I know it's over for now, but is it permanent?

Okay, so I am writing this today to see what my feedback will be. I'm not expecting to get back with this guy but it will be interesting to see outside perspectives on the matter. So here goes:

Me and a guy we will name Kevin were talking for months. We never met in the months we were talking but things were going well except for the fact that Kevin was under the assumption that I wasn't in to him. Anyway, randomly two weeks ago I decided to call him on a Friday to hang out and we did and it seemed like i was with him 24/7 from that moment on. He confessed he really liked me and we even had sex already...which I regret now but I can't change the past. Anyway, everyone was telling me i was making him happy and he was even telling me that i was. That essentially I was the reason he was happy anymore. He told me he was scared of losing me and he didn't want that to happen.

However, a couple nights ago he basically told me he needed a break from me because he had some personal going on and he needed to rethink if he really wanted a relationship. And this really hurt me badly because it's like why say and do everything you did if you were just gonna pull this. So I got drunk and I messaged his best friend for advice and I guess I threatened his ex, whom of which was partially the reason he basically was ditching me.

Fast forward to today. I've tried everything in my power to get him to talk to me and nothing has helped and to make matters worse, I'm possibly pregnant (we were completely safe about it) (I told him I'd need to go in for retesting in a few days because it was early and we'd go from there). And when I told him he really flipped his top. He told me I was lying, crazy, harassing him and his friends and his family, and that he was going to contact a lawyer for a restraining order. Also, that I ruined every and any chance of being friends.

I guess what I'm asking is, despite me blowing him up trying to get him to talk to me, I just don't understand how his feelings just disappeared. Because I'm angry too, what he said to me really hurt me off but at the end of the day I know I still like him....which sucks. Do you think he's gonna regret doing and saying all that and come back? And it's not that I want him to. I just wanna be possibly prepared for what I will say. And I know nobody can predict the future lol.

Well, I guess he was interested in sex, and then when you had sex he lost interest.

If you were 'completely safe about it,' how could you be pregnant?

Men tell a lot of lies to get a woman in bed. I hope you've learned that by now. He's NOT going to regret anything, except possibly meeting you. Stop contacting him, unless you want a restraining order filed against you.

Outside of you admitting you are trying to force him to talk to you after him asking for some space, you thought it ok to drunk dial his best friend and threaten his ex? I can't help but imagine what else happened and what this looks like in it's entire context.

In spite of all of this you think it's ok to bring up being pregnant even though you say were `completely safe about it' ? You must not know for certain because you are actively waiting for results. What prevented you from waiting until you knew for sure?

I guess what I'm asking is, despite me blowing him up trying to get him to talk to me, I just don't understand how his feelings just disappeared.

I can't blame him for feeling the way he does. Seriously. It seems a very bunny boiling like from where I sit.

It's highly unlikely he will return.

When someone tells you they need a break from you, and need to think if they really want a relationship means THEY ARE NOT INTO YOU...bottom like that's what it means. A man who is into you will let you know.

It doesn't matter why he did it, it's understandable that you want to know why... but you kind of blew it when you went all mental on him.

I'm sorry, don't mean to sound harsh but everything you did after he ended things sounds very unhealthy... I don't know how long you were together, but you have no right to call his friends and family, let alone threaten people in his life.

What you need to be worrying about right now is what will you do with that possible pregnancy, sounds like your priorities need checking

He told me I was lying, crazy, harassing him and his friends and his family, and that he was going to contact a lawyer for a restraining order.

there is no coming back from this and what's even more surprising is you aren't even aware of it

You were a rebound hookup.

Let me get this straight.

You met up with a guy you didn't really know—but felt you knew thanks to months of phone calls—and had a little thing that lasted how long? Two weeks? And when he honesty told you he needed space—shorthand, in dating-land, for this ain't working—you drunkenly message his friends, threaten an ex, and dangle the possibility of pregnancy over him without having any real idea if you're actually pregnant?

I'm sorry you're hurting, truly, but real talk? The response you're getting from him is the response of a sane adult. In his shoes I'd be battening down all the hatches, and would be looking into a restraining order as well.

Not what you want to hear, I know. But you are not behaving like a stable and rational adult. Adults have sex with each other all the time, sometimes before they really know each other, and sometimes one flakes. Sometimes adults spout a lot of florid nonsense to get laid, and sometimes they spout a lot florid nonsense that they 100 percent mean on Monday but no longer do come Wednesday.

It sucks. But it's not World War III. It's literally just adulthood, dating.

We try to make the best choices we can with whom we open up to and become intimate with, but it's always a trip to the casino. We take some losses along the way. When we get burned we step back and adjust our game, so we can keep playing, bettering our odds for the desired outcome.

We don't do what you did, which is throw molotov cocktails through the casino windows because you didn't get the jackpot.

If you're pregnant—well, that's all you should be focused on right now. Big decisions there. About you, your body, your future. And if you're not pregnant—well, I think your focus still needs to be on yourself, rather than on men, because there's some emotional wiring in there that needs to be untangled.

I'm not going to, I'm not completely stupid. I just made a series of horrible decisions.

I suggest you seek out a therapist first and foremost. This sort of behavior/harassment in not normal, especially if someone is seeking legal action against you. You need to find better ways to cope with situations and harassment is not one of them. If this is how you treat people, I'm quite dumbfounded that you would come to ask how to get him back. Like the other poster said...you are quite unaware/neglectful of the seriousness of your actions.

JMO but I would think telling a guy you had a one night stand with that you're possibly pregnant with his kid, is gonna freak him out!

I mean there are many wives who would not tell their husbands they were pregnant until they were sure!

