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Thread: Boyfriend's ex

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2

    Unfortunately they still live together because they want to.

    They still live like a couple and you are a third wheel in their relationship. Rethink how "amazing" this guy really is if the criteria for "amazing" is "he works and doesn't want to sleep on my couch".
    This^^. I would never remain in a situation like this. In fact my own "rule" re ex's is I won't even date a man who still keeps in contact with an ex unless they have kids together and are co-parenting.

    It just causes more confusion and unnecessary drama than it's worth.

    But that's me, my own self-imposed rule.

    I don't trust this sit as you described, there's something very fishy about it.

    You say they're "friends" - friends with benefits perhaps? At the very least.

    I know that isn't what you want to hear, and I'm sorry, but that's what it sounds like to me.

    Edit: Just read your update. Why do you both need to talk to her? I'm not getting that at all!

    In any event, talk is cheap, let's see if he lives up to his word.

    Best of luck.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-18-2019 at 06:34 PM.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    This^^. I would never remain in a situation like this. In fact my own "rule" re ex's is I won't even date a man who still keeps in contact with an ex unless they have kids together and are co-parenting.

    It just causes more confusion and unnecessary drama than it's worth.

    But that's me, my own self-imposed rule.

    I don't trust it, there's something very fishy about it.

    You say they're "friends" - friends with benefits perhaps? At the very least.

    I know that isn't what you want to hear, and I'm sorry, but that's what it sounds like to me.
    Ironically I married my ex and we had extremely limited contact for the almost 8 years we were apart - definitely not friends. barely acquaintances. I would never have tolerated someone living with his ex. My husband and I have both remained friendly with/friends with exes over the years and no issues.

  3. #23
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    I understand y'all's points but I can assure you there isn't a friend's with benefits thing going on, he is literally a pushover he was the same in highschool lol but we talked and he said he doesn't want to lose me and we will see what happens. As for me talking to her with him that was my idea and he said that was fine, like I said he is a pushover and I'm loving he is finally gonna put his foot down but I'm going to make sure he either follows threw with it or if he doesn't I know my next step.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Pleasehelp19
    Ok took some of the advice, y'all have been very helpful. I talked to him and he agrees it's been inappropriate so he and I agreed we'd both talk to her and leave her the apartment because it's to small anyway and get a place together, ty y'all again so much
    From your first post:

    >> I can't seem to get him to just cut her off.<<

    I'm so curious what you said that would convince him, after three years in this situation with no budge to change it, to finally agree to talk to her (with you there). Leave her the apt and get a place with you?

    What did you say that had not been said previously ? Must've been some pretty powerful words, wow.

    I hope it all works out for you.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-18-2019 at 06:56 PM.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Pleasehelp19
    I understand y'all's points but I can assure you there isn't a friend's with benefits thing going on, he is literally a pushover he was the same in highschool lol but we talked and he said he doesn't want to lose me and we will see what happens. As for me talking to her with him that was my idea and he said that was fine, like I said he is a pushover and I'm loving he is finally gonna put his foot down but I'm going to make sure he either follows threw with it or if he doesn't I know my next step.
    He's still being a pushover. Except he's being "pushed over" by you.

    Sounds like the kind of guy who will agree with anyone who's in front of him just so he can avoid anyone getting mad at him.

  7. #26
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    I think he's very happy with having the best of both worlds, as well as being amazed at his skills for keeping it going.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    He wants to live with her but wants you to think he "has to" and he's just being this altruistic person about it. A huge red flag in addition to their continued cohabitation is that he is blaming her for all this. It's time to rethink this guy.

    Not to mention, you can't visit him there comfortably so your place will have to be the love nest. Why date someone who insists on placing this many obstacles in the way?

    And now he wants to make you the heavy and insist you both talk to her? This is his problem not yours.
    Originally Posted by Pleasehelp19
    we are talking about trying to live together in the next 6 months to a year but can't cause she won't leave and he is to nice to make her which irritates me. he and I agreed we'd both talk to her and leave her the apartment because it's to small anyway and get a place together,

  9. 04-19-2019, 11:50 AM


  10. 04-19-2019, 12:36 PM
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  11. 04-19-2019, 12:38 PM
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  12. 04-19-2019, 12:39 PM
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    Reference to deleted posts.

  13. #28
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    I won't lie it helps that just before we talked he found out she stole a few hundred out of his bank account.

  14. #29
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    I asked to join in the talk he didn't suggest it and I go over and visit plenty not really weird at all, she just gives me a bad vibe and apparently I was right. And he never said they had to live together she refused to leave and to get court orders to get her out would be expensive trust me. They live in an apartment and his best friend also lives there as a roommate but he works she's the only one that doesn't. But all that's irrelevant considering once he talks to his bank Monday she probably going to be arrested so oh well.

  15. #30
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    Originally Posted by Pleasehelp19
    I asked to join in the talk he didn't suggest it and I go over and visit plenty not really weird at all, she just gives me a bad vibe and apparently I was right. And he never said they had to live together she refused to leave and to get court orders to get her out would be expensive trust me. They live in an apartment and his best friend also lives there as a roommate but he works she's the only one that doesn't. But all that's irrelevant considering once he talks to his bank Monday she probably going to be arrested so oh well.
    How did she get his banking information?

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