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Thread: Is this suspicious behaviour...?

  1. #11
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    He disappeared 3-4 days, and you were exclusive.
    He did not check on you, or show interest after your procedure. I can return from a country with a 14 hour time difference, and am capable of speaking on the phone the same day. I can also do this after a 24 hour flight.
    "When he came back from vacation, I was the one to reach out to him to tell him my surgery went well (he didn’t ask). Although everyone in my life came to check on me after surgery, he didn’t. He put it off for 4 days claiming he was sick and jet lagged, but then he went partying as soon as he was back and texted me at 2am that he’s thinking of me (I thought you were at home sick and jet lagged??). He did this two nights in a row, Friday and Saturday, after telling me he was sick. Sunday he finally comes to visit me, acts all grumpy because I couldn’t have sex (was still healing from surgery), only stays with me for 1 hour then tells me he has to go home to do laundry but that he would visit again on Tuesday. Tuesday comes around and he tells me he’s sick again. This time I didn’t even bother asking him if he was going to come visit because I already knew the answer. I started being cold and distant and he started compensating by contacting me a lot more and asking me how I’m doing .. but still not asking to come see me or making any plans." Does this sound like someone that cares?
    " I thought I should mention that ever since we’ve been seeing each other, he has only taken me on one date. After that, he started to come over every other night and since then he has never taken me out or planned anything for us to do outside of “Netflix and chill” Sister, you are no more than a booty call! Damn! Expect more for yourself!

    Lastly, healthy relationships do not move at hyper-speed. You should be going out on dates, not having dates in your house. C'mon. This is not normal, but someone that only wants sex.

  2. #12
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    Be single for a long while. You need to process your break up, then you will not get involved with guys like this.

    " I excused this behaviour because of how sweet he was being otherwise (before the infidelity suspicions)." Girl!

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Devastated123;7119101[B
    ]Can you tell me the reasons you think he treated me like garbage even if he was not cheating?[/B] I’m asking because it’s the cheating that brought me to this forum, but you said he treated me like garbage even if he wasn’t cheating. Can you elaborate?
    At the risk of being blunt, do you really need us to spell it out for you, girl?

    It's all in your own post. He disappeared a couple times, never took you on dates. He didn't bother seeing how you were after surgery. All of this from an overgrown frat boy in his 40s who still apparently "needs to party" and goes to all-night house parties?

    You need to gently extract your head from the sand, OP. He is no prize, even if he wasn't cheating. He doesn't appear to care that much about you to begin with, but he also sounds ridiculously immature for a man his age.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Devastated123
    My ex was totally different actually. It didn’t work out for other reasons, mainly our differing views on marriage and children. Like I said, I was in a vulnerable place. I thought because we spent so much time together and because of how affectionate he was being (spending the night, giving me massages, being cuddly), that he was genuine. He is also having some financial issues right now so I thought maybe that’s why he didn’t take me out.. but I guess those issues didn’t prevent him from going out with other people.

    Can you tell me the reasons you think he treated me like garbage even if he was not cheating? I’m asking because it’s the cheating that brought me to this forum, but you said he treated me like garbage even if he wasn’t cheating. Can you elaborate?
    Why would you worry about whether he cheated or not , when there was so much worse to worry about?

    We don’t have any concrete evidence that he cheated on you.
    But we do have evidence that he lied about being sick , clearly wasn’t to be out partying, that he was uncaring (didn’t ask how you were or come see you when sick) and ghosts on you.
    And all of that within a mere 12 weeks.

    Is your ONLY dealbreaker when a guy cheats?
    And why??
    Do you not believe that you deserve better?
    It doesn’t sound like he even dated you?
    His only “effort” was massages and sex? All things HE enjoys even if you enjoyed it.
    But don’t you want more?
    And he didn’t even put in that effort when there was no return for him! Ie sex.

    I read your question differently to how others seem to have read it though?
    It’s obvious he treated you like garbage , I read your question as to why he treated YOU like garbage not the explanation of how.
    And sorry but my answer is because you accepted to be treated that way.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Why would you worry about whether he cheated or not , when there was so much worse to worry about?

    We don’t have any concrete evidence that he cheated on you.
    But we do have evidence that he lied about being sick , clearly wasn’t to be out partying, that he was uncaring (didn’t ask how you were or come see you when sick) and ghosts on you.
    And all of that within a mere 12 weeks.

    Is your ONLY dealbreaker when a guy cheats?
    And why??
    Do you not believe that you deserve better?
    It doesn’t sound like he even dated you?
    His only “effort” was massages and sex? All things HE enjoys even if you enjoyed it.
    But don’t you want more?
    And he didn’t even put in that effort when there was no return for him! Ie sex.

    I read your question differently to how others seem to have read it though?
    It’s obvious he treated you like garbage , I read your question as to why he treated YOU like garbage not the explanation of how.
    And sorry but my answer is because you accepted to be treated that way.
    No that’s not my only dealbreaker. You’re right, there were many things that bothered me but I was giving this time to see if it developed into something more serious. Perhaps that was my mistake in all this. Sometimes being lonely after a breakup can make you tolerate too much with the rebound guy.

    All that aside, does anyone ACTUALLY believe that was a house party?? Who the $&!? throws a house party and then wakes up to make breakfast for everyone.. yet there was only his plate in the video and a woman talking in the background. I thought from all the shadiness and lying.. this was the most concrete evidence I had and I should’ve just walked away right then and there (if not beforehand, for all the reasons you mentioned above)

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    At the risk of being blunt, do you really need us to spell it out for you, girl?

    It's all in your own post. He disappeared a couple times, never took you on dates. He didn't bother seeing how you were after surgery. All of this from an overgrown frat boy in his 40s who still apparently "needs to party" and goes to all-night house parties?

    You need to gently extract your head from the sand, OP. He is no prize, even if he wasn't cheating. He doesn't appear to care that much about you to begin with, but he also sounds ridiculously immature for a man his age.
    Definitely very immature. And you’re right. He is no prize. Thanks

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    All of this in three months. You should have dumped him long ago.

    He is cheating on you, and has repeatedly. He has also shown you tremendous disrespect, but you allow it. Only one date since you have been exclusive, yet you continue to reward him with sex. Remember, we teach people how to treat us, and you have shown you do not value yourself.

    End this. I also suggest staying single for a long while.
    - Holly, you sound like me!

    Wow, all this in three months? Usually it takes people 10 years of bad marriage to have all those train wreaks.

    This guy is coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

    They have to be sane to be a good catch

  9. #18
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    I always felt I couldn’t trust him
    So why keep getting in deeper? Cheating isn't the only form of mistreatment to walk away from.

  10. #19
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    Everyone, for the record: I enjoyed the sex a lot. I don’t believe in using sex to reward good behaviour or withholding it to play games. I was enjoying the sex and companionship and sleep overs, and I was waiting to see if it develops into something more. As women, we always get told not to act too “needy” or have too many expectations at the start of a budding relationship, so I was trying to wait it out a bit. Obviously when I felt I was being cheated on (after talking about being exclusive) and also when I felt neglected after my surgery, $#it hit the fan. But it doesn’t mean I saw it coming from day 1 and it also doesn’t mean I didn’t think this situation would lead to something more serious over time.

    In response to the last comment, I explained that I’ve had trust issues in past relationships and I try very hard not to let my own issues cloud my judgment. I couldn’t tell if my feelings of distrust where well- founded which is why I started checking his social media. It was only when I saw what I felt was real evidence of cheating, that I realized my gut feelings were more than just a fear.

    It seems to be the general consensus here that he treated me like garbage. Is everyone basing this on the amount of time we spent together and our talks of being exclusive? Or are people basing this on any type of relationship, short or long, casual or serious? Just trying to understand. A girlfriend of mine told me not to have high expectations for the first 6 months of a relationship, but I feel like ghosting someone for 4-5 days, even 2 months in, after building a pattern of communicating daily and spending a lot of time together, is unacceptable, no? And so is the lack of checking in after my surgery. I mean he was sending messages daily asking how the recovery is going, but he wasn’t actually coming to spend the time or offer to take care of me in any way. I don’t know if I was expecting too much in this regard, either. I just know that I would do it for him. And given how many times I took care of him when he wasn’t feeling well (I would massage his back when he had neck problems, and give him nutrition advice when he had stomach issues for example), I would want the same to be reciprocated.

  11. #20
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    Wait it out! You should have expectation of having dates outside your home, if you do not, then these are booty calls. I cannot imagine being with someone for months, and not have gone on regular dates, much less none.

    As you have reentered the dating world, you need to expect more from a FWB or a potential partner. You have ALLOWED yourself to be treated as a hook up. This guy is awful. i would have kicked him to the curb, after our first date, and it would not have been in my home.

    Please do not date for a long while. You need to get your self esteem back.

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