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Thread: Not sure how to make lemonade out of lemons with this situation...

  1. #1

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    Not sure how to make lemonade out of lemons with this situation...

    So there’s a girl I’m into in some of my classes at school. We’re in the same major and she’s a member of my university’s chapter for professional development in our field. I joined as well at the end of last month, and they had a social event that weekend. So I went, figuring I should introduce myself to everyone and also because it seemed like a good opportunity to talk to her.

    But I messed it up. I was out late the night before and ended up getting less than two hours of sleep, and that was coupled with me generally not being great at first impressions outside of work and me being nervous to talk to her, because I’m shy with girls at first. So I gave off a bad first impression. And I wanted to talk to her about it and hopefully redeem myself but it’s about to be two weeks later and I haven’t said anything, because of nervousness.

    So what do I do, what do I say? I’ve caught her looking at me here and there and although I have a lot of faults, I am attractive. So she probably thinks I’m cute, for whatever that’s worth. I feel like the situation isn’t hopeless. I just overthink a lot, like I’m doing right now. So what to do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    How did you mess it up? I'm just curious (if you are comfortable sharing that). Did you stand on her foot or drop the punch down her shirt or say she looked terrible in her outfit... ?

    Also, what kinds of faults do you have that you're nervous about?

  3. #3
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    What did you do?

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    I was kind of awkward and I think I came off as trying too hard. I wasn’t very charming at all. There wasn’t like a particular action I’m talking about. Although at one point there was a hose we were allowed to pick up that was supposed to be fairly heavy (this event was a tour), I went over to mess with it and accidentally knocked over the base it was standing on, which was awkward. She was like “well it’s light for you, so...”

    As for the faults, that was more of just a general statement. I just felt like saying I’m good-looking without prefacing it with something self-deprecating might make me sound pretentious.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Oh okay. If it wasn't terribly bad, just speak to her the next time you see her. There's not much we can do to help you without knowing the full situation. I don't think you should overthink things. You're both part of a yearly membership now so there's lots more to see of each other. Your chapter will be organizing events and may need volunteers. Make the most of your time in uni.

  7. #6
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    The next time you meet with her, just come off as your confident self.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A person is usually his own worst critic. Your flaws are magnified in your own mind, whereas to her, might not have been that big of a deal. I'd say to go over and speak to her about school stuff, i.e., "So, how do you think you did on that last test? I'm having a hard time with xyz. Do you understand it? What classes do you think you'll take next semester?"

    Next time after that, you can maybe ask if she did anything fun on the weekend. If you're receiving good signals from her, maybe ask if she has time to get a soda, smoothie, coffee, or whatever, between classes or after the last class of the day if you get out at the same time.

    It's always better to take a risk versus not trying at all. Don't let opportunities pass you by, even if they don't end up working out how you wished.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Just try to say something funny next time - women love to laugh.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would NOT raise anything about when you last met. If you believe that you were overcompensating, then that would be a horrible confirmation of that. You also don't want to direct someone's memory back to relive any moments you're not proud of.

    Since we can't change first impressions, we can either get hung up about that and live with that barrier, or we can consider every future opportunity to interact as making our 'new' impression.

    Scale back on attempts to impress and just allow yourself to be the kind person you are. Simple kindness triumphs over playing the entertainer. Maturity will teach you this over time, but meanwhile, just trust that it's true and you'll thank yourself later.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Relax and just start being friendly and engage in some chitchat. Eventually see how that goes and ask her out. Do not have deep relationship talks with someone you've never even spoken to. Stop trying to impress people. Be yourself.
    Originally Posted by Radiorxy
    I gave off a bad first impression. And I wanted to talk to her about it and hopefully redeem myself.


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