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Thread: Can you grow to love someone?

  1. #1
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    Can you grow to love someone?

    Itís been a long time since I was last on here posting about an ex boyfriend. In an effort to get over THAT ex boyfriend I started dating someone else (big no no, I know). It wasnít supposed to be a serious thing, but more of a fling. Well almost 3 years later and a rocky relationship, due to several factors, we broke up 15 months ago.

    Hereís the thing: I havenít dated anyone seriously since. The person Iím attracted to is unavailable and the few dates Iíve had donít really go anywhere. My ex still emails me professing his love and asking for another chance, and despite all the problems, he KNOWS me and chooses to love me despite all my flaws. I know he loves me, and heís trustworthy, and hardworking, and the sex was great....I just donít love him. Sometimes I wish I did because of his great qualities and some times I think I should just give it another shot and see if I can grow to love him the way he loves me. Am I being delusional?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Dont settle for anyone in order to not be alone, that is what it sounds like to me that you want to do.

    Is it not possible to just be friends with him?

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123

    Is it not possible to just be friends with him?
    Not if he sees the OP as a lover, which it looks like he does, rather than a friend.

  4. #4
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    That's nuts.

    Wait until you find the right guy, and block the ex.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    You sound like you're desperately wanting to be with anyone so you won't be alone.

    Maybe you should give try to be single for a while instead of trying to force yourself to feel feelings for someone.

    It doesn't even make sense to consider someone you feel like you've got to hope and pray you will love.

    Let it go, he's not the one.

  7. #6
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    You will never reciprocate his feelings and itís unfair of you to still allow him to tell you his feelings.
    In fact itís selfish.

    You spent far too long in a rebound relationship and I assume that was because of your own fears.

    Iím guessing you still havenít actually grieved the loss of your ex before him?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Never let loneliness and desperation be your guide. Decide on a self improvement plan that includes taking classes, courses, joining groups, clubs, etc to broaden your social horizons and have more fun. Also update your look, get in shape, eat better, get new clothes, hair, etc. Get on some quality dating apps and start messaging and meeting men. Move forward, not back and forth in a vicious cycle.

    Consider some short term therapy to explore why you've hung on to an on/off damaging, toxic situation for so long and now again want to enter another round of on/off drama.
    Originally Posted by Gemini528
    I've been on and off w my ex more times than I can count in the last 18months.
    Never could get the relationship off the ground long enough due to trust issues
    I don't love him anymore the way I used to.
    We broke up 9 days ago AGAIN after living together for a month.
    For the past year this guy has taken advantage of me, mooched off of me, acted shady, and possibly cheated

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Jetta's Avatar
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    No you don't grow to love someone. My 2nd husband was that situation. He loved me I thought I'd grow to love him. Didn't happen, don't do it. Big mistake.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I'd feel like a pretty big d1ck if I knew I was keeping a good woman from finding someone who innately loves and appreciates her. Not a great way to treat people.

  11. #10
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    >>My ex still emails me professing his love and asking for another chance, and despite all the problems, he KNOWS me and chooses to love me despite all my flaws. <<


    Does he know you don't love him? I presume so, unless you've been lying to him.

    Assuming he knows, then he's a bit of a chump imo, for continuing to profess his love and wanting to get back together, not sure how you respect a guy like that, let alone fall in love with him.

    So no I don't believe you will ever grow to love him.

    Just keep going, meeting men, dating. You'll meet your Mr. Right eventually

    Are you 100% sure you're over your first ex?

    What if HE came back professing love, how would feel?

    Serious question.

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