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Thread: She doesn't want a relationship, but keeps initiating contact?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'm just wondering why she keeps initiating contact.
    She keeps initiating contact because you told her to:
    I told her that we should stay in touch.
    Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    She keeps initiating contact because you told her to:
    Haha good catch. But when I said that, it was out of a sense of fear of losing her. At that moment, I didn't wanna forget her, because I was just leaving her house and suddenly cutting off contact felt weird to me back then.

    So I said those words, but didn't mean them(as in I didn't wanna get friendzoned), though I really did want her to initiate the conversations, which she did, to my surprise. I didn't expect her to initiate them.
    Last edited by FrozenFlames; 04-20-2019 at 07:30 AM.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FrozenFlames
    Haha good catch. But when I said that, it was out of a sense of fear of losing her. At that moment, I didn't wanna forget her, because I was just leaving her house and suddenly cutting off contact felt weird to me back then.

    So I said those words, but didn't mean them(as in I didn't wanna get friendzoned), though I really did want her to initiate the conversations, which she did, to my surprise. I didn't expect her to initiate them.
    Anyways, I'm not contacting her anymore, for a while, till I heal completely.
    My suggestion: Don't contact at all (never mind in a while) and just let it fade. Don't respond to her crumbs and get on with your dating pursuits without her horning in n your thoughts.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    My suggestion: Don't contact at all (never mind in a while) and just let it fade. Don't respond to her crumbs and get on with your dating pursuits without her horning in n your thoughts.
    So it's been 3 weeks going NC and I couldn't be more happier. My exams went pretty well too, and I'm going on my first solo trip to experience new things. To think that I was that much hung up on her earlier is surprising to even me.

    I'll keep posting updates.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Fabulous!

    You do you.

    Have a blast and stay safe.

  7. #16
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    If it's true that she didn't have sex with anyone before, then some girls need time to choose their first serious boyfriend. She is inexperienced & she clearly doesn't know what she wants. Insist with her show her that you care about her, because that's true. Do this for 1 month or 2, then if nothing changes let her go.

  8. 05-21-2019, 07:39 PM

  9. #17
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    So I realized after a while that I had an account here and saw my post.

    I met another girl in June, and we hit it off well, and now she's my girlfriend! Now that I look back, I realize what kind of depressive phase I was in. I'm glad to be out of it. Thank you all for keeping me grounded and not giving me false hopes.

  10. #18
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by FrozenFlames
    So I realized after a while that I had an account here and saw my post.

    I met another girl in June, and we hit it off well, and now she's my girlfriend! Now that I look back, I realize what kind of depressive phase I was in. I'm glad to be out of it. Thank you all for keeping me grounded and not giving me false hopes.
    Good news!
    It's hard to see things when you are smack dab in the middle of it.

  11. #19
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Good news!
    It's hard to see things when you are smack dab in the middle of it.
    I swear! I was in a very bad phase. All the effort I put in the gym almost went to waste given that I lost a lot of weight, stopped working out, and used to just lay in bed all day, being anxious 24x7. Not having a job back then added to it, as I had nothing to keep myself forcefully occupied. I used to visit my friends' house as frequently as I could, to keep myself distracted. It did somewhat help.

    This is how I got myself out of that terribly anxious state:

    1. Meditation helped. I followed a spiritual practice, which I still do. It was a different kind of meditation; not the kind where you focus on your breath or anything like that.
    2. Frequenting my close friend. She was a family friend from a very long time(she practically saw me being born!), and called some of other friends, and we all had a great time together. It did help atleast temporarily, to keep my mind off that crap.
    3. Exams. I had my semester exams just nearly a month after the split. I spent a couple of weeks before exams studying, and it did keep me forcefully occupied.
    4. Going on my first solo trip after my exams, which I had aced. Luckily, I had some savings left from my previous internship. Going on a solo trip to a beautiful mountainous paradise helped me get out of my comfort zone. I stayed in a backpacker hostel for a week, met a ton of cool people, and loved conquering some of my fears. Getting to know the local cultures, and meeting people from all over the world really broadened my horizons. I still stay in touch with the people I met there.
    5. Working out, continuing to meet new people once I came back also helped. I hesitantly got back on Tinder/Hinge, and met the girl i'm currently in a relationship with for a year, there.

    The first month after the split was the hardest, where I felt life kicked me hard, but it eventually got better. To anyone going through the same that I did back then, it gets better. You will heal.

    Came back to this forum nearly after a year purely due to nostalgia. Hope everyone is doing well. :)

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