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Thread: Dating single dad, why is he pulling away??

  1. #21
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    This relationship is moving a little fast - him talking about long term already, and introducing you to the kids, and you calling him your boyfriend already. Red flag.

    Anyway, you just saw him this weekend. If he's got kids, he's busy. Give him a week or two to make the next date. Let's see what happens.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Give him a week or two to make the next date. Let's see what happens.
    ^^^^^^^ and a few more to make it a t least 10 characters

  3. #23
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    Is he over his ex? Does he mention her?

    Sounds like you rushed into this too hard.

  4. #24
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    We can make guesses all day long but it's not going to help your situation. You need to have a conversation with him. You need to communicate to him, that you don't play games, and he needs to be honest with you. You have certain expectations, and if he can't fulfill them, then you would like to move on...simple as that.
    Since you say he has dated very little over the last 3 years, that should tell you he has commitment issues and you are seeing it first hand. Things moving too fast for him? then you two are not on the same page and never will be. You have better things to do than be "waiting" for some guy to make up his mind.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Smackie and Ray Ray(page 2) put it into better words than I did. I think it's about communication and patience/time. I agree with the comments especially about perceived crises (Ray Ray) and being on the same page (Smackie).

  7. #26
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    So Iíve decided I agree this is all wayyy out of my comfort zone and way too fast. I usually move way slower and felt pretty uncomfortable with how fast it was going. Him doing a 180 just as fast caught me off guard as well. Iím too old to play games and it feels like thatís what heís doing. I now havnít heard from him at all since I posted this and even if he does call or try to get back in touch with me Iím done. I have a pretty dangerous job and we had a horrible storm tonight, he couldnít even bother to tell me to be safe like he normally does. I deserve better and deff not something moving so fast.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by BeenBurned
    So Iíve decided I agree this is all wayyy out of my comfort zone and way too fast. I usually move way slower and felt pretty uncomfortable with how fast it was going. Him doing a 180 just as fast caught me off guard as well. Iím too old to play games and it feels like thatís what heís doing. I now havnít heard from him at all since I posted this and even if he does call or try to get back in touch with me Iím done. I have a pretty dangerous job and we had a horrible storm tonight, he couldnít even bother to tell me to be safe like he normally does. I deserve better and deff not something moving so fast.
    I sense that you imagined him to be too old to play games and therefore assumed he wasnít.
    And you assumed that he wouldnít introduce you to his kids as part of that game. But he did.

    This guy canít even commit to his kids! He essentially met you despite them and dragged them along.
    No responsible parent would ever prioritise a date or sex over their kids.
    In future if you date a single parent that wants to introduce you to their kids before at least 6 months of dating, realise that they are not genuine.

    Unfortunately his kids are going to be introduced to several women and will grow up thinking thatís normal and likely have dysfunctional relationships themselves , just like the one they have with their father right now.
    Itís sad for them.

    But out of your hands.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BeenBurned
    So Iíve decided I agree this is all wayyy out of my comfort zone and way too fast. I usually move way slower and felt pretty uncomfortable with how fast it was going. Him doing a 180 just as fast caught me off guard as well. Iím too old to play games and it feels like thatís what heís doing. I now havnít heard from him at all since I posted this and even if he does call or try to get back in touch with me Iím done. I have a pretty dangerous job and we had a horrible storm tonight, he couldnít even bother to tell me to be safe like he normally does. I deserve better and deff not something moving so fast.
    Iím not getting why you think itís ok to just not take any kind of ownership here.

    Youíll do this again because you donít seem to recognize your actions here.

    You were uncomfortable with how fast he was going but said nothing....

    And letís be real you didnít express that discomfort in your original post, you seemed to not see anything at all wrong with it until t was pointed out to you, then suddenly you were against it the whole time.


    Originally Posted by BeenBurned
    So this is my first post and I need help! My bf and I have only been dating for about a month. Im 28 with no kids, heís 31 with primary custody of two younger children. Things had been great, met the kids, and over this last weekend he told me he seeís this turning into a long term serious
    Originally Posted by BeenBurned

    What makes it more confusing is his good morning text was really sweet. This is all less than a week after he told me heís fallen really hard for me and seeís a future. What gives?? I know it may all sound silly but Iíve been hurt alot before and itís so early in our relationship the insecurity is still there. Just seems like heís done a 180.
    I agree you are to old to play these games

    But, to me, until you put on your big girl panties and stop letting men lead you ( which Iím sorry I donít buy, I think you were more than happy to go into this head first, please see examples) this is your dating life. Getting hurt will keep happening until you set healthy boundaries.

  10. #29
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    I agree with fio, also want to say that given how quickly things were moving, him needing to take a step back is understandable.

    But anything longer than 2 days, he should have communicated that to you.

    Him just disappearing for days is pretty crappy.

    I would feel same as you OP.

    But consider fio's post too, she makes good points.

  11. #30
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    Update. Completely done, he tried to apologize and I stood my ground. Iím going to take some time for myself because this was so out of the norm for me and I acted in a way that I usually donít. I have been going through alot of changes recently and I have just gotten out of a 4 yr relationship a few months ago. I donít know if Iím not actually ready to date or what but I think I need to take a break and reevaluate myself. I was honest when I said I donít usually rush so Iím not sure why I was going along with it this time. Either way Iím done with him and going to focus on me and figure out whats going on. Thanks for the help.

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