Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 29

Thread: Just want an opinion

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,449
    So, question. in an opinion do you think this woman still had anger/emotional bonds with deceased husband?
    Of course she had emotional bonds, they were together for 37 years.

    Telling someone they need therapy. Yes you do if you care about them
    IMO if you care about someone you don't dismiss how they are feeling by telling them they need therapy. Sure you can gently suggest it if she is actually open to hearing it after you have provided a supportive and safe space for her to express how she feels... but then you need to let it go.

    It sounds like she was pretty shut down and withdrawn after having gone through all of the stress of having to be a caregiver and perhaps wasn't ready for the kind of relationship you wanted when you guys met. I am not sure I would gauge the level of intimacy by whether my SO shares their financial info with me or whether I had seen pictures of them when they were little, I go by how far they let me in when it comes to their emotions and feelings.

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd say, after everything, it might be best to learn from the experience and turn on more filters when dating. It doesn't mean you have to be resentful or bitter, just more aware. When each relationship ends, there is a silver lining. That silver lining are the lessons we should learn from them even if it means acknowledging our own shortcomings. The beauty of relationships is that it teaches us a lot about ourselves. We don't have any power over others but it can teach us a lot about ourselves and give us more direction in where we want to go or the people we hope to be.

    I can only suggest in future not to move in with someone until you know them very well. Just as she might not have been ready to date, you should have picked up on those signs or given each other enough time to see those signs. You shouldn't keep going over her past or what type of person she was. It's counterproductive replaying injustices towards you. You already know deep down what her shortcomings were. The focus now should be on you and rebuilding your life. I feel like you've allowed the failure of this relationship to add to the failure or ending of your previous marriage. This is not an indication of your character entirely. Don't allow it to be. Keep growing.
    Yep. I agree. Not sure how old a lot of people are on this site. But, I will say this. Dating/relationships suck after 50. And I am 56. Not real fun to date to be honest. Why you see so many "older" dudes at neighborhood bars. Talk to them, they'll all say "Nope, it sucks."

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,742
    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    Yep. I agree. Not sure how old a lot of people are on this site. But, I will say this. Dating/relationships suck after 50. And I am 56. Not real fun to date to be honest. Why you see so many "older" dudes at neighborhood bars. Talk to them, they'll all say "Nope, it sucks."
    It is not easy for women, either.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,825
    Gender
    Female
    When someone tells you "i love you", especially if the person is not an open book, its very troubling that someone has to analyze it as "meaningless" It probably took her a little longer to feel it and when she did, it was genuine. There are people that do not gush. She says "i love you" by having you live with her, and in other ways surely.

    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    Just to be clear. Thank you everyone for your honest answers. I truly thought she was the 'one'. She truly a wonderful woman who I loved very much. I just believe she was not in a good place in her life to be in a committed relationship with me. Before I met her, I was married and went through divorce. The divorce wasn't bad, the events leading up to it were. So, it took me 4 years before I met her. She'd been a widow for less than 2. I do think she simply was not ready. She called me "Bob" a lot. The husbands name. Ladies, I don't think you'd dig it if your partner/boyfriend called you his last one often would you. And to abitborken, yes it was my business about the money. We lived together and I was paying half of the mortgage each month for a $500,000 house which technically was not mine.
    Its still not your business as long as she is paying the agreed to bills with no delay. There was no talk of marriage - just living together.

    If you agreed to paying half the mortgage for rent, you agreed to paying half the mortgage as rent. You cannot resent her for what you agreed to. You could have gone in on different terms -- offered the terms of "i will take over these utility bills" If you did not keep a separate residence -- even if you rented it out, etc, - that's your decision. If you were renting a condo or had a male roommate - you would be paying half, as well.

    Also, if you are paying half the mortgage as rent -- and she is paying half the mortgage and all the utilities, in a way that might even out to her paying the mortgage in entirety. She also pays insurance and taxes.

    As far as the Bob thing - old habits die hard. She is very used to saying that name. It may or may not be a reflection on anything more than that

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    23,825
    Gender
    Female
    If things were reversed and she were a man and you were a woman -- he would be looked at as an amazingly devoted husband to have cared for his late wife for 16 years while she was paralyzed, would be seen as a good provider with a successful career, etc. No one would fault a man like that for not being overly gushy and one would encourage you to not look at how gushily they say "i love you" but other factors. And they would say "wow, no ex to deal with" Just food for thought.

    Do what you want. But keep in mind, you may find the next woman has teenagers, is juggling visits with a non-amicable ex and you complain how dramatic and emotional she is.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If things were reversed and she were a man and you were a woman -- he would be looked at as an amazingly devoted husband to have cared for his late wife for 16 years while she was paralyzed, would be seen as a good provider with a successful career, etc. No one would fault a man like that for not being overly gushy and one would encourage you to not look at how gushily they say "i love you" but other factors. And they would say "wow, no ex to deal with" Just food for thought.

    Do what you want. But keep in mind, you may find the next woman has teenagers, is juggling visits with a non-amicable ex and you complain how dramatic and emotional she is.
    LOL, yep. Then again at my age, kids are gonna be grown and gone. Also, the husband actually was not very nice to her. He went and got his d*^k sucked at some house, by a male. And did this several times. She did tell me that. And the love letters he wrote to their secretary while they had a private practice. Yea, she had trust and jealousy issues. She did not like it if I casually spoke to another woman.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Posts
    1,971
    If it were me? I would not want to be the third wheel to a ghost who didn't treat the lady well.

    Co-dependency on her part with the deceased philanderer (bi at that?) is not really the kind of loyalty I find attractive.

    Again, that's just me. I'd fade out of this relationship.

  9. #18
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Age
    38
    Posts
    214
    Gender
    Female
    Are you guys still together?

  10. #19
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    24
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    Are you guys still together?
    No. Sadly.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    20,742
    Originally Posted by skysurfer
    No. Sadly.
    Why would you want to be with someone who never let you in?

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •