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Thread: Holidays hurt

  1. #1
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    Holidays hurt

    A thread to vent/relate/point out the obvious that it's just one day closer to healing about how holidays seem to hurt after a breakup.

    My post is I'm doing much better with my healing. Still NC to help with that and doing things I like and are beneficial. Starting to feel like corner turned and then wham today hits. Still feel like turning the corner because not nearly as bad as before- and want to do something to improve lot, not cry all day -but today definitely stings more than a random day.

    I had actually planned something cute and personal for today, so that is part of it, but for some reason all holidays hurt even though in the healing process it's just another day.

    Anyone else have this happen?

  2. #2
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    Yeah I understand where you're coming from. I've dreaded this long bank holiday weekend simply because I know I can't bear to do anything right now. Have had a slight improvement today, as small as it seems i opened my bedroom window to let some fresh air in. You could try doing something small that might help you lift your mood a little.

  3. #3

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    Yes Iím rite there with you. Itís been 4 month of no contact for me and Iíve been getting better. But as I was setting the table for my Mother before everybody else got here for dinner I had to place one less set of things on the table and I almost lost it. Everything came back at once. The sadness, pain, loneliness. But with no contact I know Iím beating this because it was only for a moment. I wanted so badly to reach out to her but that would be selfish and not respectful to her or her new relationship. Carry on and know that you are not alone in this.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Sure, it's natural. The first year after a breakup is one of reclaiming your milestones. The more you can engage with others and offer them great memories while you can't enjoy much yourself, the more you'll reward yourself with a sense of accomplishment and turn your ship around.

    Head high.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Yes, this has happened many times.

    Not only just holidays, but other triggers. For me some songs I hear or jokes that we shared together trigger me with feelings. All part of the healing process.

    Think of your most favorite activity and try to work that in your life somehow. It will bring some new memories to help erase the old.

    Head up.

  7. #6
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    Thank you all for the advice and messages. It helps.

    I love this because it's so true
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Sure, it's natural. The first year after a breakup is one of reclaiming your milestones.
    There's a chance for reconciliation with mine, but also NC for awhile so I'm treating it as if I will never hear from her again to heal. Letting go of the milestones and all the things we shared is hard. I think that's one of the hardest things to do in life.

  8. #7
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    Hey there Utterlyhurt, my academia ex broke up with me a few days after your breakup (I saw your other posts). Same week of the dissertation defense. He had a pretty giant nervous breakdown and instantly became that cold, callous stranger leaving a possible slight door open for future reconciliation when he ended things in a fit of mania, but who really knows. I also moved out of our shared home. The grief is unbearable for parts of every day and I am now finding myself to have really depressing non-denial thoughts sandwiched between highs of denial and bouts of shock. It's exhausting. I'm right there with you on this NC journey. Every step. Thanks for sharing your story.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Swbymid
    Hey there Utterlyhurt, my academia ex broke up with me a few days after your breakup (I saw your other posts). Same week of the dissertation defense. He had a pretty giant nervous breakdown and instantly became that cold, callous stranger leaving a possible slight door open for future reconciliation when he ended things in a fit of mania, but who really knows. I also moved out of our shared home. The grief is unbearable for parts of every day and I am now finding myself to have really depressing non-denial thoughts sandwiched between highs of denial and bouts of shock. It's exhausting. I'm right there with you on this NC journey. Every step. Thanks for sharing your story.
    Our stories are remarkably similar. And yes it's a... brutal process. That's the only way I can describe it. I feel simultaneously like I will never heal, that I must heal, that I will never see this person who was a huge part of my life ever again, that it will work itself out after the academic stress is gone. The silence always slowly moving forward, but it also allows every doubt to creep in.


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