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Thread: Husband won’t accept its over

  1. #1
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    Husband won’t accept its over

    So in my previous post I was saying how almost a month again I left my husband of 12 years due to a history of dishonesty capped off with the discovery of inappropriate emails between him an a woman at his electrical supplier. She also had sent him a bikini pic and he replied with a cartoon penis (I never saw this but husband states that this is all there ever was - despite her saying in email she was running out of ideas, what pic did he want tomorrow?)and asked her to send a pic of “all of her” next time and implied she should take the day off work with him. A couple months later she (according to him randomly) sent him an email asking him how he’d ask a friend to borrow his house for the afternoon to have sex with someone who wasn’t his wife. Now this is the very least that happened. I refuse to believe that this is the whole story, there’s no way that everything that happened between them just happens to be what I found myself in these emails. Anyway...that’s some of the background.
    I left him almost a month ago. In this time he has been absolutely broken, has attended counselling, enrolled in anger management, changed suppliers to he won’t need any contact with this woman. He is still calling me pet names and ending messages with xx and begging me to help him fix things. I have told him I don’t love him and I would never trust him again. We are completely over and I have not once even hinted that I am interested in “fixing” things.
    I am really sorry he is hurting, I really am. How do I make him understand that there is no future for us bedsides coparenting our son?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    My guess is he is still in shock that you left and have said it's over. You may need to communicate with him thru a lawyer.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    First off, good for you. I remember your last thread, and from that one this is clearly the right path for you and your son.

    He’s probably going to be shocked for a while. Good for him for taking some steps he’s needed to take for some time—it’ll make him a better man, a better co-parent. Hopefully he stays that path even when reality sets in.

    Maybe a lawyer is the way to go? Ultimately you’ll just have to keep holding the line you’re holding, and the facts will sink in.

    Do you have a good network of support right now?

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    Glad you ended it with this bum!

    Stop engaging with him, unless necessary for bills, etc...Contact an attorney and get divorce proceedings going. He can go through your lawyer, after that.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How do you make him understand? He gets papers from the courts/your attorney regarding divorce and child support,custody/visitation. Unless you file for a divorce and he gets a letter from an attorney why would he "accept it's over"? This is not dating where you break up for a while. If "it's over" you need to file for divorce. Otherwise it's not over. Also you are still communicating with him directly.

    If you really want "it over", you need to take some steps and let your attorney communicate with him as well as stopping the chitchat. It sounds like you just want him to grovel and beg for a while as punishment for texting this woman.
    Originally Posted by LisaGeorgiou
    I left him almost a month ago. He is still calling me pet names and ending messages with xx. How do I make him understand that there is no future for us bedsides coparenting our son?

  7. #6
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    [QUOTE=Wiseman2;7116985]How do you make him understand? He gets papers from the courts/your attorney regarding divorce and child support,custody/visitation. Unless you file for a divorce and he gets a letter from an attorney why would he "accept it's over"?

    In Australia you cannot apply for a divorce until you have been separated 12 months.

  8. 04-16-2019, 08:20 AM
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    Trolling

  9. 04-16-2019, 08:27 AM
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  10. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent. Now all you have to do is work out a child custody/child support arrangement through the courts, stop chitchatting and whatever the pre-divorce filing/procedure is appropriate for your jurisdiction.
    Originally Posted by LisaGeorgiou
    In Australia you cannot apply for a divorce until you have been separated 12 months.

  11. 04-16-2019, 09:09 AM
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  12. #8
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    Do you have a good network of support right now?
    Thankyou, yes I do. 😊

  13. 04-16-2019, 09:20 AM
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    Trolling

  14. 04-16-2019, 09:20 AM
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    Refers to deleted post.

  15. 04-16-2019, 09:21 AM
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  16. #9
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LisaGeorgiou
    In Australia you cannot apply for a divorce until you have been separated 12 months.
    We have the same law in Canada but if you have kids and need to make financial and custody arrangements you can file a separation agreement with the courts that can then be used to draw up the divorce agreement.

    Just ignore any messages or calls from him that are unrelated to your child or moving forward with the separation... of course he is having regret and guilt about what he did but it's a selfish regret and guilt and he wants you to absolve him of blame. If you took him back he would likely do it again and/or try to tell you it was your fault that he cheated... he hasn't been alone long enough to make any real changes in his life and is probably still seeing that woman.

  17. #10
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, some guys wear their heart on their sleeves and just can't let go. It may take some time.

    One of the best rejections would be to tell him you have a boyfriend, depending on your morals. Or just get boyfriend. Or start dating, and tell him that you met someone else and want to see where it goes. Additionally, you should be dating even if you don't feel like it yet. It will make you feel better, it's good therapy.

    If he has any good intuition/sense (probably not), he will loose interest when he hears that there is another man in your life.

    There is no way to reject somebody nicely. They have to reject you, it hurts less that way - when it's their own idea.

    Divorce can be tough when you have kids and have to deal with each other until they are 18.

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