Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: I can't control these emotions

  1. #1

    I can't control these emotions

    So bit of background, I was talking to this guy for about a month, I met him through an app and he lives in Malta and I'm living in the UK.
    It was all good and friendly until one day I sent him a video of me and he was like oh so cute and basically we kind of started 'dating' online?
    We exchanged pictures and videos for weeks then he planned to come to London and we said we'd spend 3 days together here.

    Just a side note, this guy is my ideal type, he's tall handsome and so charming and literally perfect and I feel like I'm infatuated with him.
    Anyway so he came and when we met, he hugged me tight and pulled my cheeks stroked my hair held my hand, and I was super nervous because
    he is more good looking in real life than pictures whereas I'm just normal.

    So as the day went by I noticed him losing interest in me, he held my hand only like 3 hours, and for he rest of the day he started acting like a friend but only stroked my hair from time to time, and actually when he saw first he looked a bit confused. Now this drove me mad at first but he was fine for the first couple of hours so I was like ok maybe I'm just being too nervous and need to chill. But the later into the evening it got the more distant he became walking with his hands in his pockets and I got so sad I even cried a bit while walking with him because at this point I knew he was not attracted to me and basically thought I looked different from real life.
    When it came for us to part ways, he literally again patted my head and I was like... where's my hug and it was the most awkward hug ever I hugged him so briefly and ran away literally ... didn't even look back to wave, I felt so ashamed. Like I shouldn't really but yeah.

    So the next day I stupidly assumed that it was all in my head and messaged him saying I'm getting ready and leaving and all that stuff, I messaged at 9am and he replied at 2pm saying he's 'sick' now I took this rejection hard, because I've never been rejected ever and every guy I've dated has said how I look better than my pictures so this really affected my self esteem real bad.

    Anyway so I spent that day upset, and here is when you lot will think I'm a crazy b*tch too but I was stalking his instagram like every detail.
    He blocked me from watching his stories and unfollowed me and removed me, which I thought was so extreme, like f*cking hell mate, I'm not that bad. Pissed me off but I'ved been a bit obsessed recently with the insta stalking, he told me he's not ready for a relationship and that he will travel around london alone yet he was using some other dating app to find girls to meet. He met this other girl 2 days in a row and now I've been comparing myself to her thinking what is wrong with me, like are you serious?? And he never uploaded any of this stuff with the girl but I stalked his following list and found her instagram, literally became the fbi in these past couple days of rejection.

    At the same time I have starved myself since that day, since now I feel like he lost interest because I'm a bit chubby? but he knew this but then I think maybe I don't look so chubby in pictures and look horrible in real life?? I've become so insecure but I WANT HIM.
    I want him so bad I'm literally considering so much like losing weight, plastic surgery and everything.
    We are currently speaking as 'friends' again and in this time I'm planning to GLOW TF UP and even made a timer on my phone.

    The even crazier thing is I made a fake insta just to mess with him how he did with me, like they say haste makes waste but at that time I went with the flow with him and he got me liking him then rejected me IRL. I started talking to him through this fake instagram, and he seems so into the girl in the pics lmao. He even lied to her about having lunch and going on a date with this other girl, because he doesn't think that's me and that anyone would go through the girls he's following to see who uploaded him on their story but I literally found her instantly and caught him lying, which means he doesn't even give a about her.

    The only reason why I want him is because we did have a connection and he wasn't actively dating anyone else at that moment because he was so focused on me. And now the attention has left me I am so annoyed, frustrated and restless and I CANNOT AND I MEAN CAN NOT BEAR TO SEE HIM WITH ANYONE ELSE. Like the jealousy is extreme and I've had migranes for the past 3 days because of anxiety.

    I need some advice, IDK what kind of advice you guys could give me, I know I'm acting crazy but I cannot control or stop thinkng about him.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    12,907
    Gender
    Female
    Op: Have you seen the movie "Fatal Attraction?" I'm sorry you're feeling rejected but it happens all.of.the.time in online dating and instead of becoming a bunny boiler over a guy you don't even really know, just stop stalking him and put yourself out there again. You're obsessed over a guy you don't even know and that's not healthy... making false profiles to catfish him? Don't be cra/cra over any guy.

    The sting of the rejection will pass a whole lot quicker if you block/delete/and get on with your life without him in it in anyway. (which includes social media creeping)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    1,669
    Gender
    Male
    Um, whoa.

    Look, I'm sorry that a dude you don't know at all turned out to be a non-starter when you met in person. But also? That's life. Something you shrug off in a day or an hour.

    Your reaction? Extreme, to put it mildly.

    Which you understandówell, great. But right now you're using that understanding as an excuse to stay "crazy" and keep getting "crazier." Not great. Really kind of frightening to read, frankly.

    You want some real talk advice? Delete Instagram from your phone and all the dating apps. Do it RIGHT NOW. For at least a month. Learn to live in your own skin, in the real world, because right now you've confused the world of the screen with the world at large. Your emotions are being triggered by illusions and fantasies, because that's all these apps are.

    That's all he was when you were "connecting." He was a "story." In reality? He was just a dude who flaked. Big whoop. I'm sure you've flaked on some dudes before. It happens. Trouble is you can't see reality, and respond to it, because you're hooked on the screen. You need to get unhooked, so you can learn what real connection isówith yourself, with the world, and with others.

    That's step oneóbut it's just the first step.

    Step two is call a therapist and tell him/her this whole story. From there, if the therapist is halfway decent, you two can do some untangling and get at some of the root issues at play here: your lack of self-esteem and self-worth, your obsessive reliance on men to give you attention, and a general OCD streak that can lead you down some dark paths. Once you understand that, it'll all be less mysterious and you'll be able to better control that which, right now, you "can't control."

    I know that sounds hard. I know it's a lot easier to keep poking him from a fake Insta account. But the more you keep doing thatówell, the more this becomes the person you are, rather than a person you were during a weird little period in life that led to an awesome chapter when you were able to love yourself and connect with others on a real plane.
    Last edited by bluecastle; 04-15-2019 at 08:26 PM.

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    133
    Gender
    Male
    If people like you they will show it and will try to be in your life. You canít really change that. Make sure your profile photos accurately represent how you look in real life. Been there with a couple of girls who looked way different in their photos. It shows a lack of intergrity in my opinion.

    You gotta let this one go. Rejection breeds obsession. Stop looking at his stuff. You are torturing yourself. Gotta wait for him to hit the ball back and if he doesnít that means he was never really into you in the first place.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Cairo, Egypt
    Posts
    92
    Gender
    Male
    Okay you say you had a connection, can you tell me what's that connection based on exactly, personality wise, because throughout this entire thread you've been raving about nothing but his looks. Look you already found out he's a liar and a superficial fu**boy basically, beat some sense into yourself and get over it seriously.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    31,908
    Gender
    Male
    The best thing to do is take care of yourself. That means seeing a doctor for a check up as well as a referral to a therapist. Get treatment for the anxiety, obsessions and loneliness/depression. Get on real dating apps with a good profile and pics. Start messaging and meeting local men. Avoid scammers and catfish and weirdos by using better dating strategies, such as dating locally and meeting asap before you build up a "romance" in your head with someone you do not know. Get out in real life. Step away from the screen and living in a lonely fantasy world.
    Originally Posted by camillakilla
    I've had migranes for the past 3 days because of anxiety.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    874
    Ok, so the date did not work out, it happens, sorry about that. You find a replacement, you have to date other guys so you can catch feelings for someone else who likes you back.


Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •