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Thread: "Rules" of texting after a first date

  1. #1
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    "Rules" of texting after a first date

    I rarely ask for advice on here, but I figured it couldn't hurt. You guys always help with grounding.

    Had a great first date with a guy on Friday. Ended up lasting four hours, because we lost track of time, and we had a lot in common and seemed to enjoy each other. I ended the date when I realized how much time has passed, because I like to take things slow. Told him I enjoyed myself on the date and that I'd like to see him again. He appeared interested at the time and we both mentioned we would likely not be available until next Friday.

    Now, I'm not a big texter and I don't particularly like drawn out conversations via text, and he seems the same way. However, I'm used to hearing from a guy if there was a connection, and it's been crickets since Friday. I am considering sending a text but have some anxiety about it. He's really the first date I've been attracted to in the past year and a half, so it's adding some internal pressure.

    So what's your take ENA? Do the old rules about waiting for a man to text first still apply? If you haven't heard in a certain amount of time does it mean they're not interested? As of now, I'm planning to put myself out there, because I figure I have little to lose and potentially much to gain, but it got me wondering how people generally think about this subject these days. All opinions welcome.

  2. #2
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Did he kiss you on/at the end of the date?

    The problem is, if you stick your neck out and text him first, he might reject you. This is why women usually let the man chance - they are smart!

    Why make the first moves if most men, when they are interested, do it anyway?

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You've had only one date. Did you make definite plans for next Friday? If so, I would avoid texting until Friday during the day, just to verify the meeting.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Yes. We shared a brief kiss.

    I guess I'm not too afraid of being rejected. Silence is a rejection in and of itself but keeps me thinking about it, possibly longer than I need to. I get that uncertainty is a part of early dating and have always coped with it well, but for some reason with this guy I feel a bit impatient to simply know. Plus, I'm not super attached to traditional gender values and rules, so I'm not someone who thinks it is the man's responsibility necessarily.

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    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    We did not make definitive plans yet. I guess that's sort of what I'm after more than anything else. Of course, only if the guy wants to meet again.

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    If you don't have a time/place plan for a date then there is not date, yet. You expressed interest in seeing him again and thanked him for the date. I think you did more than enough to show interest and I think the ball is in his court to call you to ask you out for another date. I don't think texting has anything to do with it -it's just another form of contacting. If you want to ask him out then call him and do so (I wouldn't text). I would not text just to say "hi" - you only went on one date. If you want to set the tone for you doing most of the initiating then call him and ask him out on a date. If you'd rather text and say "hi" understand that it's you initiating and making it very clear that you really want him to ask you out again -I don't think it's a good look for you unless you are comfortable being the main intitiator. Yes, I am saying this because you are the woman. It's totally fine if you're ok being the initiator. Nothing to do with "texting rules" just how you feel about asking men out on dates.

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    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    It was Easter Weekend, so might have been pre-occupied with family stuff and whatnot.

    Give it until 7pm tonight, if you don't hear from him, text him something funny that happened over the weekend, or maybe a joke about something you talked about Friday.
    If he responds, your NEXT text message can be "it was nice to meet with you on Friday", and maybe his response will be something along those lines.

    Good luck

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    Originally Posted by Betterwithout
    It was Easter Weekend, so might have been pre-occupied with family stuff and whatnot.

    Give it until 7pm tonight, if you don't hear from him, text him something funny that happened over the weekend, or maybe a joke about something you talked about Friday.
    If he responds, your NEXT text message can be "it was nice to meet with you on Friday", and maybe his response will be something along those lines.

    Good luck
    I would do that only if she wants to appear extremely eager/overeager. They're not buddies -they had a great first date. I had several great first dates that were one and done. Her "nice to meet you" after all this time will tell him that she's been waiting for his call and is grasping at straws. She already told him on the date how nice it was to meet him and that she wanted to see him again.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I would do that only if she wants to appear extremely eager/overeager. They're not buddies -they had a great first date. I had several great first dates that were one and done. Her "nice to meet you" after all this time will tell him that she's been waiting for his call and is grasping at straws. She already told him on the date how nice it was to meet him and that she wanted to see him again.
    Agreed, but their first date was four hours. That's a pretty good indication there might be something there.

    She could wait, but she said she's not keen on gender or texting rules either.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    Yeah, you guys all make good points. Kind of surprised actually, though. I expected more "just go for it" advice to be honest. It's good to consider, however. I don't really want to be the main initiator in the long-run and my main concern is not giving enough time for the guy to step up. Three days does seem like enough time, though. I guess I am a bit eager in the sense that he really made an impression on me, but there's nothing worse than a man who half-heartedly continues to see you because you make all the moves. I know give and take is important, even if it means being disappointed in the outcome.

    I also feel like I should note that I've presented myself as someone who doesn't text a lot in the early dating process, so it's quite possible he feels reaching out too soon would go against him, as well.

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