I think hes with me for my child

Hey,since entered into a relationship at a very rocky time if my life. I initially thought everything was ok (with me) and we hit it off straight away after knowing each other for years! But never romantically or as friends just family associates. During the first few weeks of our relationship we have dealt with issues of an alcoholic cousin from his side. And a number of issues from mine. ( found out my ex boyfriend who was my closest friend before a relationship was sleeping with my other female best friend) my partner obviously knew as he was aware of my ex cheating on me with his cousin in my house!! I disclosed some information about previous sexual abuse to him also. So after finding out these things I had a breakdown. My anxiety hit the roof. I was a mess. I saw no point.

He stood by me and supported me through it (not easily) I felt his reactions to everything made my anxiety worse and so I pushed myself further to get help and I've completely changed my attitude around. I finally feel I've met someone I can trust. But my doubts are getting the better of me. He mentioned he was only with me for my son's sake and to see where we go to save hitting my son. But now it seems everytime I open my mouth and talk about anything. My past is being thrown at me. We cant have a conversation now without him thinking hes done it all. The progress with my son he seems to take responsibility for. I mean when my son does a new sport like archery (hes done it before) but my partner will take credit. His words. "Since I've been on the scene, he has progressed so much. I've saved him"

My son did everything before but it seems lately the 6 years of my sons life hes called me a mom and basically feels like hes saved him. He doesn't like photos, he doesn't want to be tagged in social media. Gair enough but now it seems he wants to do things justbhoma and my son (play dates with his friends children whilst I'm off work and I'm not invited.)

Am I being unreasonable to have these thoughts running through my mind??

Theres so much that has happened. I pulled over in a parking lane to stretch my legs after driving for 2 hours and he spoke to me like I was nothing. Told me I was pathetic and being melodramatic for wanting to stretch my legs in a designated parking lane! I gave up the arguement. I'm tired now. I dont know what to do for the best. I feel inadequate, I dont feel like he wants to be around me anymore and he is only sticking around for my son.

If anyone has suffered any abuse and disclosed to a partner, had a breakdown in the early stages of a relationship. I would appreciate any advice or a chat. I dont knownwhere to turn. I'm completely in love with him. But I just dont think he feels the same. I've been gone now for God knows how long to have a cigarette. It's not even noticed I'm gone :-(

Turf him to the curb. You are being re victimized.

He mentioned he was only with me for my son's sake and to see where we go to save hitting my son.

What does this mean, OP? To save him from hitting...by whom?

And when he takes your son on play dates, does he have your permission to do so? Does he live with you and your son? I am trying to get a greater picture of the context of your relationship.

It seems pretty clear to me that this man has no respect for you, in any event. This isn't what love looks like.

Firstly, it's great to see him stepping up to the plate for your son (even though the other dynamics aren't ideal)

That said, the relationship from your few paragraphs seems unhealthy and there is a lack of sensitivity.

Sorry you are going through this.

He should love, respect and care for you first, and then be a good role model for your son.

If the first piece is truly missing, it's time to start planning on your exit plan. Better now than later.

Put your past behind you and don't worry so much what your ex did. You're devaluing your current relationship automatically by doing so and disrespecting what you already have by inviting third party influences and ongoings into your personal life.

On his end, if your partner speaks to you disrespectfully, the relationship is on shaky ground. There is no reason to speak to each other that way. I don't think it's useful going over whether he's with you for your son or not. It might be more useful to take a closer look at your relationship with each other. I would focus on respect to each other. Go from there.

How long have you been dating? Sorry this is happening , good you are getting therapy. get this man out of your and your son's life. Way too many red flags. Get into therapy and make an appt for your son.

Don't you think his excess "interest in your son" is a bit creepy? It sounds like he's grooming him, not a "father figure" at all. Get this jerk away from your child asap.

since entered into a relationship at a very rocky time if my life.

 

He mentioned he was only with me for my son's sake and to see where we go to save hitting my son.

 

he wants to do things justbhoma and my son (play dates with his friends children whilst I'm off work and I'm not invited.)

I think he sees your son as a project that he proves himself on.

I agree he has no respect for you and this relationship isn't helpful for your wellbeing.

I am also confused as to why he is worried the child would be hit if he was not accompanying.

What does this mean, OP? To save him from hitting...by whom?

 

And when he takes your son on play dates, does he have your permission to do so? Does he live with you and your son? I am trying to get a greater picture of the context of your relationship.

 

It seems pretty clear to me that this man has no respect for you, in any event. This isn't what love looks like.

And yes, what do you mean by hitting?

It's good that he is being such a good father figure to your son.

However, it sounds like he is a control freak. He is disrespecting you big time - and it's lowering your love for him.

Now, it's okay to be a control freak with kids, they need guidance. But it's not good behavior to a significant other.

Google narcissist. It's a mental disorder. You have some reading to do.

But I'll warn you, the first step in getting help and going to counseling is to acknowledge the problem - and control freaks are the hardest people to get through to - they think the whole world revolves around them, they think it's all about them, and the problem is everybody else.

How long have you been together?

