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Thread: Dating single dad, why is he pulling away??

  1. #11
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    I can't believe he has already introduced you to the kids. Way too early.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    If he introduced you to the kids that soon I have to imagine it's a habit for him.

    Those who come on way too strong right away often disappear just as quickly because it's not real.
    Spot on!!!!!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Nobody has a crystal ball to see if this will work or not. You have to take a wait and see, day by day attitude. And actions speak louder than words. Don't make any more effort than he does, and if he doesn't make enough effort in your opinion, given a reasonable time, you move on. The first 3 or 4 months are the honeymoon period and nowhere near reality. The person starts showing his real self after all the crazy hormones of a new relationship wears off, which is why you never make major decisions until knowing someone at least a year.

    Of course things can fizzle at any time. You never know what goes on in another's head. You just survey the situation and decide if you should stay or walk away, and having a healthy self esteem will help you make the right choice.

  4. #14
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    It's not uncommon for a man, after he takes a step closer (as he did when he said he was falling hard for you and sees a future) to immediately take two steps back. -- John Gray

    This has happened with virtually every serious bf I've had. Including my current.

    Do not freak out! Let him be. Pull back yourself, just do your thing. Be happy when he contacts you, do not make an issue over it.

    If you can do that, he will be back to his old self soon enough.

    He's just nervous, he's starting to get serious and he's freaking out a bit. That's all, no big deal, learn to understand it.

    Things have been moving really fast!

    When he's back to his old self, dial it back. Slow down.

    I know others may disagree but like I said, it's happened to me in nearly every long term relationship I've had.

    Read John Gray!!

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I know this all sounds silly, but Iíve been hurt a lot before.
    Doesnít sound silly at all, in fact as head first as you appear to be when it comes to relationship ,
    I canít say Iím surprised youíve been hurt a lot.

    Unfortunately youíre choosing to date with high risk, it is your prerogative. Iím not going to give you rules or whatever, do I think 4 weeks is a bit too soon to be meeting children yes, but how two people choose to run their relationship is their business, BUT with that being said you donít get to pretend this is something that it isnít. This is not a years long connection, itís a 4 week relationship, again so be it, youíre choosing to attach serious emotions to a 4 week situation, YOUR CHOICE, no judgement, you have to own it though the good and the bad which includes a shaky foundation.

    Will it all work out, probably, but recognize the choice you are making, own them, you could date in a more cautious way, you could take your time youíre choosing not to so you have to accept the risks you choose to make.

  7. #16
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    Far too much, far too soon.

    Rushing into a relationship is almost never a good sign and it creates unrealistic expectations too early on. You two barely even know each other as a couple, OP.

    A man who is a solid relationship candidate generally doesn't make decisions that include introducing his brand-spanking-new girlfriend to his children. That says a lot more than you appear to realize yet.

  8. #17
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    You have been ďdatingĒ him for 30 days, havenít seen him for what the past 4 or 5 days of those 30?
    So within 3 weeks he introduces you to his kids?
    Do you think thatís good parenting skills on his part?
    Someone said relax he might be busy with his kids , however he clearly doesnít let his kids get in the way of his dating and mingles the two , so that excuse can be brushed aside.

    His kids should be his first priority, but then he introduces them to someone he barely knows and then proceeds to tell that person he barely knows (you) that he has fallen hard.

    Do you actually know if he has primary custody of his kids ?
    Or is that what he says to gain womenís attention?

    All sounds a bit dubious to me.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long ago did he split from his partner/their mother. It sounds like he's on the rebound. This is way too much too soon. A classic mistake made by people who want to prove to themselves they have "moved on".

    Are you exclusive? Keep in mind 4 weeks in, many people are still meeting/dating others. You need to pull way back and pace yourself. "Sees this turning to long term" is not the exclusive discussion and sounds like a line to get you into bed.
    Originally Posted by BeenBurned
    dating for about a month.
    he seeís this turning into a long term serious thing.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by BeenBurned
    Rose Mosse Heís been divorced for over three years and hasnít dated much.
    I agree with Rose - if he's pulling away a little, go with that. Mirror his behavior. I'm not saying run away or ignore him, just thin out the communication a bit, let him think about it.

    If he asks you why, tell him you sensed he needed some time with the kids, and not to rush things or push him, and whatever else you want to say to him about going forward in accordance with your needs.

    It never ceases to not surprise anyone that a bit of open communication tends to negate a lot of perceived crises.

    And, if it is that he is not interested anymore, better that you sort that out now and move on.
    Last edited by RayRay63; 04-18-2019 at 06:55 AM. Reason: dyslexia

  11. #20
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    I'm also going to say that 4 weeks is too soon, whether it's meeting his kids or professing long-term ideas...it just seems too much, too soon, and as stated, those that tend to start of hot, tend to cool down just as fast. My only thought is to just coast for awhile. It's going to be a few more months before the relationship gets "real" and the honeymoon phase wears off. If you are both in the same place after three months, go another three months. I would stay away from grandiose ideas of marriage. You decide whether this relationship works for you. If he goes silent often, if he's too busy, etc., you get to choose whether this is going to work for you and for how long you'll stick around waiting for it to get better. Communication, of course, should not be brushed aside. You do have to talk about what each other wants and needs. I would want to avoid too many "family dates" at first, as it is too soon for the kids to be around and attach to you.

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