Not sure what to think now..

I had asked for advice about my boyfriend, who is bipolar and talking about how he couldn't wait to move in together.

He told me recently that he's inconsistent and it's his bipolar that causes it. When I tried talking to him about my feelings, he blew up and I waited a couple hours before I texted him, feeling confused about what in fact he truly wanted. He texted back that it was true love we were in and he was sure of it, reminding me he loves and is in love with me. He came over for a while, left and hasn't been back since Sunday night.

We've been talking and texting everyday, like normal. Yesterday, I called him on lunch and said I was having a bad day. He's been depressed a lot lately too, but I feel depressed, because he's been giving me mixed signals.

Inconsistency makes me feel off balance and confused. I don't know where I stand with him and he knows I'm a very routine person.

He mentioned the couple things we have had disagreements about, with me feeling insecure and feeling like he was testing my insecurities and causing feelings of jealousy. That seemed to be his reasoning for being unhappy in general.

He also said we should've just stayed best friends, which hurt me and I told him I had to go and hung up. Him saying that made me feel like he wishes we never were in a relationship.

Nothing from him the rest of the day, so I texted him this morning and said, since it seems he's unable to move past & move forward with me, I guess I will come get my things at his house, because I thought it was over. He said he didn't know how to respond to that and he was just letting things calm down some. I explained my feelings and he started talking about a break. I asked what he meant. He said he wants to take a break for a few days and regroup. I've never experienced this before. I'm not sure what to think right now. It doesn't feel like it's good.

Is he in therapy and on meds? My father had bipolar for 65 years or so - the official diagnosis wasn’t then but at first it was depression. My mother was married to him for 62 years. She didn’t know much about it because it was the 1950s and even depression was an enigma. Anyway she loved him and he loved her. He was willing to do therapy and meds. It helped a lot and his illness made her life and mine very hard. And it’s hereditary. We didn’t get it though. Are you up for this ? If he won’t do therapy and meds or at least regular therapy I wouldn’t stick around based on my indirect experience.

Is he on meds? Does he work?

If inconsistency makes you feel off balance and confused, you are dating the wrong man.

Yes, he's seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist, probably once a month and he's on meds. He's in the process of having them changed though and isn't going about it very quickly, which is the cause of his depression in my opinion. Yesterday, I felt like he was blaming me for the depression. He's on disability and doesn't work.

So, you will be footing most of the bills? Has he ever been able to work?

We're not living together and as of right now. With this issue now, I'm not sure if we ever will. He seems to make enough on disability to pay his bills right now. He has worked, we actually reunited through work.

Do you think this 3 days to regroup reasonable? I texted back, Wow, okay I'm not sure how to respond to that a couple hours ago and he never texted me back.

Your future us very unstable. What if you want kids?

We're in our 40's, so I don't want any more kids, but I would possibly want get married. If he needs a break 5 months into it, actually 2 months, because we were friends for almost 3 months, before I wanted to start the relationship. I think this is awful quick to need a break, isn't it? I don't know what I should say to him. I don't want to lose him, because I love him, but I don't understand why this is happening now.

This was his response to me when I asked him about the break... I feel like I need a few days to regroup I guess. I still want to talk and everything. I just need some time to myself I guess.

If he needs a break, why would he say he still wants to talk and everything? That doesn't make sense to me.

Breaks and instability are your future. Don't know why anyone would sign up for this.

This was his response to me when I asked him about the break... I feel like I need a few days to regroup I guess. I still want to talk and everything. I just need some time to myself I guess.

If he needs a break, why would he say he still wants to talk and everything? That doesn't make sense to me.

He said it because he wants you sitting on the bench waiting for him to decide if he needs you or not.

Agreeing to "a break" is a bad idea. You lose all power and self respect, while you sit there waiting.

In those circumstances, he doesn't get the chance to experience the feeling of losing you as consequence of his actions.

It also doesn't give you a chance to re-evaluate why you are putting up with those actions.

You can't fix him, he has medical professionals to do that.

You should not contact him now, or in 3 days, or 3 months.

If he initiates contact, ask him how his treatment and meds are going.

If you don't get a sensible answer, terminate the communication.

Like Holly says, if you put up with this now, it will set the pattern for the future.

Perhaps his condition will be brought under control and he will become more viable relationship material down the track. Perhaps.

Referring back to your first thread, Susie why are you allowing this man to mess with your head like this?

He's borderline mentally abusive Imo, if not full on, again referring back to your earlier thread.

Over and above his bipolar.

Come on now girl, seriously, why are you choosing to continue this toxicity?

Serious question, which I thought you had already asked yourself and attempting to resolve.

Do you really want to expose your child to such dysfunction?

The guy is making you literally crazy, you allow it -- pls take steps to leave, for both you and your child.

Your future us very unstable. What if you want kids?

She has a child Holly who is no doubt witnessing all this craziness.

Not good.

OP, you have a kid?

You are the role model, you are showing her how to have a dysfunctional and disrespectful relationship. Do better for her, than you do for yourself! Show her that she deserves a better man than you choose for yourself.

Sorry to hear this. He's breaking up with you, using the "it's me not you" excuse. It's for the best. Let him go. He's not ready willing or able to have a stable relationship. Focus on yourself and your child. Get to a therapist to discuss your feelings, depression, anxiety, etc. Never inflict all that on someone you are dating. This guy in particular is hanging by a thread mentally and you are emotion dumping on him.

He told me recently that he's inconsistent and it's his bipolar that causes it.

He also said we should've just stayed best friends

I explained my feelings and he started talking about a break.

I agree with everyone. I tried to give him another chance and see what was going to happen. I have a bad habit of doing this and it never works, so I need to stop.

I see what you're all saying and my instincts told me the same thing, I just wanted to hear that my instincts were correct.

I've never been given the "break" talk before, so I wasn't exactly sure if what I was feeling was right or I was reading too much into things, like he always says I do.

It really makes me second guess myself a lot when someone you love tells you that every time you question their behavior or words.

I asked when he wasn't texting like usual and calling me honey, if we were just friends and he said no, he was texting me as my boyfriend. I haven't seen him in a week, actually today and we were seeing each other every day or every other day. No call everyday, like usual either, only texts, since Friday.

I think I will just go ahead and go get my stuff at his house this week some time and hope he doesn't get nasty and say I can't have it or when I do, try to talk to me or suck me back in with bs.

I'm going to have a good weekend with my kids and detach from this guy. Thanks for helping me through this everyone! Happy Easter. :)

People with mental problems can be very difficult to have relationships with. I tried it a couple of times and could not do it.

People with mental problems can be very difficult to have relationships with. I tried it a couple of times and could not do it.

I agree Gary. I didn't realize it would be this tough. I thought being loving and patient would be enough. He's too all over the place for me. I don't fault him because of the bipolar, I feel like he is using it as excuse like Wiseman said.

I agree Gary. I didn't realize it would be this tough. I thought being loving and patient would be enough. He's too all over the place for me. I don't fault him because of the bipolar,

 

I feel like he is using it as excuse like Wiseman said.

Agree and believe I posted same on your previous thread.

It's manipulative and controlling and indicative of another disorder separate from bipolar or acting in conjunction with.

I agree with everyone. I tried to give him another chance and see what was going to happen. I have a bad habit of doing this and it never works, so I need to stop.

I see what you're all saying and my instincts told me the same thing, I just wanted to hear that my instincts were correct.

I've never been given the "break" talk before, so I wasn't exactly sure if what I was feeling was right or I was reading too much into things, like he always says I do.

It really makes me second guess myself a lot when someone you love tells you that every time you question their behavior or words.

I asked when he wasn't texting like usual and calling me honey, if we were just friends and he said no, he was texting me as my boyfriend. I haven't seen him in a week, actually today and we were seeing each other every day or every other day. No call everyday, like usual either, only texts, since Friday.

I think I will just go ahead and go get my stuff at his house this week some time and hope he doesn't get nasty and say I can't have it or when I do, try to talk to me or suck me back in with bs.

I'm going to have a good weekend with my kids and detach from this guy. Thanks for helping me through this everyone! Happy Easter. :)

If your stuff isn't anything you can't live without I'd just leave it.