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Thread: Is this suspicious behaviour...?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
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    1,898
    1. Get checked for sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
    2. Stay away from guys like him.
    3. Figure out why you are acting naive to the detriment of your physical and emotional health.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    10,847
    Is this girlfriend of yours in a healthy relationship? Telling you not to expect anything resembling decent treatment for the first six months leads me to believe she has settled for a poor relationship and thinks all of them are like hers.

  3. #23
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Posts
    17
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Is this girlfriend of yours in a healthy relationship? Telling you not to expect anything resembling decent treatment for the first six months leads me to believe she has settled for a poor relationship and thinks all of them are like hers.
    Funny enough she’s in a similar situation herself. She met a guy online a few months ago and they have been having “house dates” ever since. Basically they are sleeping together casually, but they spend a ton of time together. Unlike me, she hasn’t snooped on him so she has no idea what he does when she is not around, but they see each other a lot so she’s not concerned. She’s not bothered by the lack of dates because she enjoys the sex and company and is taking it slow and waiting to see where it goes. She gave me the same advice. I tried to follow it. At first things were going great but once I started checking his social media, I started realizing he might be playing me. He didn’t know I was checking his social media because I don’t have Facebook or anything like that. I used a friend’s account to log in and snoop and he had no clue until I blew up on him that one day.

    The reason I ended up on here is because I constantly ask myself, had I not gone snooping for evidence, and did not know a lot of the info I wrote about, was he still toxic and not worthy of investing anymore time? That’s why I came here for opinions on the cheering. But yeah everyone is right that he was not treating me well, otherwise. I just don’t know the extent of what was considered “casual behaviour” for someone you just met and started dating, and what was considered unacceptable at any stage (casual or not). I’m not that bothered by the “home dates”. We were actually planning a vacation together (something I did not mention). I’m more bothered by the infidelity (or suspicious behaviour), the lying and the ghosting those two times.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
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    May 2008
    Posts
    7,697
    Generally speaking, whirlwind romances crash and burn as quickly as they arrived in the first place, and your experience sounds quite typical. It's nothing to do with you, and you can be fairly sure that once the thrill and excitement of a new relationship was over, he was on to his next victim. Dating is a time to get to know the person, know what makes them tick, find out what their values are... it takes around three months to know whether you've got a relationship or not. And with this kind of person, you clearly haven't, and never will. Let yourself know that you can't 'sabotage' a relationship that was never there in the first place.

    If you find yourself overwhelmed with romantic feelings for someone you don't really know - get a grip. People - of both sexes - who are serious about a long term relationship will take their time and get to know you without piling on heaps of hormone-fuelled pressure. Not as exciting, certainly, but much more likely to last long term. Holding back from sleeping with a new partner will eliminate all the players very quickly.

    You may find this website very helpful in assessing the behaviour of new people in your life:[Register to see the link]

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