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Thread: Do I take him back?

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Some always think they can change others, as we can all see that does not work. She chose him, due to her own commitment issues. if she really wanted a commitment, she would have chosen someone emotionally healthy.
    Completely agree. You also likely have "issues" - and the push-pull can feel like love, be exciting -and be oh so safe because you know deep down you'll never have the obligations/responsibilties/commitment that come with expressing loving feelings to him.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Hollsmaur
    So I was seeing this man for 6 months. He told me from the start he had commitment issues and that he was scared of relationships but we seen eachother and spoke every day. He took me out to places, cooked me dinner and bought me a Christmas and birthday present. We ended up arguing a lot because I was falling harder for him every day and he wasnít willing to accept he loved me too. In the end he said he needed space from me so thatís what I gave him. One week later he tells me he misses me and loves me but I just canít help but think heís just saying it so that I go running back to him so Iím a little bit skeptical. I just keep thinking that if he truely loved me heíd be in a relationship with me by now and he wouldnít of needed space but he might actually mean it. I told him iíd Think about it because I just really donít know what to do.. I donít want to get hurt. He told me he wants to carry on just seeing me until he feels ready for a relationship but I canít help but feel heíll never want one.
    He's a commitmentphobe, classic case.

    Google it, tons of info discussing it.

    My advice? Don't go back, and stay away from him.

    If you go back, expect the same thing to happen, only this time it will be sooner than six months.

    Commitment fears take years to resolve, if ever, and he's warned you about them..

    Stay away.

    Oh and next time you encounter a man like this, do not argue with him, just leave.

  3. #13
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    So I was seeing this man for 6 months. He told me from the start he had commitment issues and that he was scared of relationships but we seen eachother and spoke every day.
    Not to sound harsh, but what part of the above do you not understand? It doesn't matter how you spin it, he appeared to be honest and was not stringing you along.

  4. #14
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    I blame the romantic movies on this type of thinking. Itís easy to get caught up in the thought you can change that one person because youíre special enough.

    In reality itís far from the truth. You canít change him into wanting a relationship. Unfortunately what you see is what you get. The fact you have to think about this shows me you donít think highly enough of yourself.

    Please op this isnít something that is whimsical and you can be the exception for him.

    Thereís a guy out there who will adore you and not make you worry about his devotion.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would not resume seeing him. Iíd tell him that I adore him, Iíve already made it clear that Iím relationship material, so Iím walking away while we both still think highly of one another. If he ever decides that a committed relationship is something he wants with me, he can let me know. If Iím still available then, we can meet to catch up. Otherwise, I wish him the best, but Iím moving forward to find what I want with someone who wants the same thing I do.

    Hovering wonít make a reluctant person more inclined to give you what you want, just the opposite. It sends the message that you donít respect yourself, so youíll settle for scraps. Thatís not exactly inspiring.

  7. #16
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    Dear Holsmaur, The decision is totally yours, but seems like if you know he has commitment issues and he is not willing to change what can you do? There needs to be a serious conversation with him if this is what you want. He needs to realize how you feel. Don't settle for something that is not the best for you. I wonder if he would be open to counseling to help figure out why he has commitment issues??? I wish you the best, but be sure you take care of your self emotionally and physically. Be careful!

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