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Thread: It's ramblin' time.

  1. #31
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I've never been diagnosed, no. And I've had full pychiatric evaluations so I don't really think I do, but I do appear to have sharp and sudden mood swings from super high to unbearably low.

    Why use psychedelics? Because I feel they are beneficial to me, and there's no side-effects or risk of addiction. They're naturally occurring flora/fungi that have been utilized as tools for the mind for who knows how long. They have a plethora of medicinal possibilities as well which have come to light in the western world recently(finally). They're miraculous, complex compounds and it's a crime that they've been handled in such a way by authorative figures. Every human should have the right to do with their own bodies whatever they please.

    But the short answer is because I enjoy them and I use them responsibly, and they've provided me with some of the most profound, insane experiences of my life that I could never convey with words and do an ounce of justice to just how powerful they were. Your question to me is no different than asking someone why skydive or why permanently ink your body. These things mean a lot to those who partake in them. And fun fact, you're 1000% more likely to die doing these two activities.

    My gf flaked on me because her mom suddenly needed her help painting just out of the blue (her mom knew we had plans too) and my gf is incapable of telling her no. I swear her mom treats her like a servant sometimes. My grandmother is disabled and does more for herself. But C needs to learn to stop letting her mom take advantage of her kindness.

  2. #32
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    Luckily C hit me up and asked if I wanted to get some drinks tomorrow night and then share a hotel room.

    She says sex is more fun in hotels, which made me giddy. I'd have to agree with her on that.

    She's gonna bring some new outfits and such, too. It's gonna be a great night.

  3. #33
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    It seems like she wants to make up for flaking on me the other day, which makes me very happy and like I can trust that this won't become a habit. I'm also really enjoying her willingness to take the lead at times when she feels like treating me to a good time. It's different than others I've been with where I felt like the onus was always on me. We take turns and I'm loving it. I think she is too.

  4. #34
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I think it's time to leave this website behind. I feel I have nothing to contribute and though I like helping people it seems to just be in vain more often than not. I haven't wrote anything in this journal for a while because I simply don't need it, and honestly this section of the forum has been the only part I've given a damn about for a long while. It was this section and the people who frequent it that helped me the most when I needed it, but now I'm at a point where there's nothing to gain. It's unnecessary.

    I really miss the community this place used to have, a lot of great and wise and empathetic individuals who have moved on from here as well, and I guess it's time I do the same.

    If any of the people who used to really have my back in my dark days read this, thank you so much for the care you showed me back then. But now I can't even get replies in PMs from some of those same people, which is fine because I understand that people change and I know it feels to not have the desire to bother. And others have just left this place behind same as it's time for me to.

    This place just doesn't feel the same and perhaps it's just my 'era' here has ended. But a lot of it is for the first time in nearly a decade my life is actually going so well. I've learned to trust again and I finally have multiple people who genuinely value and care for me and show it all the time. There's no guesswork and no drama and damn does it feel good.

    So with that, I'm saying farewell. To the people I bonded with here, I'll always cherish the time you took to try and help me, and to those I butted heads with, I'm sorry and genuinely wish you well. Goodbye, guys.

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  6. #35
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I highly doubt anyone will care. Too many times have iI thought I was done needing this space, always believing I'd finally found the answer. Nah, truth is there is no answer for me. Yes, i'm single again, and I never wanna try this love bs again. Just not worth it. I'm too messed up. I'll always be this way. I wish i'd just die.

  7. #36
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    What happened, LW? You seemed really happy with this woman.

    I've been single for over a year. I haven't tried to get back out there either.

    How are you dealing with covid?

  8. #37
    Gold Member LikeWater's Avatar
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    I was really happy with her. I loved her with everything I have but it wasn't enough. She found someone else who makes her happier I guess. Really feels great to know I'm so replaceable.

    I'm just gonna stay single as well, I don't blame you at all. I'm not cut out for this. I don't ever wanna feel this way again. I feel truly worthless.

    Not dealing with covid well or really anything right now. I'm a mess right now and I don't know what to do. Just gotta keep making it to the next day I guess.

  9. #38
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    You are not worthless or replaceable. One person's assessment of your worth does not mean that it's true. If she tossed you out for someone else like that, then says far more about her than it does about you.

    Day by day. That's all you can do. If that becomes too much, take it hour by hour, or minute by minute.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I care. You are stuck with me as your bud for life now, even if we never meet.
    I'm really sorry to hear about the break up. I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

  11. #40
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    Thanks so much, Fudgie and IAG. Your kindness means everything to me right now. My head is so messed up that I don't even know what to say. Just know I appreciate you both very much.

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