Why would you tell a guy you had a one night stand with that you're possibly pregnant? To gain attention from him? Not accusing you, but it's highly likely that is what HE thought. A manipulation of sorts.

Hence why he lashed out at you. I am not excusing his harsh words, just trying to understand it.

Having a baby is serious business, I assume you told him you were on birth control? No wonder he's doubting you.

Just as an aside, there are so many threads about young single women getting pregnant and having babies, it's very disturbing to me.

Threads about "baby mamas" and all that, I really just don't get it. What happened to responsibility?

I realize accidents can happen and birth control can be faulty, but again this was a one night stand, the odds of getting pregnant after having sex once, WITH protection are very very low.

So I don't know. Just move on. Focus on your "possible" pregnancy, and be more careful about sex in the future.

I'm very aware of it. I just needed to get it all out. I know there is no going back. Because what i did was childish and I can't change my past actions. I just think it was a little extreme.

I don't blame him either honestly, and I highly doubt he will return as well at this point.

I just think it was a little extreme.

Which part, exactly, are you declaring a "little" extreme? Your own actions or his?

Genuine question.

Both. Seriously.

If you are already "mommyof2" you need to slow your roll. Stop sleeping with random guys and making more babies for the sake of the kids you have. you slept with this dude the first time you met him - he was also to blame for being 24/7 - do either of you have a job - guess not if you were always together. Maybe you should focus on your career, friends, etc so you are not clingy about dudes who are not interested in you in the first place

What do you mean, you threatened his ex? What did you say, exactly? I also don't understand how you might be pregnant if you two were careful. What is it that leads you to believe he might have conceived with you? Did the condom break, or?

Look, when a guy tells you he wants space and you respond by drunkenly quizzing his best friend and threatening the ex-girlfriend, you officially move into Crazy Chick Territory. Add to that the announcement you might be pregnant and, girl, many men are going to react the way he did.

You need to learn some impulse control and emotional regulation skills. You would also benefit from learning to pump the breaks and not take a guy too seriously he starts making big proclamations early on. It's easy to get swept up in the frilly words, but give yourself time in the future to see if there's any sincerity behind them.

This guy is not coming back, but there are plenty of lessons to be learned here if you are open to receiving them.

OP, according to your first post, you had sex with him two weeks ago. You used protection.

Can you please explain how it is you think you may be pregnant after only two weeks since having sex with him using protection?

And to actually tell him?

Did you miss your period or something? And even so, it's quite common to miss periods, so surely that can't be it.

What I think is that you were testing him. He was no longer giving you attention so you thought you'd manipulate him into giving you attention by telling him you think you may be pregnant.

Apparently it back fired, he saw right through it.

Lesson learned. Don't ever play games like that or test men to that degree, it's manipulative and cruel.

And if by chance, the condom breaks and you do think you're pregnant, give it some time (longer than two weeks) and don't tell the guy until after you have it confirmed by a doctor.

JMO.

OP, Not going to comment on the mistakes here. But I will try to attempt to answer your question which was why do people lose interest or why do people suddenly lose interest. Sadly the amount is reasons why is about as numerous as there are stars in the sky. I once lost interest because the girl because she said she peed in the shower.

Its not about the reason why because it just doesn't matter. I know you want to know why because you really want him to like you, or maybe it was a misunderstanding or you want to correct something you did but it really doesn't matter why he lost interest, he just did. And those are the times you just say "it didn't work out" and you move on.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you and you are not going to like them. It's just how life is. We meet people and sometimes they move on and there doesn't have to be a good reason, life happens that way.

What Im saying to you is that you should just let him go. Free yourself of the drama because you don't need it. If you are a mom of 2, then you have plenty of other issues to worry about. One day you will meet a great guy, this guy was not the one for you.

OP, Not going to comment on the mistakes here. But I will try to attempt to answer your question which was why do people lose interest or why do people suddenly lose interest. Sadly the amount is reasons why is about as numerous as there are stars in the sky. I once lost interest because the girl because she said she peed in the shower.

Its not about the reason why because it just doesn't matter. I know you want to know why because you really want him to like you, or maybe it was a misunderstanding or you want to correct something you did but it really doesn't matter why he lost interest, he just did. And those are the times you just say "it didn't work out" and you move on.

Not everyone you meet is going to like you and you are not going to like them. It's just how life is. We meet people and sometimes they move on and there doesn't have to be a good reason, life happens that way.

What Im saying to you is that you should just let him go. Free yourself of the drama because you don't need it. If you are a mom of 2, then you have plenty of other issues to worry about. One day you will meet a great guy, this guy was not the one for you.

Good post.

Are you kidding! I can't believe you would to have anything more to do with him.

Why do you think you are pregnant?

You have two kids and are behaving like this? Your actions are irresponsible and bizarre.

The guy only wanted you for sex. Make better choices, next time.

Sorry this happened. Stay away, it doesn't look good for any reconciliation. His feelings did not disappear, they were never there. He fed t you a lot of typical lines. Next time pace yourself. Meet asap and get to know someone for a while.

Don't get this lonely or desperate. Make your life full and happy and date slowly and carefully. A "possible pregnancy" will never keep a man around. Don't use that trick.

He told me I was lying, crazy, harassing him and his friends and his family, and that he was going to contact a lawyer for a restraining order.

Are you kidding! I can't believe you would to have anything more to do with him.

 

Why do you think you are pregnant?

 

You have two kids and are behaving like this? Your actions are irresponsible and bizarre.

 

The guy only wanted you for sex. Make better choices, next time.

You’re very opinionated holly. Try being a little more gentle with people who are clearly struggling