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Thread: Moving too fast?

  1. #1

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    Moving too fast?

    I'm f(19) my bf is (20)
    I don't know what I want to do with my life. I love art, painting and drawing. I also really love music and fashion and would love to have my own business.
    But, I'm young and obviously school should be the way to go.
    I've been with my bf for 3 months now and we've known each other for 8. I love him and his family. But, I feel like they don't exactly feel the same way about me. His father just thinks we like each other and always mentions "No babies" but I really don't want a kid anytime soon. I had a miscarriage last year (from an ex not my current bf) and that was heart breaking. I promised that if I brought a kid into the world I'll be ready for it, mentally, physically, and financially.

    My bf wants me to move in with him (and his family)
    I'm currently living with my grandparents, and I'm saving for my own car. I love my bf so so much. But, I don't know if I want to move in with him. I want to feel independent, I'm hopefully going to have my car soon, and well I'd want to move out after a while. But not with my bf. My own place, but with roommates or idk. I just want to have my own space and my own "something" or am I just being silly? It would be easier to live with my bf, but that's just a big step that I feel like I'm not ready to take. Am I running away? I'm going to be 20 this year and I just feel like I want to be on my own but with my bf. I don't know, I just need advice lol.

  2. #2
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    It is way too soon. Also, you should move into your own apartment when ready, not into his parents house- you should date at least a year and be financially responsible.

    You should be focusing on school and your future, not on someone you have been dating for a minute. Seek a career counselor at a college.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Why does your bf want you to move in with him and his family? He's 20. May I ask what he's up to/his career/future plans?

    The idea is a bit premature. You should be thinking of your future and your own stability. Deciding not to move in with a significant other is not running away. Learn your own reasons for not moving in with him and be still for a moment. Work things out in your head on your own and find out what matters most to you.

    Who gave you the idea that not moving in with him means running away?

  4. #4

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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    It is way too soon. Also, you should move into your own apartment when ready, not into his parents house- you should date at least a year and be financially responsible.

    You should be focusing on school and your future, not on someone you have been dating for a minute. Seek a career counselor at a college.
    You not only just made me feel so much better. But, guided me to someone I can talk to in terms of a job/career. Like I feel I can get my footing for what I'm going to do in life. It's not as scary basically. Thank you!!

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Why does your bf want you to move in with him and his family? He's 20. May I ask what he's up to/his career/future plans?

    The idea is a bit premature. You should be thinking of your future and your own stability. Deciding not to move in with a significant other is not running away. Learn your own reasons for not moving in with him and be still for a moment. Work things out in your head on your own and find out what matters most to you.

    Who gave you the idea that not moving in with him means running away?
    Well he's planning on going go mechanic school soon, and wants to start a career there. Cause he loves cars, and wants to have his own shop.

    Me running away, well, I just don't want him to think I'm not at as committed as he is. But it is just too soon. I don't even know what I want yet. I do know I love him and can see a future with him.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Emikawa
    You not only just made me feel so much better. But, guided me to someone I can talk to in terms of a job/career. Like I feel I can get my footing for what I'm going to do in life. It's not as scary basically. Thank you!!
    Focus on you. You have plenty of time to consider living together.
    Good luck!!!

  8. #7
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Emikawa
    Well he's planning on going go mechanic school soon, and wants to start a career there. Cause he loves cars, and wants to have his own shop.

    Me running away, well, I just don't want him to think I'm not at as committed as he is. But it is just too soon. I don't even know what I want yet. I do know I love him and can see a future with him.
    If he's the right guy for you, he will want to move at a pace you feel comfortable with. You guys are so young and are still figuring out your identities! Your intuition that now is not the time to take on major relationship commitments is 100% spot on. Plus, the relationship is still in its early stages, so even if you were older and knew exactly what you wanted to do, I'd still advise you to wait longer.

    Seems like you have a good head on your shoulders. Just communicate openly, honestly, and kindly. Not moving in does not mean that your relationship can't deepen and progress over time.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Good for him for having a plan. Time now to work things out with you and take your time doing that. Career counsellors at a college are a good start but do your own research online and compare various programs online. If you focus on only one college, you'll be biased and have only the perspective of one opportunity. Most universities will attempt to sell their programs to you so be aware of the marketing. Most universities and colleges will have their programs available on their websites and will have information such time required (full time or part time programs/courses), cost of tuition or hybrid programs you can inquire about. There should also be free information sessions on particular programs so it's a good idea to attend these after you've streamlined a couple of choices you think works best for you. You'll see the information sessions posted (time and date) on the university websites. This is your opportunity to meet some faculty members or program advisors in that faculty and ask more questions about tuition costs, student aid, full time vs part time variations etc. You may also wonder about internships or coop opportunities (mandatory work experience) during your program. Pick something that works for you. Other programs are joint with other faculties and you may work out something where you have a double major or concurrent degrees (two separate degrees, not a double major) if you feel you want to kill two birds with one stone. Nothing is impossible.

    Don't be afraid to ask questions and start digging around. I think you owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance at something bigger. Good luck.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Emikawa
    Well he's planning on going go mechanic school soon, and wants to start a career there. Cause he loves cars, and wants to have his own shop.

    Me running away, well, I just don't want him to think I'm not at as committed as he is. But it is just too soon. I don't even know what I want yet. I do know I love him and can see a future with him.
    Your boyfriend is not that committed. Sorry.
    You moving into his parents house is convenience not commitment.
    Even moving into a rental together at this point would be convenience not commitment.

    Absolutely do not give up your living arrangement for the sake of these being “easy” (convenient)
    You are still in the honeymoon phase and there should be no discussion of moving in together until well out of that phase. A year minimum.

    Also if you decide to study , where you live should be based on where you get accepted to study. Rather than limiting choices by where you live.

    And please be careful with birth control and protection against sti’s.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That is a huge red flag after dating only 12 weeks. Run! Focus on reliable birth control, your education, your career, your independence and your future. Learn now that pressuring for extremely early "commitments" , moving in, pregnancy,, marriage, etc. is a warning sign. Also watch out for guys like this who want to strap you down into an oppressive environment such as living with his parents, not working or going to school more and otherwise want to isolate you, destroy your independence or keep tabs on you 24/7..
    Originally Posted by Emikawa
    I've been with my bf for 3 months. My bf wants me to move in with him (and his family)

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