emotional abuse was so subtle that I was only able to see it in hindsight how it was building up to the physical stuff and destabilising me on purpose.

    So instances where your significant other, the person who is supposed to love and protect you, calls you a c--t - I doubt that it is "simply not getting along with someone" as the poster above suggests. It actually felt very similar to the other time when I got socked in the face. This verbal assault left no bruise but it hurt as much. It was like a verbal punch in the gut that left me reeling, and the emotional abuse and manipulation afterwards just made it all worse.

    I'd like to hear from someone who got called a c--t in their relationship, one person admitted fault, and then nothing bad every happened again and they lived happily ever after. I'm not sure there are too many of those scenarios out there. Most of the time, the verbal abuse will continue or get worse.

    I know I have been in denial because I love him dearly.

  3. #13
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You yourself called it a 'nasty insult' in your topic. Perhaps my issue is with the word 'abuse.' To me, abuse occurs in situations where the victim is helpless. For example, a parent could be verbally abusive to a child who has no way of escaping it.

    You were certainly not helpless. You always had the ability to remove yourself from the name calling.

    What would I call someone who calls you a c---t? A nasty, uncivilized bore.

    Maybe you should examine why you seem to be drawn to men who don't respect you.

  4. #14
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    "Anyway, on our way back from a restaurant this weekend, I realised we would be sort of passing my sister's land (and she was spending the day there). He had dodged every opportunity to meet my family and friends. I sort of sprung it on him and suggested we go visit and meet her, just briefly. I've met some of his family but he's never seemed interested in meeting mine. He was resistant but also needed to use the restroom so agreed.

    However, we saw very heavy traffic on our way there because it turns out there was a festival we didn't know about and he realised we'd be sitting in that traffic on our way back. He turned nasty and started yelling and berating me about my decision to make this detour (because of the traffic it meant we'd probably miss our plans for the evening, which were plans we could easily reschedule as it was just a walk around a lake.) I got the strong impression he really didn't want to meet her and he seemed really nervous. I got upset and said, "fine, sit in the car, if you really don't want to go in." He then said "why are you being such a c--t". "


    I don't think you were acting in an abusive way. However I do think you were pressuring him to stop to meet your family and during a long road trip where there might be horrible traffic. Then you told him he could sit in the car -that's not the kindest response either given his reluctance and the circumstances. He should not hurl insults (!!) and I can see where he felt trapped/cornered/perhaps manipulated by you. He doesn't want to meet your family. The end. Had he agreed in advance and there was a plan then yes he should be an adult and go with you. But you sprung it on him at a time that seemed practical to you "in the neighborhood" but makes little sense with a person who doesn't want to meet them. Again not justifying his reaction I can just see his side of it.

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  6. #15
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    He's called me a spastic before, as mentioned. He puts me down a lot teasingly and then tells me he's joking and it's all banter. I am a bit of sick of that to be honest. I've asked him repeatedly to tone it down to no avail.

    The same day this happened, I told him a sensitive story from my past and he used it against me to criticise me. I could go on. He drinks too much (he says he does it out of boredom and will stop when we move in together).

    Not only has he never wanted to meet anyone important to me, he just doesn't show enough interest in my life. He's had periods where he just doesn't reply to anything and then calls me up as if nothing's happened. When we argue, he often stonewalls me. I'm lucky if he even engages, and if he does, it's to lose his temper.

    He criticises my line of work and doesn't seem to respect it much even though I've won multiple awards. He seems jealous or unsupportive.

    He never comes to visit me and rarely takes me out - I always have to go to his house otherwise we wouldn't see each other. He says it's because he likes a beer after work and won't be able to drive home. He makes set plans that are chosen by him and doesn't want to do anything that isn't in his plan, and I often have to go along for the ride (I think that's why he lost his temper and called me a c--t).

    I actually think he wants to move in with me to halve his bills, have someone to have sex with, companionship and cooking (I'm a chef).

    The relationship has a lot problems. I think this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. It's not all been terrible there have been good times in between. I love him very much but I am worried about where it's going and I'm walking on eggshells all the time which is never a good sign.

    As mentioned in my original post, I was in a relationship with someone who socked me in the face about 10 years ago. It seemed out of the blue but looking back it was preceded by months of the sort of emotional manipulation my current partner likes to engage in, and some verbal abuse shortly before. I'm not saying this one will hit me, but in some ways I've been here before and I'm wary.

    There is never a good reason to call your partner a c--t.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member JA0371's Avatar
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    Yes you are being abused...if so me thing that small can end up,with him calling you names, make NO mistake in thinking he would never hit you. Even if he didnít hit you youíre still being abused. I would definitely end it now...and not in person.

  8. #17
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    Should he have said it? No.

    But I don't think this one instance of calling you a 'c--t' constitutes being abusive. He had to pee, was stuck in heavy traffic, and was being manipulated into a situation he didn't want to be in, which he made clear.

    He doesn't want to meet your family. There's not much reason pursuing it further. I'd say the two of you are simply incompatible.

  9. #18
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    On the way, I asked him outright if he'd rather not go. He said OK, he'll go meet them but later seemed resistant once we were on our way. He is passive aggressive and behaves like a martyr, he agrees to things that he doesn't want to do and punishes me for it later.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You asked him to tone down and he hasn't, so he doesn't care enough about you to improve. And you can't hope for change about his drinking issues, because what you see is what you get. If he really wanted to show how he could easily achieve this goal and found it to be important, he'd be working on it now.

    I'd take this as a major life lesson so that moving forward, you won't waste as much time on people who possess dealbreakers, in the future.

    I know that in my first marriage, we called each other names in arguments, which ate away at the love we had for each other (amongst other things). I especially hate the C word above all others, because it's a severe hatred against a gender. When I met my future husband, while dating, I told him we needed to establish rules about arguments and one of those things was that we not call each other names or belittle each other, which we've stuck to.

    Keep cutting the losers loose so that you will be free for someone who treats you like the treasure you are. Take care.

  11. #20
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    carly, you had a big fight and he called you a c**nt.

    You also seem intent on describing all his other qualities that you consider "abusive."

    When some posters voiced a different view, you're quick to once again describe all his qualities that would deem him an "abuser" in your view. Manipulating, gaslighting, etc.

    So, given how you feel, that you feel he's being mentally abusive, and an abuser then why don't you just end it?

    You don't need anyone's permission or to continue railing the guy to justfy leaving.

    Personally, given everything you wrote, over and above him calling you a c**t and "spastic" I might consider ending it.

    But it's not my call, or anyone else's, it's yours. He's your boyfriend, the one experiencing this.

    You don't like it, you deem it mental abuse, or just shytty behaviour, then get out!

    It's that simple.

    Again you don't need anyone's permission, or to continue berating him to justify it. It would appear you know exactly what's happening, the overall dysfunction, and what to do.

    I'm sorry you're going through this, best of luck moving forward.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-23-2019 at 09:55 AM.

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