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Thread: My sister is trying to come between my niece and i

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    The thing is if you and your sister are at odds seeing her IS going to be difficult. I have an ex sister-in-law who decided my mom and I canít see my brotherís 3 girls. We just see them when they are with my brother and when they are not with friends.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Imagine the OP as a dude. I'm gonna put it plainly because I think you need to hear it. You're acting creepy, lady. I don't know what kind surrogate you're using her as, but you gotta stop, and you should strongly consider some form of help. My spidey senses would be tingling if I were the mother, too. And I'm honestly not convinced the mom isn't actually playing the "bad guy" for her daughter's benefit. She's practically a teenager and you're asking the mother when you can see her? With respect to an aunt or uncle asking if they can take their niece or nephew out to dinner for their birthday, there's something about asking her that way that puts me off. She's not a newborn. You're not her friend from down the block knocking on the door. Why aren't you asking your sister when you can come visit her? Or inviting your sister and by extension her daughter to dinner at your place? I can imagine that aside from what many would understandably interpret as an unhealthy fascination with her child, she doesn't much appreciate you essentially treating her as a vessel to hang out with her kid.

  3. #13
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    I know you love your niece but this is your sisterís child and her relationship with her supersedes your relationship with her.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by SueEvans
    I AM not angry at Annabelle seeing her friends at all - heck, sheís nearly a teenager for Christ sakes. I was exactly the same at her age. I just want to make plans to spend time with her, when appropriate and when she wants to see me as well, without her mother stopping it for no other reason.

    Why do you keep twisting my words and using them against me? I will state again:

    Annabelle loves to spend time with me and wants to but her mum makes it difficult.
    I absolutely agree she should spend time with her friends and understand they are more peer focused at this age.
    All I want is to have a relationship with my niece without having any drama. Before anyone says it, no I donít want her constant company but I just want to continue taking her out and/or spend time with her.

    Iím done here because yíall intent on having a go at me rather than offering helpful advice.
    But you see any change in plans as an affront to you - and you are mad at your sister. You DO have a relationship with your niece. I have great relationships with my aunts growing up. Sometimes i would see them every week, sometimes i would go 2 months without seeing them. That's how it works with aunts. Maybe twice a year i would do something with my aunt who was my godmother one on one -- an outing of some sort or going to lunch or the theater without my parents. my parents had a good relationship with her and wasn't blocking her. She didn't have kids, btw. Take what you can get without being mad at your sister and you will reap the benefits later

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    Imagine the OP as a dude. I'm gonna put it plainly because I think you need to hear it. You're acting creepy, lady. I don't know what kind surrogate you're using her as, but you gotta stop, and you should strongly consider some form of help. My spidey senses would be tingling if I were the mother, too. And I'm honestly not convinced the mom isn't actually playing the "bad guy" for her daughter's benefit. She's practically a teenager and you're asking the mother when you can see her? With respect to an aunt or uncle asking if they can take their niece or nephew out to dinner for their birthday, there's something about asking her that way that puts me off. She's not a newborn. You're not her friend from down the block knocking on the door. Why aren't you asking your sister when you can come visit her? Or inviting your sister and by extension her daughter to dinner at your place? I can imagine that aside from what many would understandably interpret as an unhealthy fascination with her child, she doesn't much appreciate you essentially treating her as a vessel to hang out with her kid.
    I agree - you should invite your sister and Annabel out for a girls lunch, etc. or something.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I got a weird vibe from the accounting of this situation as well. Maybe it was because Op chose to call her niece "Annabelle" which is the name of a very bad doll in a very creepy horror film (???)

    Op: See your niece when she is at your mothers until she is old enough to decide for herself whether or not she wants to hang with you one-on-one. Not too much other advice can be given, really.

    Oh, btw: The fact that you were able to "remain thin" seems to be an odd thing to choose as to why your sister may be jealous of you. Surely there are other, more important reasons that would have convinced us that you could be right. No?
    My sister has always been very jealous of me because I have managed to keep my weight down over the years and a whole load of other things that are too long and complicated to go into her

  8. #17

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    Thatís the thing though, we are not at odds - my sister is being very two faced about the whole thing - calling me up, wanting to spend time with me and asking my advice on random other drama in her life. Itís when my back is turned she stabs me in the back but basically if I want ANY chance to see my niece, I have to see my sister.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SueEvans
    if I want ANY chance to see my niece, I have to see my sister.
    The horror.

  10. #19
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    Okay ,but it is HER daughter .

    Originally Posted by SueEvans
    Thatís the thing though, we are not at odds - my sister is being very two faced about the whole thing - calling me up, wanting to spend time with me and asking my advice on random other drama in her life. Itís when my back is turned she stabs me in the back but basically if I want ANY chance to see my niece, I have to see my sister.

  11. #20
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    As a mother I would LOVE to have a sister that was so involved in my kids' lives.
    It is EASIER to blame YOU, than take responsibility got her failure to have a good relationship with her daughter.
    There is a BIG difference between being a mom and an aunt. A doting aunt CAN spoil the kids with attention, love and affection - where as a parent ALSO have to discipline, set boundaries and parent the kids. Doesn't mean that a MOM can't be as close to her kids as an aunt, or closer.
    With all that said, YOU need to pull back. If your sister feel you are too involved, then pull back. TALK to your sister about a more "suitable" (for your sister) schedule.
    THAT way the niece doesnt miss out on a good aunt and you aren't being the "competition" to the mom. I'd SUCK it up for the KIDS sake.
    And yes, it IS easier for you to be the "exciting" and "happy", "supportive" etc. adult. YOU don't HAVE to deal with the kids 24/7, teenagers can be nice when they want to, but they can also be quite a handful. Something YOU as an aunt wouldn't have to deal with. YOU only have to deal with the "entertainment" side of the deal.
    So you have to decide, your pride or be in your nieces life

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