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Thread: wanting other people

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you are incompatible. It's not about anyone finding other people attractive. It's not about being honest. It's about you feel worried, suspicious and fraught with doubt the whole time and he will feel constrained and possibly pursue an "open relationship" with or without your knowledge at some point. He does not seem as interested in an exclusive relationship as you are. Why bother with this?
    Originally Posted by boo8
    His past three relationships have been open relationships

  2. #12
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    People fantasize about having other lovers sometimes, it's normal.

    But the better people have enough sense not to tell their girlfriend about their silly fantasies! Let's just say he's not very sophisticated.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boo8
    It came out of the blue, as he had been struggling with it for a wee while after a woman had flirted with him. He said he had no intention of doing anything, that he wanted to, but knowing where I stand, that he wouldn't do that. I later pushed for an ultimate answer wishing to know what page were both one.
    I agree that to find others attractive is normal, its the wanting to do something about it that I struggle with. Im fine with the looking, not fine with the wanting to to but stopping himself...that means that we're both being short changed.
    I think you've come to your own conclusions. Good for you. Be true to yourself and believe in what's right for you. Everything else will fall into place.

  4. #14

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I think you've come to your own conclusions. Good for you. Be true to yourself and believe in what's right for you. Everything else will fall into place.
    Thank you, I have and I ended it.

    Thanks everybody for your replies, it's all been helpful. :)

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boo8
    Thank you, I have and I ended it.

    Thanks everybody for your replies, it's all been helpful. :)
    Smart choice. I'd take value from the lesson that dating is to learn about your compatibility and to screen out bad matches. So if someone tells you that they've been in open relationships, it's not 'judgy' or 'uncool' to view that as a giant neon sign that says 'lousy match' for someone who wants monogamy.

    Be true to yourself, and hold out for the RIGHT match for you.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    He is NOT "a good enough man." It's time for you to get a new boyfriend.

    No, you're not being naive. You're using your brain when you say this is a real deal breaker for you. I couldn't agree more.

  8. #17
    Member FleurDeLys's Avatar
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    It's natural to feel attracted to other people and desire them while in a relationship. It happens to a lot of people. Expecting someone to find you the most desirable person in the world and desires only you for the rest of your life is unrealistic. What matters is how they act on it in regards to your relationship and the boundaries you've set and what's okay and not okay. And keep in mind that just because he thinks of others as attractive doesn't mean he loves you less or find you less attractive.

    Your boyfriend didn't do anything wrong here, you asked and he was honest with you. If he was in open relationship before it probably didn't occur to him it could be come off as hurtful as in open relationships people are usually pretty straight forward and honest about this kind of things.

    If you feel secure about this though, let him know. Don't guilt trip him, just plainly explains how it makes you feel and he cares about you he'll be happy to provide reassurance.

  9. #18
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    Deleted, posted before I read update that you ended it.

    Good for you boo, hope you're okay! xx

  10. #19
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    xoxoxoxoxox

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