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Diagnozed with AIDS and breakup


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I met my boyfriend in April 2017. July 1st we made it official. I had been in a relationship for about 9 years. It was not a healthy one. Fast forward to February 2019, I started to get bad headaches. On March 21st my boyfriend took me to the ER. I was diagnozed with either Toxoplasmosis or CNS Lymphoma and AIDS. It has been a total shock for me as I took STDS test in March 2017 and it came out negative. Fast forward after I came out of the hospital April 3rd. I started to see a change in him. He would act attentive in front of my family but at home he would just ignore me. I asked several times what was wrong and he would just tell me he was stressed from work and everything that was happening to me. While I was at the hospital they found damage in my brain, again they don't know if its Toxoplasmosis or CNS Lymphoma, they decided to treat me for Toxoplasmosis. Apparently some lessions in the head started to shrink. Because of the damage in the brain I lost sensitivity of the left side of my mouth, I can't taste food, left hand I feel pain and it feels numb, I can't focus and my mind is not the same. On April 20th I asked him to take me to the ER because my neck was getting swollen and I could not swallow. He wokeup, told me he would just drop me off. He did at 1030am. At 7pm I called him and asked why he just dropped me off and did not bothered to stay, his response was that he had ben working all week and he wanted on his day off to stay home. He picked me up at 9pm from the hospital. The next day Easter Sunday, he wokeup and told me he needed space from me so he left to West Hollywood. He texted me at around 430pm and told me he needed to talk to me that he would be home in 35 minutes. The moment I walked out of the house he drove in, I asked him to talk in the car and not inside the house. When we got in the car he told me he was not happy and the thinks it is selfish to make me change for what he wants and that he thinks I can't provide for him. He told me he needs a strong partner. I havent been to work since I got out of the hospital, the doctors told me I could not go bsck until my immune system recovers with the HIV medicine. Because I have been home he was expecting for me to cleanup for him do his laundry and do things in the house. I get it...what he does not understand is that I am in pain. I lost 20 lbs while I was in the hospital and I still can't think right and I can't focus. The medicine for Toxoplasmosis is extremely toxic so is giving me also bad sode effects. I tried to explain this to him and he told me I have to be strong. He told me I need to take control of the situation that he can't do it for both of us so ye said it was better to finish things. I begged him to give me another chance. After me insisting he said okay. But I can tell he is not okay with it. That same night we came to bed, he cuddled me but after a few minutes he turned his back to me and again I felt him dry. I like, love and care for this man and it hurts me he is not with me when I need him the most. I don't need him to worry about me, I just need his company and love but after seeing the way he is acting I feel he no longer wants to be with me. Please help...any advice would help. Luckily he has done several HIV tests and he came back negative. He swears is not my HIV status but the way I have handle it. It has been a month since I got diagnozed and I still have so many feelings and havent has time to process. I was drugged in the hospital for 3 weeks. Life has not been the same and it just hurts the person I thought had my back now has turned his back on me.

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Yes your situation is two fold. One, the health issues and two, your partner suddenly withdrawing. I'm very sorry for all this.

 

I'm not a physical doctor so I guess all you can do with your health is continue to research what can actually be done.

 

I feel your partner may be pulling away in his own way of coping with the severity of your health issue. That said, he is not the man you thought he was. If he were, he would be a lot more supportive!

 

It's going to be difficult especially if he's not willing to talk to you about how he's really feeling. I knew the 'too busy at work' was just an excuse for deeper underlying problems. Seen that one a million times!

 

I would start to seek support elsewhere outside of him and start to pull away from him a bit. The more you beg and plead with him, the worse it will get. He knows the situation. He knows how you feel.

 

I'm sending you so much strength for the road ahead. Please keep us updated. You are not alone*

 

Carus*

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Do you live together? It would be best to enlist and enroll in as many HIV support services you can find. Attend support groups, therapy, clinic followups, etc. Also enlist the help of your friends and family.

I met my boyfriend in April 2017.

 

I have been home he was expecting for me to cleanup for him do his laundry and do things in the house.

It has been a month since I got diagnozed and I still have so many feelings and havent has time to process.

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Keep in mind that this is a big shock to him also - you could have passed HiV to him and he would not have known it yet. He could wonder if you cheated or if you would be that careless with his life to have not gotten tested. Maybe when the anger and shock passes, maybe he will come back and be a supportive friend. For now, is there family you can live with?

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I feel your partner may be pulling away in his own way of coping with the severity of your health issue. That said, he is not the man you thought he was. If he were, he would be a lot more supportive!

 

 

To be completely fair, hes her boyfriend of a little less than 2 years, many wouldnt have stayed this long. I'm not saying that as a negative, I'm saying the gravity of her possible diagnoses is very daunting on a still new relationship.

 

Add to it, she said he told her its not her diagnosis but her attitude, so with that, whats the rest if the story here?

 

I guess what Im saying it I dont think its completely fair to say someone is less than for not being able to step up to the plate.

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Add to it, she said he told her

 

 

My bad. I assumed it was two gay guys. maybe i drew a false conclusion and shouldn't always assume. I know women can get it too - but if its in the US or Canada - that is what maybe i falsely assume (if it were Africa, i would not assume male or female either way)

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My bad. I assumed it was two gay guys. maybe i drew a false conclusion and shouldn't always assume. I know women can get it too - but if its in the US or Canada - that is what maybe i falsely assume (if it were Africa, i would not assume male or female either way)

 

Oh shoot, I apologize, that may have been my assumption...

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This forum does have a separate section for "gay, lesbian, bisexual" relationships, it would be helpful if said posters would post their threads in that section.

 

Not sure why they don't unless they don't know about it.

 

Jmo but from what I understand and have witnessed in gay and lesbian relationships, the dynamics and issues are a bit different from hetero, and as such the advice might be different too.

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I'm very sorry to hear about your troubles. Lymphoma is cancer and I hope you make some recovery, as much as possible. This nonsense coming from your partner is the last thing you need! I'm completely appalled for you. If you have more dependable people around you, even if it's a good friend or someone you can talk to or a family member with you, it would help. I'm not sure where it is like where you are. The BC Cancer Society(for ie) and a number of services offered emotional support to me and family members during our difficult time. Don't be afraid to seek help from the right places.

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