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Thread: 2 weeks past and was told she is already on dating site

  1. #1

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    2 weeks past and was told she is already on dating site

    First, this was a 9 year marriage. Very rocky one at that. Several break ups and miscommunications. 2 years ago I felt as if we had it all worked out. I made alot of changes to myself for hope of a better future with her. Wasnt the case. Where i changed she took advantage of me. Became very clear to me we needed to end this. And so i did. These 9 years I bent over backwards to give her what she wanted and have only realized now that it was a one way street with her. I payed her way on most everything and she would leave me to panic when finances wasnt there to pay the bills.....

    Getting to the point....2 weeks into break up and 1 week after i filed, a distance friend advised me she was on a dating site. That really added insult to injury but i was ok because im done with her. A few days later (and quite a few beers) i got curious to see for myself. I created a fake profile of someone and searched specifically for her age and location. Waala....there she is. Obviously i created more insult to myself...i mean, how does someone get out of a 9 year marriage and doesn't give themselves time to heal. I think i know the type and this ive confirmed of her. The type that is only in the marriage to coast along on ones coat tales and enjoy the benefits of not having to be responsible for themselves. IMO that is. The worst part is her description of herself. Complete BS of lies. Twisted truths and exaggeration of who she truly is and what she is looking for in another man.

    Sure this upsets me to realize ive been played. I really want to reach out and lash back at her in cruel ways. Honestly though that really isnt my style. I truly do feel bad for her "next" that she will play.

    My question....
    Ive thought of maybe a "buyers beware" post on the same dating site to warn others. Sounds childish and petty but in the end i would want to know myself. Ive googled to see if maybe someone has done this already (thats how i found this site) and have come up empty.

    I m thinking a fake profile as a woman with her screen name in the headline. From there i thought i would just simply explain what the last 9 yrs have been like with her and what she has done to me. I can back all this up cause ive saved all her angry text to my email. (Attorney's advice) i know some how i should end it with something like "enter at your own risk".

    I am hurt by this (not only the dating site but also the 9 yrs of failed marriage) but im glad she moving on and not continuing to cause me heartache.

    Would love to hear thoughts on this even if your gonna bash me as well.

  2. #2
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    Stop. Just stop. All of your ideas are terrible. I hereby revoke your decision making ability. Contact some friends or family and distract yourself from the situation until you are thinking more clearly.

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    Originally Posted by hyden
    Stop. Just stop. All of your ideas are terrible. I hereby revoke your decision making ability. Contact some friends or family and distract yourself from the situation until you are thinking more clearly.
    You are correct. After giving it more thought today Ive decided to let people find out for themselves. Im moving on.

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    Originally Posted by Floorguy1971
    Became very clear to me we needed to end this. And so i did.

    ...a distance friend advised me she was on a dating site. That really added insult to injury but i was ok because im done with her.
    ....
    You are correct. After giving it more thought today Ive decided to let people find out for themselves. Im moving on.
    Good.

    You and she are finished, as you say. You need to stop thinking about what she is doing, and focus on yourself.

    She is not your problem any more, and her bad choices (dating so soon after a 9 year relationship being one) are hers to make.

    Also, do not contact her*, especially after quite a few beers. It will just set back your healing process.

    (*After 9 years you may have some logistics to sort out. Do that through the attorneys and get a carrier to deliver her stuff to wherever it is going.)

    And tell your distance friend not to tell you anything else about her.

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    Absolutely. I am moving forward but after 9 yrs your home life has a huge change. Hard to not let it cross my mind at times. Good news is that I've kept my distance and haven't tried contacting her. Whats bad is she will start blowing me up in text messages which only makes it worst. I need to keep the peace so hopefully she will sign divorce papers after the "cool down" period. Most the time I have my head on straight but i do falter. Thank goodness i found this site and decided to put my dumb thought out there....lol

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    Originally Posted by Floorguy1971
    Whats bad is she will start blowing me up in text messages which only makes it worst. I need to keep the peace so hopefully she will sign divorce papers after the "cool down" period.
    There are many here who would say block her now, but I understand your point - a little perseverance now can save you a lot of stress and legal expense later.

    No doubt the attorneys are progressing things in terms of a final sign off, so stay calm in the face of the provocation until the paperwork is done.

    Then block her.

  8. #7
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    Therapy would help you sort out and unpack all the hurt and anger a lot more effectively than revenge, scamming or catfishing. Do not let hate consume you. And especially don't allow it to push you into unseemly or illegal activities.

    Divorce sucks, but it's up to you to make your life happy again post divorce. Your hatred and anger are only affecting you and making you miserable. It will also ruin your chances with women. Focus instead on yourself and a self improvement plan. Do something that benefits you and stop the counterproductive and nonproductive thoughts and activities.

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Therapy would help you sort out and unpack all the hurt and anger a lot more effectively than revenge, scamming or catfishing. Do not let hate consume you. And especially don't allow it to push you into unseemly or illegal activities.

    Divorce sucks, but it's up to you to make your life happy again post divorce. Your hatred and anger are only affecting you and making you miserable. It will also ruin your chances with women. Focus instead on yourself and a self improvement plan. Do something that benefits you and stop the counterproductive and nonproductive thoughts and activities.
    Thats very good advice and well put! I guess i just get caught up in the moment when she text bombs me and revenge feels comforting....so to speak. When i calm down i get back to normal. Maybe i should mention i have anxiety real bad. I worry bout things most others can walk away from. Overthinking is my worst enemy. I have lessons that help me get through it but when it starts up iy takes about a day for me to find calm again. She really knows how to push my buttons. Ive got 5 weeks left till we can sign papers. There is alot of suspicious activity on her part that makes me feel like she really about to drop a bomb on me and knowing her she will wait till the last minute. Im just trying to play nice in hope she will sign without some sort of retaliation.

    In response to blocking her....I've done that in past breakup and that really makes her mad. Heck, she blows up if i dont reply instantly. I'm doing my best not to break. Just gotta (hopefully only) deal with it 5 more weeks. Then I can have my life back.

    Thanks to all who has weighed in. I appreciate the help.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Divorce sucks, but it's up to you to make your life happy again post divorce.
    Yes indeed, but OP has to rise above.

    Work on your own self, forget about this former love.

    Back yourself, it's all you can do right now.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    You are looking at this all wrong. If she is on a dating site then that is a good thing for you. Why? Because she will be distracted by "dating" and leave you alone.

    Your healing is the only thing you need to work on so leave her to do whatever she wants why you make a good happy life for yourself.

    Speaking of people dating to early, what about people that cheat while married? That is dating super early wouldn't you say?

    She is no longer your problem of responsibility so look for the good in all this and hang in there for 5 weeks and you will be just fine.

    Lost

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