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Thread: I donít want a bachelor party

  1. #1
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    I donít want a bachelor party

    Iím getting married in a few months. I donít want a bachelor party. My fiancťe wants me to have one. I have no interest in one. First I donít want strippers. My fiancťe says she is cool with it. Iím not. She said she has told my best man that I donít want them, but she said there is a possibility they could get one anyways. She knows Iím the person who would just leave if one shows up, but told me not to leave.

    My best man and most of my friends live out of state. I donít want to travel back home for a bachelor party. I donít want to drag her brother out there with me either. He wants to go. I honestly would rather save the money.

    My fiancťe has a birthday coming up and I want to take her out of state (a different state) for a concert. It would cost some money that we are trying to save up for our wedding and honeymoon.

    I really donít know how to say to my best man I donít want one, or tell my fiancťe. I have already told her that I donít want one at all, but She basically told me I need to have one. I think they are buying the plane tickets soon, but I donít want to go.

    I donít want to disappoint my friends and fiancťe but I just donít want to. Itís my choice right?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Of course it's your choice, why are you letting them tell you what to do?

    If they care about you, then they will respect your wishes. Perhaps they aren't taking you seriously about not wanting bachelor party, in which case, you need to tell them in a more forceful manner that you meant it.

    Many men get married without a bachelor party, it's not a requirement and there are many, like you, who aren't into them.

    Talk to them again, tell them it's a no go.

  3. #3
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    So, your fiancee wants you to have one? Number one, its your choice, but number two, if my fiance had encouraged me to have a stripper, i would wonder what he himself was trying to cover up or get permission for. The other possibility is that you could initiate your own get together with your 2 best friends to go out and play darts and commisserate, go to a baseball game or whatever it is you like to do that is laid back and casual before the wedding, but that does not have to happen the night before or even the week leading up to it.

  4. #4
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    Tell them you donít want one and if they want one in your absence let them.
    Thatís what a friend of mine did. He didnít show up , the guys had a great time anyway.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Is it that you don't want a bachelor party or is it that you don't want a "traditional" bachelor party?

    There's no rule that a bachelor party has to mean blacking out a strip club, which has always seemed to me the oddest way to celebrate getting married. Want to go to strip clubs? Don't get married or marry someone who's so into strip clubs that there's no point making it a thing.

    Anyhow, just saying maybe there's a way to make this "your" bachelor party, rather than succumbing to some nonsensical cultural ideal of what one is supposed to look like.

    And, of course, if you're just not into it at allóno biggie. This is your life, your wedding, something you're doing for you. End scene. Do what you want, what feels right.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    This isn't about the party or your autonomy. This is about budgets.

    Money seems to be at the root of it as you've cited it more than once in your first post. If you're on different wavelengths regarding the budget for your wedding vs other upcoming events, speak with your fiancee about it if you feel it's warranted. Otherwise, I'd be careful if I were you if you're not able to communicate with each other effectively on financial matters. Party or not, she already seems very adamant about those plans and it seems also to me like you've had a change of heart somewhere along the way and are now feeling the pinch(monetarily).

    You might have to rethink the concert plans and her birthday surprise for the sake of your wedding as your priorities and hers are not lining up. Do something less extravagant for her birthday. She may not even want to go to the concert or doesn't consider it as important as spending time with her family in all the wedding festivities.

  8. #7
    Bronze Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    This is a big problem if your fiancee insists upon your having a bachelor party against your will and she would be cool if there were strippers? Are you sure you wish to marry your fiancee if she behaves like this? It's not just about money, it's about principle of the matter and respecting your wishes. Rethink more than the bachelor party, wedding and honeymoon. What you really need to RETHINK is whom you are marrying, what type of character she is and not caring what you think or what your preferences are. Apparently, your wishes do NOT matter to her which is incredibly alarming to say the least.

    Put your foot down. Be adamant. If you won't, you're setting yourself up for disaster for the long term. Everyone will think you are a doormat if you act like one.

    Tell your fiancee that what you say is final which is a big fat NO, tell your best man exactly what you wrote in your post about not wanting strippers, you don't want to travel back home out of state for the bachelor party nor do you want to drag your finacee's brother out there either. The perk would be to save money of course, the bottom line is for others to RESPECT AND HONOR YOUR WISHES.

    Don't please others at your expense. Your choice is right. Don't think you'll "disappoint" your friends and fiancee because at the end of the day, it is YOU who will be disappointed for a long, long time if you were to go through with the bachelor party and marry your fiancee who is full of red flags all over the place. Beware.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    In this country I live in, there's no tradition of going to strip clubs. The regular bachelor party is guy friends being together for some drinks and activities that range from paintball, boat rides, camping or whatever they want to do. Maybe you don't want a strip club bachelor party but you might want something like a get together with some guy friends that doesn't involve strippers or anything like that.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ask her to get out of bridezilla mode and to stop micromanaging everything. Ask her to focus on the bride's end of things and to stop trying to control the groom's end of things. You need to speak up if you are going to marry this woman. Learn that right now before you say "I do". You could compromise and just have a gathering of your choice, such as a dinner out or a game or whatever. Why waste money on crap to make everything resemble a reality tv show. Be creative and individual. Stop letting her run everything in your life right now.
    Originally Posted by turnerik
    I donít want a bachelor party. I really donít know how to say to my best man I donít want one, or tell my fiancťe. I have already told her that I donít want one at all, but She basically told me I need to have one. I

  11. #10
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    She sounds ridiculous and I've heard about "pressure" like this and experienced it sort of once -the first time (yes there was more than one engagement) I was engaged to my husband they planned a weekend away and his friend told me they planned on a stripper. It wasn't my future husband's thing, he didn't want one(yes he'd been to strip clubs for bachelor parties a few times in his life), and it was ridiculous that his friend was pressuring him. We broke up before the party so who knows.

    When we actually got married his "bachelor" night was a fancy steak dinner with his friends if I remember correctly -it was also right around his bday so it was a combined celebration. No getting drunk -just a fun night out. My friends offered me a bridal shower/bachelorette party or dinner out with the two friends who offered. I chose the latter. We went to a fancy restaurant and had a great time!
    My point is -there's no "musts" - you're the person they're celebrating so choose how you want that to happen and choosing to have no such celebration is perfectly fine too!!

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