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Thread: What's best approach to respark attraction after messup?

  1. #1
    Member Seff's Avatar
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    What's best approach to respark attraction after messup?

    **Ooops, this should be under attraction and flirting I think**


    So this cutey I used to work with contacts me about a month ago, and we had been slowly becoming closer. She ramped up the texts and they were more and more affectionate, and she wanted to cuddle and stuff.... When I was telling her my plans to get a better job, go back to school and stuff, she was at a pinnacle of interest in me... Calling me "her boo<3". (Monday)

    Now I knew not to take this too seriously, she also seemed to like it when I approved of her getting help from, and hanging with other dudes. But I think her saying that, it did put that possibility, of maybe we could become a couple in my mind to some degree.

    In any case she messages me on facebook Wednesday, saying she's at friend's house, and he's helping her with her C.V. cause she "neeeds moneeyyy."

    Welp my response to this was: "I'll try to help you with that soon as I can...they may be hiring at my place in the future, I m working at a survey call center".

    Problem is she didn't respond, even tho fb said she read it. We'd been texting and messaging a lot so thought was weird to leave me hanging all day....

    That night I smoked weed and got paranoid and at 1:30 am I messaged her and said things like: "Wondering y no response? should I not have offered to help w that? Or what did you think I was working as a lawyer or something? " and I said more defensive stuff like that. : (

    Next day she said she was having an off day, and didn't realize she had read the message.. I still feel like I was disappointing her somehow.... as she didn't respond.. but in any case I apologized.

    But she's been super distant since....
    I'm thinking now to say: "Sorry again, I was high when sent that, think I'll quit."(which is true)

    What do you guys think?

  2. #2
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    No offense but this sounds like something you may not be able to recover from.

    You went off your first reaction even if you were high. Those messages would turn anybody off.

    That’s why she’s acting distant.

    Next time use better judgment even if you are high and put your phone away so you don’t react.

    I wouldn’t send anymore texts. Let her come to you now.

  3. #3
    Member Seff's Avatar
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    Yes I'm quite aware that I blew it quite thoroughly. So not even worth mentioning I was high then eh? damn ok. Plenty of fish I suppose.

    *Edit*: Well not gonna lie that is kinda a bummer. I'm just thinking back to that day, yeah I remember it was an incredibly tough one. Because I had a lot of pressure to perform at work, and I was suffering from a clinical degree of fatigue due to illness, on top of bad IBS pain. I mean it won't excuse my behavior to her at all. But man, I wish I was thinking more clearly.
    Last edited by Seff; 04-21-2019 at 01:39 AM.

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    Hey Seff,

    Sorry I was so blunt. I’ve been there before and unfortunately some people are fickle especially in the beginning stages of any sort of relationship. I may be wrong and she may contact you. The only way to find out is to not reach out to her. That’s the true test of her interest. Because she will reach out and notice you’ve gone quiet if she’s interested.

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  6. #5
    Member Seff's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by limichelle
    Hey Seff,

    Sorry I was so blunt. I’ve been there before and unfortunately some people are fickle especially in the beginning stages of any sort of relationship. I may be wrong and she may contact you. The only way to find out is to not reach out to her. That’s the true test of her interest. Because she will reach out and notice you’ve gone quiet if she’s interested.
    Hi Limichelle, yes, you're absolutely right. She may contact me, or she may not. The important part is that I leave it up to her. And focus my attention well elsewhere. Good advice. Thank you

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    Definitely do not excuse it with being high. That's teen territory. I am assume you are older than that?

    If so, do the adult thing and just leave it be now. You've already apologized, and the rest is up to her.

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    Originally Posted by Seff
    Yes I'm quite aware that I blew it quite thoroughly. So not even worth mentioning I was high then eh? damn ok. Plenty of fish I suppose.

    *Edit*: Well not gonna lie that is kinda a bummer. I'm just thinking back to that day, yeah I remember it was an incredibly tough one. Because I had a lot of pressure to perform at work, and I was suffering from a clinical degree of fatigue due to illness, on top of bad IBS pain. I mean it won't excuse my behavior to her at all. But man, I wish I was thinking more clearly.
    Were you high writing that??

    What is “a clinical degree of fatigue”???

    Who diagnosed you with that term?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you're in the friendzone. Just pull way back from this. Do not keep apologizing, just let it pass. There is nothing to 'reignite' but a friendship.
    Originally Posted by Seff
    In any case she messages me on facebook Wednesday, saying she's at friend's house, and he's helping her with her C.V. cause she "neeeds moneeyyy."


    That night I smoked weed and got paranoid and at 1:30 am I messaged her and said things like: "Wondering y no response? should I not have offered to help w that? Or what did you think I was working as a lawyer or something? " and I said more defensive stuff like that. : (

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Did you even go on any actual dates during that time? Most of the time when someone speaks of a problem, they just want a supportive ear and don't want you to offer solutions unless they ask for advice. Sometimes people are in your life for a short time to teach you a lesson, so learn from it and move on if a person lets you go.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Try not to have the whole relationship over text next time and ask her for a date.

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