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What to do after going out with colleagues?


Nick023

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Last Friday we went on a team trip which was a lot of fun. It ended quite early so some of us decided to head into the city for some beers. One of my colleagues, let's call her Amber, who I didn't really talk to before since she's new, kept laughing at all my jokes and kept touching my arm. She also described a person that looks like me as her type to a colleague.

 

We all left the bar and most colleagues decided it was time to head home. I missed my train so Amber invited me to her house to wait for it. We ended up talking for around 2 hours before I left (note, this was around 6AM). After I left she was the first one to send me a message saying that she hopes that I get home safe and sleep well. I texted her the other day saying that I had a great time, she responded that she had a great time as well.

 

Anyways, back to evening. This might be where I messed up: I didn't make a move. I should have, but I didn't. One reason is that we were both quite intoxicated and I didn't want to take advantage. I do regret not doing it though, because I'm not sure what my position is now.

 

So how can I proceed? Did I totally mess up by not making a move on Friday? Or can I still repair it?

 

Also, we're both interns, so I'm not scared of losing my job.

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You didn't do anything wrong, actually you did the right thing by waiting until you were both sober before deciding you would like to go on a date with her.

 

This is super easy since all the ground work is already done. I would say call her up and tell her "I had a great time with you the other night and would like to take you to dinner so we can get to know each other better"

 

She has shown interest, you are her type and the ice has already been broken. The only way it gets easier than this is if SHE asks you out!

 

As far as being work colleagues goes I wouldn't worry, we go through interns around my work like crazy so it is not your forever career right?

 

Be brave and contact her right away but make sure you have a plan on what, where and when.

 

Lost

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Save the good night text in case things go bad and she sues for harassment.

 

That aside, yes, you should go for the first kiss within the first few dates - if you wait too long, the woman can loose interest. And yes, hanging out with her at home alone is an impromptu date.

 

So, you still have time!

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What kind of move did you think was appropriate? It wasn't even a date.

 

Get to know her first before you think about making moves.

 

I honestly don't know. Something that atleast shows some affection towards her. In my head it feels like I sat there for 2 hours like a compelete moron.

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I have a different approach to work-related issues. Depending on your work environment and where you see your career going/how serious you are about it, consider your actions from there. An internship in general doesn't mean that you are expected to goof off, flirt or sleep around. Remember, that the people you meet in this industry will remember your track record and dependability in the work place. Regardless of what you think about yourself, your peers will be associating with you for a long time. You can make or break opportunities all on your own. I'd discourage bad habits early on.

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Do not ask her for a date at work!!!

 

Why? Asking her through WhatsApp seems too easy, plus I'd like to ask her face to face

 

You didn't go out with her, so there is nothing to do.

 

She could have possibly wanted to have sex, that ship has sailed. Move on, leave her alone.

 

I don't think she did, she's not that type of girl.

 

Why do I need to leave her alone? It's not like I'm stalking her, I haven't even asked her yet. What is wrong with asking?

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You can call her or walk her to her car after work and ask her out then, doing it in the office setting may be awkward.

 

Just don't wait to long or she may think you just want to be friends and aren't that into her.

 

Give her a call this evening and ask her out. Keep it simple and light.

 

Let us know how it goes.

 

Lost

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Why? Asking her through WhatsApp seems too easy, plus I'd like to ask her face to face

 

 

 

I don't think she did, she's not that type of girl.

 

Why do I need to leave her alone? It's not like I'm stalking her, I haven't even asked her yet. What is wrong with asking?

 

A better choice of words would be 'leave it alone'. It's not about right or wrong. There is nothing immoral about dating a co-worker. It's just a really bad idea that more often ends with awkwardness at best, and lawsuits at worst. Think about your job and professionalism. There't billions of other women out there to choose from.

 

If she's not that type of girl, you shouldn't be asking if it was a mistake not making a move. Personally you don't know what type they are until you make an advance. Same with men. Most people don't advertise. Most, not all.

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