Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 74

Thread: My boyfriend wonít show me any affection

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Posts
    11

    My boyfriend wonít show me any affection

    So this may sound really dramatic but Iím feeling so hurt and have been for a long time and majority of the time Iíve no idea if Iím over reacting. My partner and I have been together for 2 yrs. we barely kiss, he sighs when I ask for a hug, he doesnít want to give me any affection. I sometimes lean in for a kiss and he turns his head away. I try to initiate sex which usually starts with us kissing and I touch him and slowly turn his head yet majority of the time he refuses to turn and moves my hand away. He wonít hold my hand in the street, he wonít hug me in public, just worst of all he wonít show me any affection in our own home and I have to ask for a hug if I want one. I feel like Iím going crazy and when I talk about it itís like itís my fault and I shouldnít be so needy.
    Thanks in advance for any advice.

  2. #2
    Member IamPoetic's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    New York City
    Posts
    12
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Leannejr
    So this may sound really dramatic but Iím feeling so hurt and have been for a long time and majority of the time Iíve no idea if Iím over reacting. My partner and I have been together for 2 yrs. we barely kiss, he sighs when I ask for a hug, he doesnít want to give me any affection. I sometimes lean in for a kiss and he turns his head away. I try to initiate sex which usually starts with us kissing and I touch him and slowly turn his head yet majority of the time he refuses to turn and moves my hand away. He wonít hold my hand in the street, he wonít hug me in public, just worst of all he wonít show me any affection in our own home and I have to ask for a hug if I want one. I feel like Iím going crazy and when I talk about it itís like itís my fault and I shouldnít be so needy.
    Thanks in advance for any advice.
    Not a lot to really advise here. Obviously, you know what it is you want and your boyfriend doesn't appear to be the one for you.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    British Columbia, Canada
    Posts
    905
    Gender
    Female
    There's something severely imbalanced in your relationship. This is not normal even for conservative individuals or not-so-sexually overdriven couples. You are not overreacting.

    I'm feeling a lot of disrespect and resentment (he doesn't have any respect for you) between the both of you. A partner that devalues your needs or blames you for abnormalities in the relationship (exclusively your fault) tells me about a lot of resentment. I think you should go back through your relationship and try and understand where the both of you went wrong. When trust is broken and respect is lost, intimacy is difficult and unnatural. Go back and review. This relationship won't be salvageable without taking a long hard look at what got both of you here.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,387
    You aren't overreacting. Something is wrong when your partner consistently freezes out attempts at intimacy or affection.

    How long has this been happening?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Age
    47
    Posts
    3,078
    Gender
    Male
    Was there something that caused him to begin acting like this, or has he always been like this? And, what is it that keeps you coming back for more from someone that can't seemed to be bothered with you?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,765
    Gender
    Female
    Was he always like this? Was it the same in the beginning of the relationship?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    32,409
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Start reading up on emotional abuse. Withholding affection and constant rejection is all part of it. If you think long and hard and carefully you will see other signs of that. Stop sleeping with him. Stop offering him any affection, conversation or company.

    Make an appt with a therapist for yourself. Discuss what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like. Do not try to fix or change him or squeeze blood out of a stone. In fact, dump him. Move out asap.
    Originally Posted by Leannejr
    My partner and I have been together for 2 yrs. we barely kiss, he sighs when I ask for a hug, he doesnít want to give me any affection. I sometimes lean in for a kiss and he turns his head away.

  9. #8
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Posts
    297
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Start reading up on emotional abuse. Withholding affection and constant rejection is all part of it. If you think long and hard and carefully you will see other signs of that. Stop sleeping with him. Stop offering him any affection, conversation or company.

    Make an appt with a therapist for yourself. Discuss what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like. Do not try to fix or change him or squeeze blood out of a stone. In fact, dump him. Move out asap.

    Now hold on a moment, Wiseman. Before you start at hinting at "emotional abuse". We don't know the full facts yet. This man reminds me of me when I was younger. I just was very shy and I couldn't hug or kiss in public and this by all means was not abuse as you call it.

    My girlfriend however was more open and she decided to sit me down and have a talk with me. Things changed for the better because I opened up and knew what she wanted. It all stemmed from what other people though of me but I then learned why should I worry because most people don't mind some form of display of affection.

    Wiseman is WRONG if you stop affection or conversation. You need CONVERSATION with him first to find out why hes like this. Has he got fear of public displays of affection? Were his parents loving and showed displays of affection? Has he fallen out of love with you?

    He wont know how unhappy you are if you don't talk or converse with him first.

    If he wont change then consider if he is the right person for you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,765
    Gender
    Female
    But if after conversation nothing is sort out then I don't think this relationship is doable because they're not compatible in terms of affection and how they behave in a relationship and that's very important.

  11. #10
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    976
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Zippy2000
    Now hold on a moment, Wiseman. Before you start at hinting at "emotional abuse". We don't know the full facts yet. This man reminds me of me when I was younger. I just was very shy and I couldn't hug or kiss in public and this by all means was not abuse as you call it.

    My girlfriend however was more open and she decided to sit me down and have a talk with me. Things changed for the better because I opened up and knew what she wanted. It all stemmed from what other people though of me but I then learned why should I worry because most people don't mind some form of display of affection.

    Wiseman is WRONG if you stop affection or conversation. You need CONVERSATION with him first to find out why hes like this. Has he got fear of public displays of affection? Were his parents loving and showed displays of affection? Has he fallen out of love with you?

    He wont know how unhappy you are if you don't talk or converse with him first.

    If he wont change then consider if he is the right person for you.
    I understand why this subject hits home for you, Zippy, but based on the original post, the problem seems farther reaching then being uncomfortable with public displays of affection. I also think it's important to note that it is not a partner's job to play psychotherapist to figure out why sex and physical affection are off the table.

    Leannjr, if you want to make the effort to have a conversation with your boyfriend one last time before ending the relationship, go right ahead, but after 2 years of the same behavior I doubt it will be very productive. The main issue here is you not realizing that you and him are incompatible and that the relationship needs to end. Ask yourself why you are clinging to an unfulfilling involvement instead of searching for a person that shares your preferences and values! There is clearly a better fit out there for you.

Page 1 of 8 1234 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •