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Thread: Getting back together after making a big mistake

  1. #1

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    Getting back together after making a big mistake

    I am 16 currently a sophomore in high school. As a high schooler I make a lot of dumb choices. A few weeks back me and my ex girlfriend had oral sex in the back of her car. I was crossed faded and I believe this lead me to film her without her permission. Ever since then I never felt so ty about myself. I want to everything in my power to get back with her because I’ve never been happier with someone.

    After that event happened she broke up with me. We continue to text daily and still have normal conversations. I have apologized everyday since (because I regret doing it). I feel like she still has feelings as she said “I’m confusing her feelings” when ever I try to call her. Also, when ever I mentioned how sad and regretful I am she says she only wants me to be happy and that the last thing she wants is for me to be sad.

    I have brought up a second chance about 2 times saying that I want one. She has responded with “I don’t think we can ever date again”. I thought all hope was lose until last night. Last night we had a good conversation on text and I made her laugh a lot and she made me laugh too. Her main reason she doesn’t want to is trust.

    Please help me I’ve never had so much hatred towards myself.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    What did you do with the footage/film? If it was posted somewhere, that's bad news for you.

    Since she said she doesn't want you, respect her wishes and stop pushing for an outcome that you need. Trust comes with respect too.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I was crossed faded
    I had to google this because I'm old.

    If I understand correctly, you made this choice because you were both high and drunk. And you are 16, correct?

    I know kids party but man, at 16, to be so "cross faded" that you make a decision like this, well that's a big deal and the most important thing to address, imo.

    I have sons so I have to be a mom right now (as I'm pretty sure yours is not aware of this situation).

    Please, no more smoking out. And you know you're too young to drink, right?

    Look at it this way. While under the influence you did something that greatly hurt the feelings of someone you care about very much. Don't touch this stuff. Don't become someone who hurts the ones he loves.

    Relationship-wise, she has made it pretty clear that she doesn't want to date you, though she genuinely seems to appreciate you as a person. You did not do the right thing when you filmed her. You can make it up to her by doing the right thing now. Don't push her to date you anymore. If that's hard, don't talk to her at all. For her sake.

    I think it's normal at this stage in life to have hatred toward yourself, but that's not productive. Instead, please take the steps I advised above so you can become a better version of yourself.

  4. #4

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    What did you do with the footage/film? If it was posted somewhere, that's bad news for you.

    Since she said she doesn't want you, respect her wishes and stop pushing for an outcome that you need. Trust comes with respect too.
    I never sent it anywhere/posted it. I just kept it. I completely respect her as she was my best friend before we dated. I believe she still has feelings for me (she still acts like it). And I know she is almost equal sad/angry as I am.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Scoe141's Avatar
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    If I were you, I'd delete that footage asap. The last you'd want is for that to ever get out. Especially today's laws in regards to revenge pr0n.

    That being said, I'd say your peace and leave her be. Let me know how you feel then drop it. If she's interested, she'll come back to you.

    In regards to hooking up while cross faded, drunk high etc. Don't. Period. Never good will come from it. Not to mention you can put yourself in a very difficult situation. Meaning, if you're under the influence, you can't legally give consent. I'd check your local laws, but just food for thought.

  7. #6
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    That's a pretty serious violation of trust, OP. If you haven't done so already, delete the recording.

    How did she find out about it? Did she catch you filming, or did you come clean after? Did you hang on to it for a little while and she happened to find it on your phone somehow?

    In any case, she might want to forgive you but it's unlikely she will truly be able to look past this. That's the type of behaviour that calls into question your entire character. I would take her at her word that this won't work out, and be respectful of her decision.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Delete that video before you will get arrested for child pornography. She's under 18. It doesn't matter your age, only hers. Stop using being high/drink as an excuse to create porn videos. You are on the same par as those guys who put hidden cameras in toilets. Leave her alone before she presses charges.

  9. #8
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    Delete the video in her presence so she does not have to live in fear that copies are out there. There was a case recently of a teacher getting fired for sending a topless selfie 5 years ago. If she is any way identifiable in it, it could come back to haunt her later.


    Do not victimize someone like this again. Its illegal in a number of states to film someone without their permission no matter what the content, plus her age, etc. She was right to break it off with you.

  10. #9
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    I wouldn't keep apologizing. It was your fault that made her change the terms about the relationship, but you don't have to agree to those terms. She could have forgiven you, but she didn't.
    If you didn't already, delete said video. Then text her one more time saying this just being friends thing isn't working out for you and move on, but leave the door open by saying if you change her mind about dating again then give me a call.
    Either you'll find someone better or after a while she'll start missing you and hit you up, then make a fun date and catch up doing something fun.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by triceps
    I wouldn't keep apologizing. It was your fault that made her change the terms about the relationship, but you don't have to agree to those terms. She could have forgiven you, but she didn't.
    If you didn't already, delete said video. Then text her one more time saying this just being friends thing isn't working out for you and move on, but leave the door open by saying if you change her mind about dating again then give me a call.
    Either you'll find someone better or after a while she'll start missing you and hit you up, then make a fun date and catch up doing something fun.
    no - don't keep apologizing. You need to leave her alone and respect her wishes that she has broken it off. Incessant apologize can be interpreted as stalking and incessant contact after a person has drawn a line in the sand is not respecting her boundaries. If you do what the prior poster said your are showing her that you have no respect for her still
    The only reason to contact her is to offer to delete it in her presence to prove it, but if she doesn't accept your offer, delete it yourself - make sure its not on the phone, not on the cloud - nowhere.

    I think this is one of those line crossers that is irreconcilable - accept her wishes.

    And get help for your drug use and drinking too


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