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Thread: unrequited love

  1. #1

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    unrequited love

    Many of you have probably dealt with something like this before, but I am still inexperienced and need some advice on what to do when your love is unrequited. I have a crush on this boy on my high school badminton team (same grade, we just don't talk often), but I'm not sure he feels the same way (I'm also really insecure about my body shape/weight, so I'm 99% sure he doesn't like me back). I never thought I would like someone to the point where I would even think of them liking me back, but this time my heart aches when I see him with other girls (he is neighbors with my best friend, but she doesn't know I like him, and they're really close). I've never experienced this ache before, but it's painful and I'm unsure of what to do. I am extremely shy and have never told anyone (not even my closest friends) when I have a crush on someone, and I definitely don't plan to tell him (any time soon anyway). He's a really funny and nice guy, and I would love to get closer, but I feel like I should try to get over this crush before it hurts me anymore. Any advice?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    You need to take him off the pedestal. Crushes like that are the result of overidelization of a stranger in combination with low self-esteem. You should focus on addressing the things within you that make you insecure. You could also get to know him since he is close with your friend with no expectations in mind. You will see that he is just another guy. Whom you are crushing on doesn't really exist. Your mind has likely overidealized him Hollywood rom com style. Yet all people are flawed and you don't really know the real him. The mind daydreams and embellishes them with all kinds of exaggerated attributes/ wishful thinking. That's why crushes are a waste of time. Addressing your insecurities is the best solution. Then you will have the courage to approach people, get to know them and see them how they really are without preconceived notions/expectations.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Crushes are fine and a normal part of growing up. Just relax and enjoy his friendship. The right guy will come along soon.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    You need to take him off the pedestal. Crushes like that are the result of overidelization of a stranger in combination with low self-esteem. You should focus on addressing the things within you that make you insecure. You could also get to know him since he is close with your friend with no expectations in mind. You will see that he is just another guy. Whom you are crushing on doesn't really exist. Your mind has likely overidealized him Hollywood rom com style. Yet all people are flawed and you don't really know the real him. The mind daydreams and embellishes them with all kinds of exaggerated attributes/ wishful thinking. That's why crushes are a waste of time. Addressing your insecurities is the best solution. Then you will have the courage to approach people, get to know them and see them how they really are without preconceived notions/expectations.
    This is very good advice. Focus on investing in yourself and your confidence will go up. Invest time in people that are willing to invest time in you vs. fantasies and people that are physically or emotionally unavailable.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    lol, cruses, especially in school, are perfectly normal.

    You could try to talk to him, flirt with him and see. Also, talk to other guys, there are more fish in the sea!

  7. #6
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    My rule in life was always not to assume that someone is not into you until you made a move on them and you were rejected. I asked out most of my partners myself. I think you need to spend more time with this boy and talk to him and then figure out if there are any vibes between you or not. Sometimes it helps to get rid of a crush if you let the person know you're interested, but they turn you down. I find that if you just harbour the crush, it does become mostly fantasy and blown out of proportion. It's pretty easy to do this if you are not close with the person and they don't know how you feel, so you just imagine scenarios in your own mind. I still do this and I'm 34 years old! I'm engaged but I do get crushes sometimes too, it's definitely normal.


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