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Thread: Just want an opinion

  1. #21
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    So here we have a widow who was married for 37 years.

    For every 5 years a person was married, it can take 1 to 1.5 years to get over the rebound period. So in this case, it could take 7 to 10 years or more for her to get over the loss of her husband and be ready to love another again.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    So here we have a widow who was married for 37 years.

    For every 5 years a person was married, it can take 1 to 1.5 years to get over the rebound period. So in this case, it could take 7 to 10 years or more for her to get over the loss of her husband and be ready to love another again.
    Add to that, he was a nasty individual and fooling around on her.

    OP, this woman needs some serious counseling, and not only for the care taking bit.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    And mankind would screech to a grinding halt.🤣😱 Where exactly are these formulas from? 🤖
    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    So in this case, it could take 7 to 10 years or more for her to get over the loss of her husband and be ready to love another again.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Most perfectly good people are just NOT our match. Grasping that allow us to allow wrong matches to pass early. Dating is supposed to be a process of screening OUT wrong matches rather than latching onto them to try to convert them into the match we want them to be. If we stick around to fall in love with wrong matches, that still won't renovate them into the right lover, so we each need to learn how to cut our losses whenever someone is best loved from far away.

    We can use our experiences to damage ourselves and play small with the future, or we can use our experiences to build confidence in lessons learned as we apply them to new experiences IF we remain open to having those. It's a decision.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    So here we have a widow who was married for 37 years.

    For every 5 years a person was married, it can take 1 to 1.5 years to get over the rebound period. So in this case, it could take 7 to 10 years or more for her to get over the loss of her husband and be ready to love another again.
    There is a difference between divorce and being widowed. There are other emotions in a divorce - it is like a death - but the fact the person lives creates a different dynamic. SOmetimes the "uncoupling" of a divorce goes through periods of trying to be friends, etc etc.

    If a spouse had been dying for a long time (cancer, etc.) sometimes the surviving spouse has processed some of their grief already and there are people that remarry 3-5 years down the road and the new spouse doesn't feel the other person is on the "rebound" but also doesn't attempt to squelch out any mention of their late husband or wife.

    So I do not think that we should assume she should not date for 10 years. She had one foot out the door before he got hurt.

    I know a couple who both lost their spouses - and the four were friends for many years - they married and while they have many new and wonderful years, they don't *not* talk about their late spouses. They are free to do so.

    That is the thing -- it could be they are simply not right for eachother. He deserves to be with someone gushy about their emotions if that is what really makes him tick and she deserves to be with someone who won't feel threatened if she mentions her late spouse -

  7. #26
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    Well everyone. I have seen a lot of opinions, thoughts and so forth. I actually loved this woman dearly. I just believe it wasn't time for her. She get extremely upset if I looked at another female. She got terribly upset over me PM a a female on Facebook. I knew this female on FB and wanted to simply ask a question. No harm - so I thought. I wanted to make that my GF new about it, so I told her. I had nothing to hide. Well, that flew like a ton of bricks. I told her that yes, me and this female DID dance like a year and half before we met and that I did meet this female at a outdoor tiki bar. Where this woman told me she was married. So that was that. I never saw her again except on Facebook. When I told my GF it was way b4 we met, she asked me how'd I feel if the guy she dated b4 me talked - I said "I don't care. It was b4 me".


    Anyways, thanks all for opinions. It is over and there's radio silence coming from her end. I would love nothing more than to talk. Doesn't look like it. So - next bus please....

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    Well everyone. I have seen a lot of opinions, thoughts and so forth. I actually loved this woman dearly. I just believe it wasn't time for her. She get extremely upset if I looked at another female. She got terribly upset over me PM a a female on Facebook. I knew this female on FB and wanted to simply ask a question. No harm - so I thought. I wanted to make that my GF new about it, so I told her. I had nothing to hide. Well, that flew like a ton of bricks. I told her that yes, me and this female DID dance like a year and half before we met and that I did meet this female at a outdoor tiki bar. Where this woman told me she was married. So that was that. I never saw her again except on Facebook. When I told my GF it was way b4 we met, she asked me how'd I feel if the guy she dated b4 me talked - I said "I don't care. It was b4 me".


    Anyways, thanks all for opinions. It is over and there's radio silence coming from her end. I would love nothing more than to talk. Doesn't look like it. So - next bus please....
    If you met a lady at a tiki bar and danced with her thinking she was available and then found out she was married - why would you add her on facebook?
    I was thinking that you asked a question of someone you graduated with, a work colleague or your neighbor - i would totally be on board with you there. I would not be pleased if my guy was friends on social media with someone he had a flirtation with and that was the only real tie for their friendship. Like why even bother with that person?

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If you met a lady at a tiki bar and danced with her thinking she was available and then found out she was married - why would you add her on facebook?
    I was thinking that you asked a question of someone you graduated with, a work colleague or your neighbor - i would totally be on board with you there. I would not be pleased if my guy was friends on social media with someone he had a flirtation with and that was the only real tie for their friendship. Like why even bother with that person?
    Well, when I met this woman at the tiki bar, she told me that she was married and that her husband was a porn addict. She needed someone to talk to. I felt bad for her. After that, I really never saw her again. She sent me a friend request way before I met my GF (now former). Really, there was NO flirtation, NO feelings for this chick in the first place - NONE. Again, who cares, the past is the past, I danced with her and that WAS it. No sex, no kiss, nothing! My now former GF had communication quite often with her first husband - I never said a word. Never. Because I am sure of myself and don't have trust issues or low self-esteem. So, I didn't care if she talked to her ex husband...

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    Well, when I met this woman at the tiki bar, she told me that she was married and that her husband was a porn addict. She needed someone to talk to. I felt bad for her. After that, I really never saw her again. She sent me a friend request way before I met my GF (now former). Really, there was NO flirtation, NO feelings for this chick in the first place - NONE. Again, who cares, the past is the past, I danced with her and that WAS it. No sex, no kiss, nothing! My now former GF had communication quite often with her first husband - I never said a word. Never. Because I am sure of myself and don't have trust issues or low self-esteem. So, I didn't care if she talked to her ex husband...
    soo...you say there is no flirtation -- but allowing a married woman to confide in you about her marriage is emotional affair territory even if you were not interested. That really crosses a line for her marriage. Its really questionable that you would insert yourself into her situation and try to hang onto her.

    You must be talking about a different gf because isn't her husband dead?

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