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Thread: Worst Breakup - I went homeless. Does He Deserve A Second Chance? Aquarius Guy

  1. #1
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    Worst Breakup - I went homeless. Does He Deserve A Second Chance? Aquarius Guy

    I am sorry, its a bit long....
    We were madly in love with each other and we were dead serious about each other. He told me (after 4 months, of course we already had sex) I was his first real girlfriend and that he was a virgin before. It shocked me but I accepted the fact, I accepted everything about this man: not handsome, very short, a bit overweighted, he is a nerd, studies until 31 (with a Phd), grew up well protected, only child, he is not good at conflict situations(I will explain the mother in our relationship later) Me: started dating with 15, way more mature than my age, good looking, grew up the hardcore way, not well protected, studies and worked in 3 continents, not have much but financially independent, doing my MBA. We are both 31. We have the same interest, love technology, love to fly, love to dive, love food, love opera, love cultivated stuffs, even the fact that I haven't watched TV for 10 years, we loved the same TV shows, we love to serving to each other, to take care of each other, we could't sleep without each other after only 2 months. After only 3 months I moved into his apartment. I didn't want it in the beginning, I have an Asian background, living together with my partner is too much commitment for me, that I need have to marry him. He lost weight with my help, with my cookings. When he was still doing the Phd, he came back home the food was ready. I did spa to him, was giving him a facial treatment once in two weeks. Yes I cut his hairs to make him save money, whenever he needed me, his "graduation", every time, everything(he was a bit stressed because his father has cancer and leaving the university starting a new life), I was there for him to make him to relax. We bought some new furnitures and we decorated the house. He got me a Christmas tree, because it was important for me to have one. He was allowed to give me head massage when I was taking a bath. Ever friend told me they could see how obsessed he was with me.

    We had two not serious fights since I moved into his apartment. First: It was about that I haven't met his parents in person. Which for me its not respectful to live with the partner without knowing the parents. So he booked the flights to Luxembourg to let me meet his family. Second: I wanted to get married soon. I know it's crazy, but it's my background... not only the cultural difference (Im Asian, grew up in Europe) I am on my own since I was 17 y.o. Very independent, ambitious, career driven until last year. (He didn't see this side of me, as my startup failed shortly before we met each other, I tried so hard, I have put my everything into this project - I wanted it to take a break before graduating with the MBA in May.) Being through a lot of things in my young age, I have seen many different things, I have travelled to see the world (more than 50 countries), I was ready to settle down with the man I love and would take care of him for the rest of my life. It was him. I told him that. As he told me, he is not ready, maybe in 5 years. I said I will leave him, I cannot wait for 5 years. He went on his knee, he cried so bad and begged me to stay. It broke my heart to see him crying. He explained me that he will work every work this year to be able to have a salary negotiation next year, so we could save up some money, and we could provide more to our children, and he will be ready. I accepted it. I understood I cannot leave him break his heart and I was ready to be a mama with 35, I will still be a good mother at 35.
    Fight three: I have found a very cheap but way more bigger apartment so I wanted to move in with him in May. (He will start his job in June). For me it was the perfect one, bigger, and with a small garden. He didn't want it and I was mad. He said I freak out. I raised my voice. I said things I didn't mean it like then I will leave you. You can cancel the flight to Luxembourg. Then he started yelling at me: if you don't go to Luxembourg with me, it's over!!! You move out by the 1th of May!!! He then went to the bedroom and called his mother....I was mad because the mother knows our love details.. and I wished for the support of the mother for my choice. So I left our house and went to see a friend. I sent him a text message hours later to say Im sorry to be yelling at you. Im leaving next week. I didn't mean it, I was mad. When I came back home, he already packed up everything of my stuffs!! I was in a shock!!! He asked me for the keys! He deleted my photo on instagram "with the love of my life", he took out our pictures from the frames. I was incredibly **** - so I throw all the gifts away what he gave me and I ripped our pictures. I throw things at him. He yelled at me: this is my apartment.
    During that night I went on his ipad and found out all the conversations - he lied to me. He said he was never with a Chinese girl before. Well, there were 3 others, he took all of us to the same restaurants, same bars, even the same selfie from the same place and the same gifts. It confused me very much. I didn't feel special anymore. Every woman deserves to feel special right.

    The next morning his mother called me to tell me to get a taxi and move into a hotel room....that he cannot throw me out, then I leave by myself...what a mother. I could not believe he involved this mother into this.... it was so insensitive you know... It was a common home. Emotionally it was my home. I cried because the mother said this to me. He wanted to have his ipad back, I pushed him away. He threatened me with the police! To leave by 12:30!! Well, I had to call my friends to come over....They came and she said if you have two balls just pay her a hotel room. Why don't you leave. He answered with: I have already paid the rent here for two months. I mean regardless. You cannot imagine my shock in that moment. The police came and I moved to my friend's place and we returned him the keys. Long story short: 5 days later I went back there to pick up the rest of my stuffs - the mother drove all the way from Luxembourg and helped him packing my stuffs. So disrespectful. The mother was watching me over to see me carrying the bags.... I said to my friend what a mama's boy in front of her and also what a sociopath. I told him you will never see me again and he mother was like: what a luck. Unbelievable. I understand what I must hurt him so much - and then I was hurt. His eyes were without emotions, so cruel, so cold. His mother's eyes were filled with anger. He had a witness there when he was turning me my gifts to him and handling me over my letters. I was from the one to another day homeless in a foreign country, he abandoned me 3 weeks before my graduation (I need to fly to the US for the graduation).

    A few days later when I was drunk I went to e place at night, it made me very angry because he locked the door from outside (it was for me my home), he came down and I slap him and left. Well, he of course called the police again but I already left and I don't remember that I should have slap him. I know it from my mother. He called my mother the following day to tell her that I was aggressive and dangerous. The police called me 2 days ago and wanted my statement. I haven't contact him since then, it's been 10 days. I understand that I have hurt him with: I don't go to Luxembourg with you. He is extremely sensitive and he cannot deal with conflicts, he is way too much protected by his mother. And I am more mature, I know only love is not enough, its the compromises, its the communications, its the ability to solve problems when you cool off. He will never understand this, because his mother has his back and she doesn't think this way. He had plans with me, he had a whole week planed with me. And even a week before he had booked a surprise weekend for me. The surprise weekend was one week later he went nuts. But packing my stuffs because of a fight was too much for me. And threaten me with the police, I mean what grown up man will call the police...telling me I don't have a contract with the landlord...getting his mother involved and abandon me was too much to put on me. I haven't contacted him since then, my shock is gone.

  2. #2
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    ďWe had two not serious fights since I moved into his apartment. First: It was about that I haven't met his parents in person. Which for me its not respectful to live with the partner without knowing the parents.Ē

    Not respectful to who? And who is the one being disrespectful?
    If you go against your culture then YOU need to take responsibility for that.

  3. #3
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    This is not healthy! This is why you DO NOT move in with people after three months. You do not know them. He runs to mommy every time there is a problem. Ugh!

    You want to give someone a second chance who is a liar and threw you out? Do not give him a second chance.

    You two are terrible together.

  4. #4
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    Calling the police, should be a huge indicator that you two should not be together.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    You're unhinged. Worse, you're also violent. The kind of grown man who would call the police on such a woman is one who knows better than to risk a charge simply shoving her off him. Stop showing up at his apartment unannounced to hit him. Act just a fraction of how mature you claim to be. If you need to meet someone's family prior to moving in, then do that before moving in. Don't push for marriage with someone you've been with a handful of months. You don't get to make a unilateral decision on what apartment you and your partner move to. All of these fights were incredibly inappropriate pretty much at any stage of a relationship, never mind the stage you two were in.

    He's a mama's boy. So what? I might make a joke or two at his expense, but at the end of the day, they're not harming anyone. I'd sooner have him as a neighbor than someone who's unstable and aggressive. Speaking sincerely, I hope you'll seek some help.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    How does this
    "A few days later when I was drunk I went to e place at night, it made me very angry because he locked the door from outside (it was for me my home), he came down and I slap him and left."
    correspond to this
    "And I am more mature, I know only love is not enough, its the compromises, its the communications, its the ability to solve problems when you cool off. "

    You think getting drunk and slapping men is "mature"?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    To answer the title question, no I would not allow someone who left me homeless back into my life

    I donít know that Iíd define what he did as that but no I wouldnít.

    Is this America? If so Iím shocked the police had you leave, itís illegal to just kick a tenant out even if you didnít have an agreement with the apartment, you were his significant other, there are legal steps that would have needed to be taken, but thatís neither here nor there since after all that you put your hands on him. He had the right after that.

    I can see that he was wrong in overly including his mother in your relationship and had some communication issues but you did too so unfortunately it was two people who lacked the proper coping and communication skills to make it through conflicts.

    Itís probably best to let sleeping dogs lie.

    I would however look into some sort of therapy for yourself to learn proper communication and coping. Putting your hands on someone is never ok and while I completely understand you wanting to follow your culture, if someone has a different culture he isnít necessarily required to follow yours. Respect it, yes, follow unfortunately it has to be a mutual agreement and it seems he was just placating you instead of embracing your culture so again unfortunately it seems to just be a bad match. Plus he lied to you about major things like his dating history. This relationship is a complete no go.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    ďWe had two not serious fights since I moved into his apartment. First: It was about that I haven't met his parents in person. Which for me its not respectful to live with the partner without knowing the parents.Ē

    Not respectful to who? And who is the one being disrespectful?
    If you go against your culture then YOU need to take responsibility for that.
    I wouldn't say he's being disrespectful but I wouldn't say he's NOT being disrespectful either. When you date someone from a different culture, there are different expectations and customs and if her parents have these expectations to make them feel at ease about him dating their daughter (like simply meeting him) her partner should be just as worried about meeting them as she is.

    It's not illegal for him to ignore her family expectations but morally, if he cares about the girl (which is clear he doesn't) he should be just as worried about impressing her family as she is. When you care about someone making their family comfortable comes with the territory.

    Matter of fact I've heard that a partner having no interest in the important people in your life (friends, family...ect) is actually a red flag.

  10. #9
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    I don't think you should go back to this guy. I don't think that would be a safe move for you. When he asked you to leave your home, he took you out of a safe situation (your home situation) and he forced you to be homeless. That should tell you everything you need to know about how he feels about you. A man that cares about you will leave the home and stay with a friend before he kicks YOU out. Call me old fashioned but I think he jeopardize your safety. Yes you were in a hotel but he kicked you out of a home you two obviously tried to build together. The fact he couldn't sleep on the couch/make you sleep on the couch and felt that he needed the drama of kicking you out says a lot. The fact he had his mother do it says more.

    I'm going to say that this relationship is unhealthy and he sounds unstable. I think everyone deserves to feel secure in the living situation and I take that seriously. He's adult to have a woman move in with him but he can't even tell her he wants her out himself? He has his mother do it? Don't go back to this child.

    Stabilize your life and living situation and heal from dating this jerk.

    Good luck

  11. #10
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    You both got major issues, you need to stay away from each other.

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