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Thread: The average timeframe for reconcilation

  1. #1
    Bronze Member SadSadgirl's Avatar
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    The average timeframe for reconcilation

    I've been on these forums for a bit now and some other ones too. I've been noticing a trend with timeframes for reconcilations.

    I've seen a LOT of exes coming back after 3-4 months. Another common timeframe seems to be 8 months for some reason.

    I've also seen exes coming back after their relationship they shortly jumped into after (only lasting maybe 3-5 months) failed.
    What do you guys think? What's a common timeframe for reconcilation? Why do you think so many exes come back at these random times?

    Btw, I'm not looking for hope, I'm not currently going through anything but I just wanted to share something I noticed a lot!

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    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    Imo 6 months seems a common timeframe for exes resurfacing. However, most times things fall apart again because the reasons that led to the break up are very much still there. Loneliness and inability to stand on their own two feet are not good reasons to take them back and it's only a matter of time before things fall apart again. Imo, in the majority of times, their reasons for coming back are not solid, hence why successful reconciliations are the exception not the rule. The rest sooner or later fall apart again and are a major waste of time.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think it's too varied to pinpoint and a bit futile(silly/useless) to guess or pull a number out of a hat. People come back for any number of reasons and not everyone comes back for a relationship either. How many exes come out of the woodwork just for sex or money or some other need. Some come back to placate damaged egos that couldn't recover after the fact independently. Others just feel guilty or lonely. And other "reconciliations" were never that to start with, just a shadow of the intention, while what an individual really should be working on is him or herself.

    If someone or a person is regretting their past and needs closure, I'd encourage closure through other means, healthier outlets. Going into autopilot missing someone is fine up to a limit(grief is ok for awhile) and then you've just got to pull yourself up out of that hole and get on with it.

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    Bronze Member SadSadgirl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    Imo 6 months seems a common timeframe for exes resurfacing. However, most times things fall apart again because the reasons that led to the break up are very much still there. Loneliness and inability to stand on their own two feet are not good reasons to take them back and it's only a matter of time before things fall apart again. Imo, in the majority of times, their reasons for coming back are not solid, hence why successful reconciliations are the exception not the rule. The rest sooner or later fall apart again and are a major waste of time.
    I’ve actually seen quite a few reconciliations end up in marriage, but these are usually after atleast 5+ months apart and possibly seeing other people casually. But that’s just my observation

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by SadSadgirl
    I’ve actually seen quite a few reconciliations end up in marriage, but these are usually after atleast 5+ months apart and possibly seeing other people casually. But that’s just my observation
    I know of none. Yes I know of plenty of reconciliations ( no time frame pattern) but absolutely zero that didn’t end up splitting for the very reason they did in the first instance.

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    I had an ex (5 yr RL) come back after 10 years. Lasted 6 months, then broke up for generally the same reasons. We had fun for a while, but after the honeymoon period it didn't work.

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    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    I've never really had an ex come back so yes, it's very random*

    Guess I'm just very forgettable lol

    Carus*

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    I personally only know of two couples who reconciled and wound up marrying.

    The first was after a year apart. They dated others in between and found their way back to each other. Happily married now for more than 10 years, with two young children.

    The second couple reconciled after about a month, with neither dating anyone else. They are also now married, but by most accounts (including his wife's, who's a close friend of mine) not very happily so. My best guess is that they never really addressed the issues that led to the breakdown in the first place, but married out of familiarity and feeling like they "should."

    I personally have never reconciled with an ex, nor have I wanted to.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I really don't think there is some secret math to this, or some common timeline.

    Most people, right out of a relationship, regardless of the dynamic, think about getting back together in the days, weeks, and months following a breakup. Depends in part on how long the relationship was, and in part on how emotionally stable and secure the person is.

    People who were abused, emotionally or physically, long to reconcile with their abuser. People who leave people for new people entertain thoughts of reconciliation with the person they left. And so on.

    It's a mess—a big, nasty mess that is the flip side to the big, beautiful mess that is loving someone. It's natural, in short, because you're thrown into a void, because you've lost a reliable source of comfort and, with it, part of your identity.

    I know of four people who are married to exes, all happily. In three cases the time apart was long—5 years for two, 1.5 years for one. In one case there was hardly any time apart—one of those "breakups" that, in the scheme of things, wasn't really a breakup but a fight that stemmed from simmering issues that they couldn't deal with. After a few days—or maybe two weeks?—apart they were both like: um, this is dumb, I love you, let's buck up and squash this sh*t. And they did.

    Great stories, those. But they are the exception. Most people get back together for the wrong reasons: loneliness, insecurity, an inability to be calm and confident inside a void, so they reach for the thing that was there before the void, call it love, and jump back into the very mess they were just getting out of.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member Thebighere's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    I really don't think there is some secret math to this, or some common timeline.

    Most people, right out of a relationship, regardless of the dynamic, think about getting back together in the days, weeks, and months following a breakup. Depends in part on how long the relationship was, and in part on how emotionally stable and secure the person is.

    People who were abused, emotionally or physically, long to reconcile with their abuser. People who leave people for new people entertain thoughts of reconciliation with the person they left. And so on.

    It's a mess—a big, nasty mess that is the flip side to the big, beautiful mess that is loving someone. It's natural, in short, because you're thrown into a void, because you've lost a reliable source of comfort and, with it, part of your identity.

    I know of four people who are married to exes, all happily. In three cases the time apart was long—5 years for two, 1.5 years for one. In one case there was hardly any time apart—one of those "breakups" that, in the scheme of things, wasn't really a breakup but a fight that stemmed from simmering issues that they couldn't deal with. After a few days—or maybe two weeks?—apart they were both like: um, this is dumb, I love you, let's buck up and squash this sh*t. And they did.

    Great stories, those. But they are the exception. Most people get back together for the wrong reasons: loneliness, insecurity, an inability to be calm and confident inside a void, so they reach for the thing that was there before the void, call it love, and jump back into the very mess they were just getting out of.
    I'm actually back with my ex after almost 3 years apart. Out of interest, can you share if in the cases you mentioned, did the members of each couple date others seriously? Also, how did they reconnect (if these details were shared with you)? I am comparing notes at the moment :)

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