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Thread: Breakup Help

  1. #1

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    Breakup Help

    Hi. Nearly 11 months ago my girlfriend of a year and a half and I broke up. She got a job and moved only an hour away from me but she works with horses so she had little spare time let alone time for me. She told me she still and will always love me, and left. I did what anyone would do and begged, which I regret. We now rarely talk, and used to be best friends before and during dating. I lost my girlfriend, the “one”, but I also lost my best friend. Near 11 months laters I still think of her daily, but she’s now 3 hours away in another country... I feel depressed all the time, and became unemployed in September... I’m a full time student but when not working I’m thinking of her. Her mother even keeps in contact with me more than her. I can’t see my life without her. Please, any help, I don’t know what to do. Thanks

  2. #2
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    You start by cutting her and her mother out of your life. it's over.

    Focus on getting a job. Do you have friends? Hobbies?

    She sees life without you. Move on. You are wasting your life.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    You start by cutting her and her mother out of your life. it's over.

    Focus on getting a job. Do you have friends? Hobbies?

    She sees life without you. Move on. You are wasting your life.
    Good advice here, please pay attention to it. She has moved on, and you need to do that too.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Morawind
    Hi. Nearly 11 months ago my girlfriend of a year and a half and I broke up. She got a job and moved only an hour away from me but she works with horses so she had little spare time let alone time for me. She told me she still and will always love me, and left. I did what anyone would do and begged, which I regret. We now rarely talk, and used to be best friends before and during dating. I lost my girlfriend, the “one”, but I also lost my best friend. Near 11 months laters I still think of her daily, but she’s now 3 hours away in another country... I feel depressed all the time, and became unemployed in September... I’m a full time student but when not working I’m thinking of her. Her mother even keeps in contact with me more than her. I can’t see my life without her. Please, any help, I don’t know what to do. Thanks
    You actually did what most people wouldn’t .... beg!?
    She outgrew the relationship and wanted to follow her passion , horses.
    You begging was basically undermining her. 11 months ago she said what she said, probably to soften the blow.

    When a relationship breaks up , so does the ties with their family.
    Her mother feels sorry for you but actually is not being nice to keep in touch. She knows her daughter does not want a relationship with you.

    You cling to false hope via her mother. Her mother has no control over her daughters emotions so please cut that contact.

    My own mother still tells me she wishes I had stayed with a “lovely” boy I dated 20 years ago lol.
    She makes me laugh!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    My heart goes out to you. I can appreciate the desire to return to your friendship, however, once you converted that to a romance, you changed the agenda of the relationship. As kids in school, we learned to break romances in the context of needing to still share classes and campus grounds and circles of friends. As adults, we learn that we don't need to do that, and to play 'friendzies' either stunts us from forming new romances or forces us to 'break up' all over again when the other finds a new romance. This is because few people in their right mind will involve themselves with anyone who still has an ex in the picture. So friendships with exes is messy kid stuff.

    This doesn't mean that you need to bash yourself into hopelessness, but rather, you can consider a gentler way of letting go. Trust that if the two of you were ever really a meant-to-be deal, you'll both meet on higher ground someday, but you'll both need to grow to that place on your own.

    This is more motivating to stretch yourself beyond the rumination that drills you into a deeper grief hole to climb out of. It enables you to make a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with new resilience and an ability to bounce back to create a better life. So move yourself forward and allow life to teach you where your healing will bring you. This is your percentage play regardless of outcomes, because no ex wants to return someone who has stagnated. Moving yourself to higher ground through self development, building a new social life and achieving private goals will buy you a higher perspective from which you'll be better equipped to handle a reconciliation someday--or to find a more suitable love elsewhere.

    Head high, you can do this. It's a decision.


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