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Thread: Break up and 1 week no contact

  1. #1
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    Break up and 1 week no contact

    Hello, I am recently out of a short term relationship. I met this guy literally 2 months ago, things were going great and then suddenly out of the blue, he stood me up. Now, a little back story, he knew of me from years before, but I didn't know of him. I finally noticed him and when he reached out (2 months ago) I was open to it, and began dating him. Things were going great, he was so supportive of me, took my car to get serviced, made me feel protected, and valued. Then he began to act a bit distant (what I believe is the number one relationship killer). What also made me feel uneasy is that he also had a bad habit of casually mentioning his ex in our conversations. I could literally be talking about phones and he would be like "my ex used to have that phone but I helped her get a new one" or something trivial. It made me sad because I was now sharing my heart with him and it would feel like a jab to my heart.
    Anyway,

    Then this past weekend we had plans (nothing crazy just movies/wine at my place) and as the clock kept ticking, I texted and called and no answer. I then panicked and hoped he was ok. Basically, long story short, he stood me up. I was so sad because this was someone I was becoming vulnerable with.

    The next morning I see a missed call but no text messages, which I found odd. He should have at least sent a message to explain what happened. I then call and he gave me the old lame excuse for standing me up "I fell asleep". I felt a gut punch or intuition that said "GET OUT" and so at that moment I just wished him well and said I really liked him, but I prefer to be with someone that will have enough respect for me and my time. It was too soon and too early in our relationship to start getting this comfortable especially with disrespectful behavior.

    After we hung up, I instantly regretted it.

    Fast forward to 1 week later (we broke up last week) and he has not called or texted not even once. I then have realized that maybe it wasn't a mistake, and that him standing me up was a passive aggressive way for him to get out from the relationship.

    I then noticed he is still viewing my snapchat stories. I know the usual respond to this is "why don't you block his ass" but truthfully, our breakup was not that brutal for me to block him. I am not going to lie, I miss him, but I have realized in my past relationships I NEVER listened to my intuition, or that gut feeling that something is off, and usually when I do pay attention, it's too late. I vowed to myself, if something is fishy, or if I feel disrespected, I need to get out before it's too late.

    So, why am I posting here, I just needed to vent, not really asking for advice or wanting to know if I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing for leaving him, but I am a little put off by the fact that he is still viewing my snapchat stories, it makes me feel like he is trying to get my attention, without really putting in any effort.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If you are put off with him looking at your snapchat the easy fix for that is to block him. You know you are PO'd with him, so why not put an end to this by blocking him and then moving on?

    I agree he may have done the passive aggressive thing and stood you up so you'd get mad and dump him, maybe he didnt have the nerve to dump you, for whatever reason. It was a short relationship so I think you should chalk it up to experience and move on.

  3. #3
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    Of course you did the right thing.

    He is not over his ex, and it is completely unacceptable to stand you up. Now, block this guy's azz. He is a waste of time!

  4. #4
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    You dated a guy for 8 weeks. Only.

    He took your car to get serviced ( itís a guy thing , women stress about it , guys donít , generally speaking of course)
    But why would you equate that to feeling ďprotectedĒ?
    I would be just loving the fact that I didnít have to do it lol, because to me itís a chore.

    But itís this bit that makes me not wonder why you are no longer together..,

    ď I could literally be talking about phones and he would be like "my ex used to have that phone but I helped her get a new one" or something trivial. It made me sad because I was now sharing my heart with him and it would feel like a jab to my heartĒ

    What does sharing a heart even mean?? And why would a chat about a phone suggest you are sharing your heart? And why within 8 weeks or 56 days would you even be bothered that he mentions an ex?

    Were you expecting some sort of commitment early days??

    As for when he stood you up. You actually said you had no concrete plans. I think he did fall asleep.

    But you are right to expect someone to commit to a plan or cancel with reasonable notice.

    He just wasnít as interested in you as you were in him. Doesnít make him a bad person though.
    He is still on snap chat and he sees your stories. He is not seeking to look at them . It doesnít bother him to see them because you are just someone he briefly dated.

    Are you analysing everyone that views your Snapchat or just him?

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  6. #5
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    You're regretting it because had you not rightly called him out on his bad behaviour, you hope that maybe he would have stayed in your life and changed his ways.

    But OP, he was showing you pretty clearly he was nowhere near as into you as you were into him. This was more than likely going to happen even if you hadn't pulled the plug when you did.

  7. #6
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    It sounds like, for whatever reason, he just did not fall in love with you. He was talking about the ex, so maybe he went back to her.

    I'm sorry about all this, but there are plenty of fish in the sea.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Of course you did the right thing.

    He is not over his ex, and it is completely unacceptable to stand you up. Now, block this guy's azz. He is a waste of time!
    THank you Holly, I totally agree with you. A lot of times we tend to over look these red flags simply because we don't want to be alone, but I could hear it in his voice and how insincere he sounded with his lame excuse, and I realized it's always better to be alone than to be a doormat. I had to learn this the very hard way from my past.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    He took your car to get serviced ( itís a guy thing , women stress about it , guys donít , generally speaking of course)
    But why would you equate that to feeling ďprotectedĒ?

    "What does sharing a heart even mean?? And why would a chat about a phone suggest you are sharing your heart? And why within 8 weeks or 56 days would you even be bothered that he mentions an ex? "

    "Were you expecting some sort of commitment early days?? "

    He just wasnít as interested in you as you were in him. Doesnít make him a bad person though.
    He is still on snap chat and he sees your stories. He is not seeking to look at them . It doesnít bother him to see them because you are just someone he briefly dated.

    Are you analysing everyone that views your Snapchat or just him?
    Because a guy can take a girl out to dinner and a movie anytime, but to check her car/tires/oil and make sure she is safe driving IS a form of protection for his girl.

    Ok let me explain by what I mean "sharing my heart" as in sharing my intimate thoughts, sharing my body, sharing what is IN my heart. I am bothered to keep hearing "my ex this, and my ex that" because after having sex with someone, you no longer want to hear about someone else. I don't mind when he spoke of her pertaining to his children with her but a lot of the time it had no relation to the kids, it was simply my ex this and my ex that and I was very sad about it. It is my feelings that I felt, one cannot help how to feel.

    As far as commitment, we already established that we were exclusive. People would ask if we together and he would say yes shes my girlfriend.

    On snap, I only analyze his. A funny observation I had made was that during our brief romance, he almost rarely looked at my snapchat. There were times he would view my first story, and then stop and not look at the rest. BUt now that we are no longer together, he is usually one of the first to view every story, no matter what I post. I just think it's odd behavior.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    You're regretting it because had you not rightly called him out on his bad behaviour, you hope that maybe he would have stayed in your life and changed his ways.

    But OP, he was showing you pretty clearly he was nowhere near as into you as you were into him. This was more than likely going to happen even if you hadn't pulled the plug when you did.
    I think you are right, deep down I was hoping he was going to contact me and ask for a chance to have a mature respectful relationship but that never happened. I guess I got my answer, as they say it's better now than later. I would have been more hurt later on down the line.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    It sounds like, for whatever reason, he just did not fall in love with you. He was talking about the ex, so maybe he went back to her.

    I'm sorry about all this, but there are plenty of fish in the sea.
    I thought the same thing. Oh well I guess it's time to move it along lol

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