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Thread: Previous Marriage of My Man and the Thorn in My Side Because of It!

  1. #11
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    You're way too concerned about his financial assets for a relationship of less than a year. Pot calling the kettle black, I suspect. I presume your boyfriend is a grown man who can handle his own financial situation. The two of you can make adjustments together if you actually marry in the future.

  2. #12
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    Its not weird for him to have adopted the boys - it solidified their legal right to be in the US and if they had a biological father that was noncustodial who has not been present - he may have thought it was best for the kids as well. many people adopt their stepchildren and the other parent has not died, etc.

    Unless the bigamy is reported/know by authorities, she is still his legal wife. If her prior marriage was in the US, it would not be a problem - their marriage would be declared null. But since it was in an Asian country it was harder to track down because if it were, the marriage would not have been permitted. so, you can't really marry this man because he has not filed for divorce?

    Honestly, its not the wife that is the issue, its your boyfriend. He valued his money over being free to marry.

    To marry you, he would have to divorce her or report her bigamy to dissolve the marriage and/or apply for annulment on grounds of bigamy. There is no third option.

    If he married you (if he CAN marry you) and the situation is what it is, i don't see him being legally able for awhile unless she now legally qualifies to be there unmarried to him and that might be questionable. I

  3. #13
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SouthernLady
    For the record, I am not looking to collect his money for myself. But, I'll be damned if I'll sit back and allow that Bigamist criminal illegal and her son to succeed in their quest to #1 come to America illegally and work schemes against our citizens, and #2 work additional havoc over my life too. What's the advice and feedback from you folks on this matter?
    Seems your reasons are not personal but political and it doesn't sound like you've voiced your concerns to your boyfriend. Have you told him what you think? If you find his approach to his personal matters a bit lackadaisical or inappropriate, you are free to tell him that exactly and work it out together. Let him respond to you and communicate your concerns together.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You are way too obsessed with his ex. His assets, will, estate etc are none of your business. You are not engaged/married. He will most likely require a prenuptial and will most likely set up his estate, trusts, will, etc so you get the minimum allowed for the amount of time you are married. It would be best to worry about your own finances and will, not his.

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  6. #15
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    Iím sorry Iím advance for being blunt.

    I think youíve been fed a story (fueled by hurt feelings and a touch of racism) and as a result you are seeing things through poop-colored glasses.

    If someone wants to execute a sham marriage, this takes 2-3 years tops. At that point, she would have been a legal citizen and was free to find employment, find a replacement man, etc. You donít stay with someone for TEN years - a DECADE of your life - for a scam. You just donít. Ten years is an incredibly long time - and frankly - even hostages in hostage situations fall in love with their captors in less time.

    Similarly for the children. If they came to the country as children and lived with him through their formative years, they love him. If he continues to have a relationship with them even though they are adults and are free to simply walk away, they love him. If youíve even met them at this point, itís because they love him. What you are detecting is probably not a lack of love - but a lack of respect for basically screwing over their mom.

    ... and make no mistake, thatís what he did...

    To be clear, she obviously should have divorced before remarrying. And she could very well have tried to take him for more than her fair share. This is not uncommon in divorce, unfortunately. But when he found this thing to dangle over her head as a threat - he did not use it to negotiate a fair settlement. He used it to take the whole pie for HIMself! After a decade of building a life with someone, she is entitled to something. The problem is - most divorce courts will not allow one person (either one!) to walk away with nothing.

    So - I think your vitriol is misplaced. Itís directed at her (by his design, no doubt). Instead of focusing on how to stick it to her (which is what he wants you to focus on) - you should focus on the REAL problem which is that he is not free to re-marry. And he wonít be free to re-marry until he divorces (which means heíll have to give her something which he doesnít want to do) or reports the bigamy (which he also does not want to do because his kids will FOR SURE hate him if he gets their mom deported - and he clearly loves them if they are still around and heís made them executor of his will).

    Btw - since sheís still his legal wife, she is of course legally entitled to stuff if he passes away, regardless of what the will says.

    You should also take it as a MASSIVE red flag that it was more important to him to keep everything rather than negotiating something fair and making a clean break. Always pay attention to how people treat others. Itís an indicator of how they would be prepared to treat YOU if things go sour.

    In all honesty, I think you should simply walk away from this relationship. Itís a legal quagmire just waiting to happen.

    You are not even a year in. Find someone who doesnít have all these complications and who is actually available to marry you if marriage is what you are looking for. This guy is not it.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent point. This could well be the best and craziest "we're not exactly divorced" story yet.
    Originally Posted by RedDress
    So - I think your vitriol is misplaced. Itís directed at her (by his design, no doubt). since sheís still his legal wife

  8. #17
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    I'm going a bit off the beaten path, but the fact that she 18 years his junior thing concerns me.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    As in sugar daddy? 😱
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I'm going a bit off the beaten path, but the fact that she 18 years his junior thing concerns me.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You can make your acceptance of his proposal contingent on him changing his will. If thereís a problem with that, then donít accept the proposal. Itís not complex.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    Iím sorry Iím advance for being blunt.

    I think youíve been fed a story (fueled by hurt feelings and a touch of racism) and as a result you are seeing things through poop-colored glasses.

    If someone wants to execute a sham marriage, this takes 2-3 years tops. At that point, she would have been a legal citizen and was free to find employment, find a replacement man, etc. You donít stay with someone for TEN years - a DECADE of your life - for a scam. You just donít. Ten years is an incredibly long time - and frankly - even hostages in hostage situations fall in love with their captors in less time.

    Similarly for the children. If they came to the country as children and lived with him through their formative years, they love him. If he continues to have a relationship with them even though they are adults and are free to simply walk away, they love him. If youíve even met them at this point, itís because they love him. What you are detecting is probably not a lack of love - but a lack of respect for basically screwing over their mom.

    ... and make no mistake, thatís what he did...

    To be clear, she obviously should have divorced before remarrying. And she could very well have tried to take him for more than her fair share. This is not uncommon in divorce, unfortunately. But when he found this thing to dangle over her head as a threat - he did not use it to negotiate a fair settlement. He used it to take the whole pie for HIMself! After a decade of building a life with someone, she is entitled to something. The problem is - most divorce courts will not allow one person (either one!) to walk away with nothing.

    So - I think your vitriol is misplaced. Itís directed at her (by his design, no doubt). Instead of focusing on how to stick it to her (which is what he wants you to focus on) - you should focus on the REAL problem which is that he is not free to re-marry. And he wonít be free to re-marry until he divorces (which means heíll have to give her something which he doesnít want to do) or reports the bigamy (which he also does not want to do because his kids will FOR SURE hate him if he gets their mom deported - and he clearly loves them if they are still around and heís made them executor of his will).

    Btw - since sheís still his legal wife, she is of course legally entitled to stuff if he passes away, regardless of what the will says.

    You should also take it as a MASSIVE red flag that it was more important to him to keep everything rather than negotiating something fair and making a clean break. Always pay attention to how people treat others. Itís an indicator of how they would be prepared to treat YOU if things go sour.

    In all honesty, I think you should simply walk away from this relationship. Itís a legal quagmire just waiting to happen.

    You are not even a year in. Find someone who doesnít have all these complications and who is actually available to marry you if marriage is what you are looking for. This guy is not it.
    This this this this.

    And another big thing after all the obvious lies heís telling, how do you even know what his true finances are? After less than a year?

    Ever heard of dirty John?

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