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Thread: Not sure what to do

  1. #1

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    Not sure what to do

    I’m 33 and a full time single dad of two girls. I’ve been divorced for a little over 7 years and been single going on 5 five years now. There’s a woman I’ve know for about 6-7 years. She’s a great person and a single mom to her son who attends the same school as my oldest does so our kids know each other. She has pretty much all the qualities I look for in a woman. We’ve talked on and off throughout the years and had an attraction for each other before but never went any further then kissing on a date. About a little over a year ago we had started talking again and seemed like something was building up towards a relationship. Unfortunately around that same time my kids lost their mom in a car accident. That woman started to be present more in mine and my kids life just because she cared for me and my kids and was there for us in that time of need. My kids never knew about me and her seeing each other or talking about relationship. They only knew her as a friend. Two months after that she said she didn’t have those type of feelings towards me and wanted to be a friend. We didn’t talk as much after that but she still always messaged me at least once or twice a month. Over the last few months she’s messaged me more and calls me more and we’ll still talk. She’ll suggest now and then to get together and have our kids get together as well since they know each other and get along great and has bought them Christmas gifts and little things here and there. She’ll message me every week and doesn’t go more then two or three days without texting me. Mainly tells me good morning and hope I have a good day and we’ll text throughout the day about work and how her days goes and I do to when she text me. I get the gut feeling like she is attracted to me but also think she’s being really friendly. Now to be honest I’m not the best when reading signals from women especially when they seem like mixed signals. Now I asked her a while back if she just sees me as friend or something more cause I felt like I was getting signals like she sees me as more then a friend. It caught her off guard and she seemed really shy about telling me so I didn’t push it and said she’ll tell me later. I still haven’t gotten an answer. I honestly am still attracted to her and she’s different from anyone else I’ve ever met which draws my attraction to her. I want to ask her that question again to see if I am just a friend or something else. I feel if she doesn’t give me an answer again sees then I’ll take it as I’m only a friend. And even if she does see me as only a friend I would rather not stay as friends just cause it wouldn’t work with one friend being attracted to the other. This has been bugging me and not sure what to do and if I should even ask her again. Has anyone ever gone through something like this? Any advice on this whole situation?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she's been honest and direct about only wanting to be friends. There are no mixed signals from her. The mixed signals are that you are attracted to her. She is simply being a friend and arranging play dates for the kids. Try to move forward and get on some dating apps or get involved in some clubs, groups, activities where you meet women in real life.
    Originally Posted by Jesse85
    she said she didn’t have those type of feelings towards me and wanted to be a friend.

  3. #3
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    Sorry to hear about your children’s mother.

    As for this lady, she only wants to be friends .
    You have already asked her and in all honesty if she felt more for you , you wouldn’t have to ask.
    No answer is your answer!

    You don’t have to be her friend , but that shouldn’t stop your kids being friends.
    I believe she is only thinking about the kids.

    Perhaps it’s too soon for you to consider dating as your kids will still be grieving for their mum.
    Seek comfort elsewhere , sorry!

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    No reason to ask again. If I was a woman, I'd know you were into me as per past discussions, and wouldn't let some other woman snap you up if I were into you.

    I'd tell her: I've enjoyed our friendship, but because I've wanted more and you don't, it's best we don't continue the friendship. It'll make it harder for me when I date and a woman asks me about the other woman who keeps texting me.

    Because yes, if I started dating a guy and he told me the woman he was communicating with was one he'd kissed and wanted a relationship with, I'd be out that door fast as The Flash. Watch your own back, because nobody else is.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You've known her for 6 years, dated and kissed her but that's it, and then she told you she sees you as only a friend. Then you asked her about feelings and she weaseled out of it, saying she'll tell you later. The reason she did not tell you is because she does not want to hurt your feelings by telling you there's nothing there. You are projecting, seeing your own feeling as her feelings.



    I have one myself like this, right now. We met about 6 months ago and dated for about five weeks. She looks like Meg Ryan. She would kiss me on the lips but it was little more than a peck. A woman who really liked me would have tried to rip my lip off, or I'd be gasping for air! We talked about it and we are friends. We go to dinner, and events. I have a tiny crush on her, but I'm empathetic and I sense there is nothing there on her end, so it keeps me grounded. I know nothing will ever happen between us, so I date other women and keep this one as a friend.




    She's not interested, and probably never will be. Quit pinning for this woman and find another to date.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You're a safe option but there's no physical chemistry, sorry. This is a friendship that could be more if she finds you physically attractive. The physical chemistry just isn't there for her. She won't tell you this because it would be a bit off-putting and might damage your friendship and impact the kids and their friendships. Even if you look like a Greek Adonis, it doesn't necessarily mean that she may be attracted to you. She may also be unsure about you mentally or psychologically or even your other state of affairs. You've been through a lot in a short time span. Be at peace and don't let this corrode your self-esteem and your confidence. There are other women for you. Not all will be strong enough or capable enough to stand in as your partner.

  8. 04-20-2019, 12:51 PM

  9. #7
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Even if you look like a Greek Adonis, it doesn't necessarily mean that she may be attracted to you.
    - This is the story of my life. How did you know?!

  10. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Why put her on the spot to try to get answers without investing the time to see one another? Then you can see if things develop, or not. If not, then you don't need to pursue the friendship, but asking her to cough up where she stands prior to that is premature.

  11. #9

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    Only reason I say mixed signals is cause she’ll get things for me and my kids and call and text frequently late at night and early in the mornings. Or want to get together either with our kids or just me and her. Even uses examples when talking about her family like “my family would really like you” or “if we were together” and things like that. And a lot of the time the kids aren’t mentioned in our conversations. So those type of things makes me feel like there’s mixed signals

  12. #10

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    So would it be best if I were to just end the friendship instead? And if she asks why just tell her the reason why we shouldn’t be friends? Cause honestly I can’t be friends with a person I have an attraction to and knowing they didn’t fee the same way

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