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Thread: We click really well and he seems flirty but has a girlfriend

  1. #1

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    We click really well and he seems flirty but has a girlfriend

    Hello everyone!

    First off, I want to thank anyone who will take the time to read this... I am really confused about this, and I am looking forward to what you might have to say about it!

    I started working with him in early Jan this year but since we are both nurses we work in shifts and we didnít start having shifts together until March. Actually, at first, I thought he wasnít really my type because he tends to complain a lot (but not necessarily in a bad way. Mostly with work stuff and how our career isnít given the proper value etc). I knew he had a girlfriend right from the start because the person I do most of my night shifts with has been his friend for a long time (he was actually her godfather at her wedding last year and his gf was a maid of honor), and I remember thinking ďdamn just my luck....Ē cause I have a tattoo on my wrist and he has been the only person so far who knows what it means so that was an instant plus for him! I was really surprised he knew!

    As we started doing more shifts together, we realized we have A LOT in common.... like A LOT! We have the same taste in almost everything, to the point he invited me to go to a concert with him in May (just the two of us) and I agreed cause I really like the band and he does too but had no one to go with. There was also a shift where he asked me if I liked sushi and I said yes and he said ďitís because I usually donít have anyone to go withĒ and I found it odd that he didnít mention his gf not liking it or something, cause when his friend arrived to work he then started talking about his gf with her cause she brought it up like ďoooh yeah your gf doesnít like sushiĒ. And I started feeling weird cause he never talks to me about her. EVER! And I even asked a friend of mine of worked there if Y (letís call my crush Y) had ever talked to him about his gf and he said yes. So why doesnít he talk to me about her? And he knows I know he has a gf... And mind you, my friend started working there after me and was only there for 2 months, so it wasnít like they had a close relationship or anything.

    Then he started messaging me randomly to talk about games he was playing and stuff like that. But I am never the one to message him first cause I donít want to send the wrong message that I am interested in him like that, so I reply if he sends a message and thatís it!

    Last sunday we had a farewell dinner of a coworker and I actually sent him a message the night before to ask if he was taking his car and he said yes and if I wanted a lift and I said me and my friend (the one who used to work there) would be grateful if he could give us a ride to the restaurant! He called me the next day during my shift saying he had a few things to do in the city and since he didnít want to go back home and then waste more fuel to pick us up he suggested heíd meet up with me after work so weíd kill some time before heading out to the dinner. He picked me up at 5 PM and we went to a shopping mall till like 7 PM until we picked my friend up. And since I had a night shift after dinner he also gave me a ride to work.

    In the meantime, I lost a patient at work (my first one ever since I started working) and he was the only one to message me asking if I was okay after knowing what had happened.... that was really thoughtful of him... and the day after I saw him at work and I was sitting next to him and he pulled my head onto his shoulder and kind of hugged me.

    So a few days ago we had a shift together again but this time it wasnít just the two of us. We have a new colleague so we kind of have to show her around and help her feel more used to the new routines, and I noticed he wasnít as close to me that day (and cause we also had a lot of work ahahah), but he would sometimes come to pet my head or my face. I wondered if it was cause there was someone else there...

    Then we were talking about the day of the concert and how we have to talk to our boss so he doesnít schedule us to work that day so we can go, and he said ďoh I already kind of gave him the idea that I couldnít really work that dayĒ and I asked if he also talked about me needing the day off and he said ďuhm no, cause he might think Iím hitting on you, and people here like to talk...Ē

    But this sunday... we had another shift together and it was just the 2 of us and I felt so overwhelmed because he was really touchy with me (nothing sexual) in a way that gave me a more than a friendship vibe... he was also caressing my hair a lot and suggested that weíd watch the 3 Lord of the Rings movies together one day (we both love the trilogy) and he suggested it at least 3 times in that shift... which is weird cause he lives with his mom and I dont have a house yet (just a room) and I cant really bring him here.... so I was like to myself ďuhm... where are we going to watch it??Ē And each movie is close to 3 hours long so... But he would hug me and even caress my thigh (again, didnít feel sexual, but also didnít feel that it was just as friends...)... and again he would only Be touchy when it was just us two or if there were only patients around... he was being very soft and loving honestly....

    Yesterday he called me from work about a work related thing but It felt more like an excuse because 2 seconds after he had decided he didnít need my help to solve it and then started asking if I had seen the new episode of Game of thrones and we ended up talking on the phone for over 20 minutes....

    I should also mention that each time his gf calls it feels like he is kind of distant... I donít know if itís cause I am there but itís like he is not very loving towards her... but maybe itís just how he is or maybe I am thinking way too much about this....

    All I know is that I donít want to be the side dish if thatís what heís after, cause I know what itís like to be a gf and I wouldnít want my bf to be all touchy and stuff like that with another girl. On the other hand, there is the possibility that maybe thatís just how he is once he gets to know someone? Maybe heís just being friendly and thatís his way if showing affection without having second intentions... my sister said she found it odd that he was going to a concert with just me but I donít think itís that odd? Itís just a concert after all... my brother thinks he is interested and that maybe his relationship is not that solid (they have been dating for over 4 years I think) anymore so he likes my company and he knows we click well.... some of my friends just told me to let things happen and not try anything with him. Just wait it out. Others told me to bring his gf up to see his reaction...

    Regardless, I just donít know what to think... I really really like him, and if he didnít have someone already I wouldnít even think twice, but.... I also donít want to keep my hopes up when maybe all he wants is a friendship... and I donít want a cheater. Cause if he cheats on her he will cheat on me, so that is a big no. If he ever tries to kiss me or anything I will immediately put a stop to it because that is just wrong. If he is no longer in love with his gf then he should be honest with her instead of doing that!

    Thank you all in advance and I hope I didnít make this too confusing...

  2. #2
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    He already is cheating on her. And you already are the side girl.

    Don't go any further with this. Not only will you end up hurt, but you may end up with a reputation at work.

  3. #3
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This is what we call an emotional affair. He's very much caught between you two. If you were smart you would distance yourself from him.
    Even tho it's not sexual...yet, doesn't mean he isn't cheating. He's treating this like the beginning stages of dating...he's emotionally cheating on her. If you knew your BF was doing this with another girl, how would you feel? Get your head out of the clouds the both of you.

  4. #4
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    He is ALREADY cheating on her. Emotional cheating is still cheating. You are enabling it.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    How he is treating his girlfriend now, is the treatment you will get if you move forward to where this thing of yours is going

  7. #6
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    He is ALREADY cheating on her. Emotional cheating is still cheating. You are enabling it.
    I agree....you are only encouraging this behavior. You are just as guilty.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Scoe141's Avatar
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    I only had to read your headline. I'd back off and find someone who's single. Unless all parties involved want to be in a polygamous relationship.

  9. #8

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    But maybe I am thinking too much about it and he is just being friendly? Like I said, I am not going after him. I donít want to be that person and I am already feeling like an awful person from reading the replies here... but thank you so much for your honesty

  10. #9

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    He already is cheating on her. And you already are the side girl.

    Don't go any further with this. Not only will you end up hurt, but you may end up with a reputation at work.
    I certainly donít want that to happen... so itís obvious that I canít condone this behaviour any longer... itís better to stop it now than to feed it and then hurting others :/ thank you for your reply!

  11. #10
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by BDWay
    But maybe I am thinking too much about it and he is just being friendly? Like I said, I am not going after him. I donít want to be that person and I am already feeling like an awful person from reading the replies here... but thank you so much for your honesty
    Then don't be that person and draw proper boundaries with this guy.. come on! He is caressing your hair and your thighs at work

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