I Want to be Friends With Her Again

So, this was my first ‘serious’ relationship and the furthest I have ever gotten compared to my non serious relationship.

We were together officially for 6 months but we said unofficially for about 10, we did everything together. We had gotten to a stage where intimate touching happened often. A month before our 6 month anniversary she had suddenly said that she would be moving 7 hours away to study at a university. I tried to talk her out of it, not because I was being selfish but because I know her inside and out, and I know she would not be able to last in a long distance relationship and because it was my first official relationship I wasn’t sure if I would be able to.

We had a little fight and I eventually said that I would move with her (the reasons I didn’t to begin with is because I have a stable job with good pay, free housing and am midway through studying engineering at one of the best universities in the state). She had said a few days later that she wasn’t sure if she would be able to continue the relationship. I apologized and explained to her what I meant by it. She then a few days later became hugely apologetic and said that she misunderstood what I meant by it. Things went back to normal and even got a lot better for a week or 2 but after that she became extremely withdrawn and seemed to get annoyed with me for things that she did constantly. She did this for a week or 2 and then suddenly she apologized again and said that she still held onto it and that she needed my help to move on. I began researching intensively about relationship stuff and tried to help her. It took her 2 and a half weeks to end it suddenly, even though our effort had started to work as we had began getting closer again.

 

Ok sorry for the long backstory, just thought it would be helpful to get better advice.

 

After 2 weeks my ex and I message for like an hour and I ask if she wants to go out as friends to the movies, she says yeah but something may come up and I say it’s fine. Something comes up so I ask what about this other day, she says yeah and she has nothing coming up. The next day I go to ask her something stupid as a joke and see she has blocked me. When we were in a relationship I became good friends with one of her friends (something that I asked my ex if she was ok with because I didn’t want her to become jealous, she was ok with it), I ask her if she knows why my ex blocked me and she said that my ex constantly says she hates me.

 

I do not want to get back with her because I see that it was a toxic relationship, I just want to go back to being friends with her. What do I do?

Sorry to hear this. Pull back and do not use the friendzone route to attempt to change her mind and reconcile. She can't miss you or think or reflect if you pester her this much. Relax and focus on your job, studies, friends, family and interests. Do not zero in on someone like this, it's smothering.

Rejection is painful but necessary at times. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you and doesn't respect you. I'm really sorry to hear about the way things turned out. It's difficult but let her go and focus your energies elsewhere.

I do not want to get back with her because I see that it was a toxic relationship,

Then why on earth are you even contemplating being in a friendship with someone that you can't keep it together with and when you are together, it's toxic? You just want to keep her as a "friend" because you're addicted to having her in your life (even for the short period of time she was in it).

Besides: She's moving 7 hours away, what kind of a "friendship" would you be able to nurture with that wrench in the gears?

 

Just go zero contact now, delete HER friend from your social media and start rehabbing from your addiction to her so you can find someone you can be in a non-toxic relationship with.

I can understand wanting to salvage a friendship with someone youre close with

 

But you have to be realistic...

 

First things first, you cant force someone to be your friend past the 2nd grade, so if she isnt interested theres nothing you can do

 

Second, you are in no position to be her friend right now, its been weeks, you need time to differentiate, and see her in a different light

 

In other words you have to crawl before you walk, you have to heal before you can rebuild the friendship. If theres anything worth rebuilding, until you can see clearly its best to assume your emotions are clouded.