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Thread: ex gf is suicidal and gave me an ultimatum, need advice

  1. #1

    ex gf is suicidal and gave me an ultimatum, need advice

    me and my ex-gf (has been like a month again that she broke things off) have kinda some big probem rn, she is very depressed and suicidal and she gave me an ultimatum: if she does it she doesnt want me to text her sister or she would block me everywhere and not talk to me ever again, just got me out of her life if i try to interfere in her wish to kill herself. this is very stressful for me tbh bc i dont want her to do that and bc it pushes me into a loss-loss situation where i cant handle either loss, especially due to me suffering from borderline personality disorder. either i lose her due to her killing herself or to saving her - how do i handle this situation the best way possible? idk what to do, should i text her sis and tell her not to tell her - but what if she finds out i mean that is already obvious so idk what to do, would you please get give me advice on that? i would appreciate it a lot, it's really so hard for me especially when you love that person more than anything in this world and you just want the best for them but i honestly dont know what to do, i mean i had that situation with her already quite some times and i always managed to calm her and convince her but now im really scared to lose her after she already lost herself. also wanted to mention that we live kinda far away so it's not possible for me to just
    take care of her and seek her help - the only way is her parents, which are unfortunately very intolerant and ignorant when it comes to her mental health, she did tell them quite some times
    and they ignored it and made fun of it which i think also resulted in her not wanting help bc she may not even get it EVEN if she would want it. i dont want anything bad to happen to her and i want her to be happy, she always says that she doesnt think she'll ever be happy but that i make everything better and easier - but why would she cut me off that easily then? i just want to support her and be there for her and if she seeks help, she needs at least someone by her side and since she aint got actual friends im the one who wants to be here to support her through that but how if she wants to cut me off when all i want is to help her? she is currently on vacation so she wont do anything there but im scared when she comes back the situation is gonna get way worse and i just dont got that much time left to find the best solution in this scenario - that's why im reaching out here for advice and support and would appreciate it a lot, if someone had some experience with that kind of scenarios or knows how to handle that situation with her not killing herself or cutting the only person who supports her fully out of her life, please respond. thank you very much in advance!

  2. #2
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    Oh !
    She is not suicidal.
    She is manipulative! Only!
    She doesn’t want you to tell her sister because her sister would slap her in the face for being over dramatic and manipulative.
    Tell her you are going to tell her sister and watch your squirm and retreat.

    You are her ex not her carer! Trust me, her family are already aware of her and won’t be surprised at all to hear from you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Constant threats of suicide is a form of abuse. Tell her you'll call the police, EMS, etc and send them to her address. Then hang up and call them. Do not be manipulated. Tell her that once and only once. Be firm. Then delete and block her and all her people from all your devices, social media and messaging apps.

  4. #4
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    You notify police or emergency services in her area. They will perform a welfare check on her. If you are genuinely worried about her well-being, this is what you have to do. It doesn't matter if she blocks you after that; saving her life is more important than her being angry at you forever.

    Which brings me to the next point - you won't be able to remain in her life if you two are broken up, OP. It is simply not realistic nor very helpful for you to be her support. Unless you are a trained mental health professional, you don't have the appropriate skill set to do so. I wonder how much of what she has told you about her parents' intolerance is true, and how much has been exaggerated or modified by her to get you to feel sorry for her and stick around, believing she has nobody else.

    If you two are long-distance and her mental health is this fragile, you don't have the basis for a long-lasting relationship. How much time did you spend together in person?

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  6. #5
    Thanks for the responses!

    She did break up with me due to her mental health getting worse bc she thought it was unfair towards me bc she cant give me all this affection bc she is feeling bad af. The thing is she is my main source of support - the same way i'm hers and as i said before, it is for me a loss-loss situation that's gonna me up a lot either way. Idk how i should reach out to her sister bc she is capable of looking out for her and convincing her parents so get her help before she even comes to the situation of actually doing it. We did spend a lot of time together and that's also why it's hard for me to just accept the fact that she'd be angry at me forever - also bc of my borderline personality disorder which makes it impossible for me rn to live without her since she is my "fp". I know i have to reach out to her family and I think that her sister would be the best option but what exactly do i tell her? Should i mention to her to not tell her that i texted her sister? I could inform her about all the stuff lately, all the signs and i could also tell her to use her captions on insta as an excuse why her sister is suddenly all worried etc bc they truly are depressing and could lead anyone to the conclusion that smth aint okay with her. How do i reach out properly? What if it backfires?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a same sex relationship? Why do believe you should stay friends?
    Originally Posted by lilbutterfly
    bc of my borderline personality disorder which makes it impossible for me rn to live without her since she is my "fp".

  8. #7
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    If you are worried about it backfiring, you are not worried enough about her mental state, OP. The real possibility that she could taker her own life would trump any concern about her being angry with you.

    As a couple of us said, go straight to emergency services if you are that concerned. Not her sister. Something tells me you know that she isn't serious, though, and are more worried about her being mad at you.

    Having said all of that, you need a solid support system of your own that doesn't include her. It is not impossible to live without her, so you need to stop telling yourself that. My ex is also BPD, and I know from first-hand experience that I was not enough to truly help him. Are you under the care of a doctor and psychiatrist? A person struggling with her own mental health issues is not going to able to support you with yours. The more you write, the more unhealthy and codependent your relationship with her sounds. You're not good for each other and it's not sustainable in the long-run. Relationships like this do not last, my friend.

    How did you meet, and how old are you both? When was the last time you met in person?

  9. #8
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    Just my own personal experience with depression and suicidal fantasies and those of others in the support group I was a member of at the time.

    Those who are seriously contemplating suicide, do NOT "threaten" others with it.

    That is called manipulation.

    For me, I never expressed those thoughts to anyone, even my own bf at the time.

    I thought about them, dealt with these thoughts privately.

    Eventually I reached out for help and received it.

    I realize everyone handles depression differently, but no I never heard of anyone seriously considering suicide threatening anyone with it as some sort of sick ultimatum.

    Again, that is flat out manipulation all the way. Stop allowing it, that's on you.

    She's bad news OP, take steps to let go and move on but not before calling the authorities and having them do a welfare check.

    After the authorities come, she may think twice before using this type of manipulation tactic again.

    That's not to say she does not have mental issues, she most certainly does!

    You said you suffer from borderline personality disorder, I think it's quite possible she does as well.

    Like attracts like.

    She also sounds quite histrionic (HPD).
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-22-2019 at 12:27 PM.


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