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Thread: I don't know what I mean to him?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by harmin15
    Hi

    My friend of four years never really told me who I was to him. Like I was always unsure whether I was his friend or would it be more. We did most things together verging on couple like things and probably crossed a lot of boundaries (not physical). He then before Christmas told me he was setting boundaries after four yeara. Recently after an argument he told me to leave him alone. With Easter coming up, I want to make a mends with him but we haven't spoken in 2months. I care for him deeply. Don't really know how to get his attention.
    He asked you to leave him alone. How about you do that.

    If he wants to make amends with you, he will contact you.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Therapy would help you sort out the insecurities and issues that lead to these types of obsessions, anxieties and confusion. You never dated this guy, so leave him alone and get on some dating apps to find a real bf.

  3. #13
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    Already having therapy and it's helping. I know I never dated him but we became good friends and don't really want to lose that friendship. I know the whole dynamic is strange to alot of people but it's just hard to put into context how much I care about him. I know he asked me to leave him alone but I just thought it was out of anger as what I did wasn't that bad, it's not like I cheated.
    It's just hard because I lost my nan in July, then on the same day my best friend blocked me and two months ago he told me to leave him alone. I know I can be needy and obsessive at times but when I care about someone it's very hard for me to walk away from them even if it's easy for them.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How could you "cheat" on someone you were never with?

    Seems like you thought of him as your boyfriend but he didn't think of you as his girlfriend.

    If he asked you to leave him alone...you should leave him alone.

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  6. #15
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    I meant in the context of the mistake, as in the mistake isn't comparable to someone cheating. I always knew were friends, never thought of him as my boyfriend. I know I should as i don't want to make it worse but it's very hard when someone is always there and then they're not.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You guys hung out like a couple - which means dated - for four years and you still are just friends? That's a seriously long time with no kissing.

    It's not like the Hollywood movies. You will likely always be just friends.

    No problem! Just find another man to date.

  8. #17
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I understand your obsessive nature, but this unhealthy tendency will always serve to push people away from you. When you obsess over others, they can never do enough for you or be enough for you. You will always expect too much from them. Your focus right now should be on yourself. You can take that obsessive side of you and flip it into a healthy focus if it's on the right thing, which for now should be personal growth. Continue therapy and if your friend wants to reconnect, they will.

  9. #18
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    Thanks for your answer Likewater. Yeah just wish people close to me would understand that I'm not obsessive in a dangerous way towards them, it's just all built up in my own mind, not external if that makes sense.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by harmin15
    Thanks for your answer Likewater. Yeah just wish people close to me would understand that I'm not obsessive in a dangerous way towards them, it's just all built up in my own mind, not external if that makes sense.
    If people close to you are thinking you are obsessive toward them, it's obviously showing outwardly.

    I'm glad you are getting therapy. It's only going to help.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by harmin15
    The only other thing would be I can be quite obsessive sometimes ( stems from anxiety ) but not in a dangerous way. Earlier on he and my other friend had got annoyed because of it and me messaging them too much and thought it was weird. That combined with the social media incident may have just meant they had enough. I hope that makes sense
    Is the other friend still in touch with you?

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