Advise please

So i need unbiased advice.

I am a mother of 8 & 9 year old children. They have not seen their father in 3 years. My daughter definitely considers my bf of 4 years (off and on) her dad. I love this man and so do they. He also has a 11 year old son who almost never wants to come over. We maybe see him once a month. This child has told me several times he does not like me but tells his dad that is a lie (calls me a liar). This child has been raised very differently than i have raised mine. He sits in front if a screen all day and never goes outside or makes any noise. Mine dont even like screens. They are outside kids. They think the screens are only for when it's raining. Both he and his father never admit they do anything wrong and he has never had to pay any consequences for any of his actions. Never been grounded, never had time out, nothing. This creates an issue, when my children get angry that they ate in trouble when he is not. I tell them, that i have no control over how his parents handle his behavior but i do over their behavior. Ive explained how i want them to be better and do better because i care. My bf and I have split several times over the double standard his child brings to my home,but like I mentioned he only comes over when he wants too which isnt often.

Now, my boyfriend has started acting as though he is annoyed by every noise my kids make. We have argued about it and he says what have I done (never at fault) the answer is nothing but sigh loudly and leave the room. This morning on our way to school my son tells me he acted this way over a dropped fork last night.

I dont know what to do.

"I don't know what to do."

- I think you do.

Get rid of [boy] friend and concentrate on raising your kids to be smart and independent.

Do you live together? Why is it on/off? Stop comparing your kids to his kid. Stop criticizing his kid. His child is his and the child's mother's business. It's not your place or your job to discipline his child. Stop picking on this kid. The problem is your bf and the unstable relationship, not an innocent 11 y/o.

Petition for child support from your children's father on their behalf. Stop the hatred toward their father. Develop a better relationship with your children and focus on them. Ask them to try to get along with his kid when he comes over. Do not let this bf pick on your children either. Consider throwing him out for good.

Go to family therapy with only you and your children, clearly you have problems with them but instead choose to pick on his kid. You need to reconsider this incompatible unstable relationship. You and your bf are harming all three children with your egos and parenting power struggles. Sad that you and your bf's crazy adult wars are harming the kids, making them act out and your egos are so in the way, you blame the kids for the problems you and your bf create. Just stop. Get yourself into therapy asap.

4 years (off and on)

 

This child has been raised very differently than i have raised mine.

Both he and his father never admit they do anything wrong and he has never had to pay any consequences for any of his actions.

my children get angry that they ate in trouble when he is not.

My bf and I have split several times over the double standard his child brings to my home.

His kid is confused, perhaps by his mother. You can work on it, but don’t let it affect your kids.