What does this mean? "to save hitting my son."

Get rid of him. This is highly disrespectful and abusive. You don't seem to have very good taste in men.

Have you had therapy?

I read it as information hitting her son or her son being impacted by the news of her leaving her boyfriend.

And yes, what do you mean by hitting?

I like your tulips.

Didnt realise it changed to hitting...it meant to say hurting.

Basically the play date was a few days ago. He told me he was taking my son to a park with his friend and his daughter. Which is by far ok. I dont find it creepy at all as hes really brought my sons confidence out. He says hes doing me a favour and helping but then everytime it's like why am I doing this all the time. Why an I being made out to be a monster. I just dont know where to go or what to do. I've disclosed personal information about my abuse and it's to do with my family who he knows closely. I had a breakdown once I felt safe and now I feel so alone.i tried communicating to him today about maybe sekei g some help because my past has traumatised him. And hes now defined me for my past. Every arguement he makes me out to be crazy and runs from me like I'm a nutter when all I'm saying is please calm down and explain to me what's happened. (I used to cry and shake and be emotionally uncontrollable during an attack. I used to think he was going to expose my secret and ruin my life) yes I know exactly how I sound but I've really got no body left:-( hes opened my eyes the the poison surrounding me and now all I feel is like a puppet. I said to him he doesn't respect me enough to talk to me and I'm a nutter an she cant deal with me. He blocks my calls off and I constantly chase. Hes told me it's over tonight. Because I was trying to communicate calmly about seeking some help to try and talk through everything. Hes opinionated and loud and never wrong....... I dont think I need to say much more. I suppose I already knew the answer. But I feel because my attacks were so bad. I feel I deserve this because hes stood by me xx

Hurt not hit

Typo x

Hurt not hit

Typo x

Ivd got counselling however I was given anti.depressants. ivd rdcrnyky came off them and been given propofol. I only need to take these when my anxiety spikes....... again I know the answer. My anxiety spikes around him :-(

He tells me I'm abusive. The whole relationship has been abusive apparently. Weve had bad arguments (during my breakdown and his lack of sensitivity, ) but he shouts in the street when I go running for the whole street to hear how abusive I've been in the relationship:-( he spat at me and called me scum. Twice now. And instill walked to him took his hand and calmed him down whilst hes telling me how much he hates me. I need a brain transplant :-(

I'm not an idiot I know what's happening hit I'm powerless to stop it. My families . My sons dads out the picture now for being g . I'm all alone :-(

I suggest you return to counseling and get rid of this guy. Pronto. He is emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling.

"whilst hes telling me how much he hates me. I need a brain transplant :-(" Why do you allow this?

You are not doing your son any favors, by exposing him to the treatment you accept from this man. You are hurting your son, due to your own insecurities. Many women are on their own. You need to focus on you and your son, and not be so dependent on having any main your life. Time to put your big girl pants on!

How are you "powerless?" I am also curious as to what you love about him? ") but he shouts in the street when I go running for the whole street to hear how abusive I've been in the relationship:-( he spat at me and called me scum" Your relationship is sick and very damaging for your child. He is using your past to torture you, because he is cruel and enjoys bullying you.

It sounds like he's abusive and that he is using your son to manipulate you.

>Told me I was pathetic and being melodramatic for wanting to stretch my legs in a designated parking lane!

And this gem^. Arghh!

He's an abusive bully!

And what is it again you see in him? Why you stay?

I am not getting the appeal, he sounds awful and not doing your son any great favors either.

Don't think your son doesn't see/hear how he treats you and by choosing to remain with him, you are doing a great disservice to your son.

Please take steps to leave this bully and utterly toxic relationship.

So I have a different take...

Broken seeks broken...

He sounds like a piece of work, he truly does.

But with all your issues... it’s not unrealistic to think he was pretty much the only thing in your dating pool, that’s why broken seeks broken, healthy people do not look to date people who are unstable , have mental breakdowns or are verbally abusive and mean. With both of your mental states it’s a match made in dysfunctional heaven. Deep down you know this... you don’t sound at all in denial about who he is, you seem to have a very clear idea of his actions yet you stay...

So why don’t you break up with this guy. Work on yourself via therapy ( I know you sought help and bravo but you can’t fully heal when youre constantly exposed to a trigger, it’s the equivalent of scooping water out of a boat with holes) and build a life for you and your son you can potentially invite a man into, who will be worthy of being included in your lives.

Thank you✌

I like your tulips.

get away from him. Crazymaking is one of the components of abuse -- he makes you thin *you* are crazy. Stop letting him be with your son. There are groups like big brothers/big sisters where he can be matched with an appropriate mentor. If you have to, change your locks or both you and your son go away for a few days or have a sleepover - invite your good girlfriend and her child over for the night to have someone with you if you think he won't take a breakup well.

>>So I have a different take... Broken seeks broken...

I don't think it's a different take -- I think it's obvious to all of us they are both broken and broken seeks broken.

But first things first.

End this toxic relationship, then focus on your issues OP.

Best.

Thank you✌

Those were Seraphim's tulips :)

OP left the building.