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Thread: Iím not sure if I should talk to him or if I should end things?

  1. #1

    Iím not sure if I should talk to him or if I should end things?

    I started seeing this guy a few weeks ago. We had sex on our first date which isnít something I ever do, but I really liked him. I mentioned to him that I wanted to get to know each other before having sex again. Our second date went really well but once I got home he texted me an inappropriate picture which I didnít solicit. I asked him to call me in the morning so we could talk about it but I never heard from him at all. Heís pretty bad at texting back but I understand that he works a lot. Iím not sure what to do because I really like him but I really donít like the way this is going. Help.

  2. #2
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    I honestly would end things. He is just in it for sex. He knew you didnít want to have sex on the second date but still sent a picture and avoided your conversation about something he knows you were upset about. Heís a jerk. I would block and move on!

  3. #3
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    The problem is, is that he only wants sex.

    Next time, don't be so eager to give it up so easily.

    Block and move on!

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Clueless24
    I started seeing this guy a few weeks ago. We had sex on our first date which isnít something I ever do, but I really liked him. I mentioned to him that I wanted to get to know each other before having sex again. Our second date went really well but once I got home he texted me an inappropriate picture which I didnít solicit. I asked him to call me in the morning so we could talk about it but I never heard from him at all. Heís pretty bad at texting back but I understand that he works a lot. Iím not sure what to do because I really like him but I really donít like the way this is going. Help.
    You said you started seeing him a few weeks ago?
    But , so far, only actually met him twice?
    And when he didnít get sex the second time he ghosted?
    Is that right?

    Not being funny but you said you donít have sex on the first date yet your reason for doing so was ďbut I really liked himĒ
    That doesnít quite make sense to me because Iím sure youíve been on dates before where you ďreally liked himĒ yet didnít sleep with them? What was different about this guy?
    My guess is that he sweet talked you, played you.

    Sorry but just put it down to a learning experience.

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  6. #5
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    This guy is just after sex, OP.

    It's fine to sleep with someone on the first date, if you truly want to. It's also okay to let someone know you'd prefer to slow it down a little until the next time you sleep together. I would be curious to know how you wound up in bed with him that first night if that's not something you usually do, though - what was it that changed your mind? I am guessing he said the right things and led you to believe he was in it for more than sex?

    Unfortunately, he thought he could change your mind again with a naughty pic. When he saw he couldn't, he bailed. I wouldn't bother trying to talk to him. He's not into it the way you are.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You got played, he got laid. Move on!

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Delete and block him unless all you want is sexting and hookups.
    Originally Posted by Clueless24
    he texted me an inappropriate picture which I didnít solicit. I asked him to call me in the morning so we could talk about it but I never heard from him at all.

  9. #8
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    You got lost in sweet words and strong feelings, and I'm afraid I have to agree with the others, his primary goal was sex. These things happen...sorry. This is why we hold back on the sex. Even if you decide after 3-4-5 dates or a few months, and he bails after, at least you know you did what you needed to do to assure his mind was in knowing you and not bedding you...and sometimes they drop off after the thrill of the chase is gone. There is no rhyme or reason to it and no way to predict it. The unsolicited picture...I'm agreeing with MissCanuck, he sweet talked you once, thought this would push you over the edge a second time, and with no positive response (sex or sexting), he's ghosting. He has to work too hard to get laid, plus you dived in and are now withholding, he's going to go after someone easier. You certainly have this right to backpeddle. I am also curious what prompted you to go against your normal state of not falling into bed so soon, especially on a first date.

    To be clear, I'm not passing judgement. I've ended up with a couple ONSs for this very reason...there's something that makes you feel this is going to go the long-haul...maybe your defenses were down...and this has happened on the first date and after several...they disappear...dang.

    Don't worry about having a conversation with this guy. He clearly has a higher priority for sex and lesser priority for long-term, and I don't think it's worth your time and energy to pursue or fret over this. If he comes back around, and if you feel he is worth another try, stick to your values. Meet in public. Don't put yourself in a place where hormones take over and clothes have a habit of coming off. The thing is, the second time rarely works out differently than the first, so you should prepare yourself to write this one off. If he circles back around, it's probably best to ignore.

  10. #9
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    I donít think he did anything wrong other than not react consistently with your wishes. Once he didnít respect your stated boundaries ďI know we had sex and now I want to dial it back ď then itís over. Heís a stranger basically who you chose to have sex with so I donít think itís worth pursuing this any further. He was entitled to believe you were fine with having sex right away and my sense is that on reflection he realized that heíd prefer to continue a sexual arrangement with you so he tried once to see if perhaps youíd change your mind again. Nothing terrible just not compatible with your letís dial it back suggestions.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    After you had sex with him, what picture could be inappropriate?

    Next time, wait a few dates / weeks for sex.

    Good relationships take work and discipline, but can be well worth it and fun!

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