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Thread: I know it's over for now, but is it permanent?

  1. #1
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    I know it's over for now, but is it permanent?

    Okay, so I am writing this today to see what my feedback will be. I'm not expecting to get back with this guy but it will be interesting to see outside perspectives on the matter. So here goes:

    Me and a guy we will name Kevin were talking for months. We never met in the months we were talking but things were going well except for the fact that Kevin was under the assumption that I wasn't in to him. Anyway, randomly two weeks ago I decided to call him on a Friday to hang out and we did and it seemed like i was with him 24/7 from that moment on. He confessed he really liked me and we even had sex already...which I regret now but I can't change the past. Anyway, everyone was telling me i was making him happy and he was even telling me that i was. That essentially I was the reason he was happy anymore. He told me he was scared of losing me and he didn't want that to happen.

    However, a couple nights ago he basically told me he needed a break from me because he had some personal going on and he needed to rethink if he really wanted a relationship. And this really hurt me badly because it's like why say and do everything you did if you were just gonna pull this. So I got drunk and I messaged his best friend for advice and I guess I threatened his ex, whom of which was partially the reason he basically was ditching me.

    Fast forward to today. I've tried everything in my power to get him to talk to me and nothing has helped and to make matters worse, I'm possibly pregnant (we were completely safe about it) (I told him I'd need to go in for retesting in a few days because it was early and we'd go from there). And when I told him he really flipped his top. He told me I was lying, crazy, harassing him and his friends and his family, and that he was going to contact a lawyer for a restraining order. Also, that I ruined every and any chance of being friends.

    I guess what I'm asking is, despite me blowing him up trying to get him to talk to me, I just don't understand how his feelings just disappeared. Because I'm angry too, what he said to me really hurt me off but at the end of the day I know I still like him....which sucks. Do you think he's gonna regret doing and saying all that and come back? And it's not that I want him to. I just wanna be possibly prepared for what I will say. And I know nobody can predict the future lol.

  2. #2
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Well, I guess he was interested in sex, and then when you had sex he lost interest.

    If you were 'completely safe about it,' how could you be pregnant?

    Men tell a lot of lies to get a woman in bed. I hope you've learned that by now. He's NOT going to regret anything, except possibly meeting you. Stop contacting him, unless you want a restraining order filed against you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Outside of you admitting you are trying to force him to talk to you after him asking for some space, you thought it ok to drunk dial his best friend and threaten his ex? I can't help but imagine what else happened and what this looks like in it's entire context.

    In spite of all of this you think it's ok to bring up being pregnant even though you say were `completely safe about it' ? You must not know for certain because you are actively waiting for results. What prevented you from waiting until you knew for sure?

    I guess what I'm asking is, despite me blowing him up trying to get him to talk to me, I just don't understand how his feelings just disappeared.

    I can't blame him for feeling the way he does. Seriously. It seems a very bunny boiling like from where I sit.
    It's highly unlikely he will return.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member Afireblue's Avatar
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    When someone tells you they need a break from you, and need to think if they really want a relationship means THEY ARE NOT INTO YOU...bottom like that's what it means. A man who is into you will let you know.

    It doesn't matter why he did it, it's understandable that you want to know why... but you kind of blew it when you went all mental on him.

    I'm sorry, don't mean to sound harsh but everything you did after he ended things sounds very unhealthy... I don't know how long you were together, but you have no right to call his friends and family, let alone threaten people in his life.

    What you need to be worrying about right now is what will you do with that possible pregnancy, sounds like your priorities need checking

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He told me I was lying, crazy, harassing him and his friends and his family, and that he was going to contact a lawyer for a restraining order.

    there is no coming back from this and what's even more surprising is you aren't even aware of it

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    You were a rebound hookup.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Let me get this straight.

    You met up with a guy you didn't really know—but felt you knew thanks to months of phone calls—and had a little thing that lasted how long? Two weeks? And when he honesty told you he needed space—shorthand, in dating-land, for this ain't working—you drunkenly message his friends, threaten an ex, and dangle the possibility of pregnancy over him without having any real idea if you're actually pregnant?

    I'm sorry you're hurting, truly, but real talk? The response you're getting from him is the response of a sane adult. In his shoes I'd be battening down all the hatches, and would be looking into a restraining order as well.

    Not what you want to hear, I know. But you are not behaving like a stable and rational adult. Adults have sex with each other all the time, sometimes before they really know each other, and sometimes one flakes. Sometimes adults spout a lot of florid nonsense to get laid, and sometimes they spout a lot florid nonsense that they 100 percent mean on Monday but no longer do come Wednesday.

    It sucks. But it's not World War III. It's literally just adulthood, dating.

    We try to make the best choices we can with whom we open up to and become intimate with, but it's always a trip to the casino. We take some losses along the way. When we get burned we step back and adjust our game, so we can keep playing, bettering our odds for the desired outcome.

    We don't do what you did, which is throw molotov cocktails through the casino windows because you didn't get the jackpot.

    If you're pregnant—well, that's all you should be focused on right now. Big decisions there. About you, your body, your future. And if you're not pregnant—well, I think your focus still needs to be on yourself, rather than on men, because there's some emotional wiring in there that needs to be untangled.

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    I'm not going to, I'm not completely stupid. I just made a series of horrible decisions.

  10. #9
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I suggest you seek out a therapist first and foremost. This sort of behavior/harassment in not normal, especially if someone is seeking legal action against you. You need to find better ways to cope with situations and harassment is not one of them. If this is how you treat people, I'm quite dumbfounded that you would come to ask how to get him back. Like the other poster said...you are quite unaware/neglectful of the seriousness of your actions.

  11. #10
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    JMO but I would think telling a guy you had a one night stand with that you're possibly pregnant with his kid, is gonna freak him out!

    I mean there are many wives who would not tell their husbands they were pregnant until they were sure!

    Why would you tell a guy you had a one night stand with that you're possibly pregnant? To gain attention from him? Not accusing you, but it's highly likely that is what HE thought. A manipulation of sorts.

    Hence why he lashed out at you. I am not excusing his harsh words, just trying to understand it.

    Having a baby is serious business, I assume you told him you were on birth control? No wonder he's doubting you.

    Just as an aside, there are so many threads about young single women getting pregnant and having babies, it's very disturbing to me.

    Threads about "baby mamas" and all that, I really just don't get it. What happened to responsibility?

    I realize accidents can happen and birth control can be faulty, but again this was a one night stand, the odds of getting pregnant after having sex once, WITH protection are very very low.

    So I don't know. Just move on. Focus on your "possible" pregnancy, and be more careful about sex in the future.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-16-2019 at 03:46 PM.

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