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Thread: Splitting rent if your partner stays at your place a few times a week

  1. #21
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    JMO but I think keeping score of who pays for what is an attraction/relationship killer.

    But if you feel you're being taken advantage of financially, then address that.

    But to ask him to pay part of the rent because he stays over a few nights a week? Well, a bit much imo.

    My bf stays over quite a bit, he helps me with a lot of stuff around my apartment (broken garbage disposal, clogged drain, stuff like that) brings over food nearly every time he comes.

    I also stay at his a good majority of the time.

    I just cannot imagine having that conversation, it would never even occur to me, but if it's something that bothers you, then address it, calmly and rationally.

  2. #22
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'd never expect a guest (and he is just that) to split the rent, help pay my bills, etc. Also, no offense but that's what having roommates is for.

    Since you've let this go on for this amount of time, your best option is to limit the time he spends there. JMO...

  3. #23
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    My bf stays over at my place on average 3 nights a week and I have never considered asking him to pay for the privilege of staying over. He lived with a roommate previously, now has his own place, but I still have my kitties to take care of so most of the time will be at my place which I am good with.

    He pays for more than his fair share of dates and groceries and usually drives us around in his car... and when he stays over he brings his own toiletries and clean laundry with him, helps with chores, etc.

    It seems like your relationship is pretty reciprocal OP... is it because he isn't paying rent and you think he has more disposable income than you that you want him to contribute?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    He pays for more than his fair share of dates and groceries and usually drives us around in his car... and when he stays over he brings his own toiletries and clean laundry with him, helps with chores, etc.
    So it should be but Op's boyfriend contributes nothing and then lets her pay for every other date as well. Which of course makes it... not "reciprocal."

    I do agree that him to chipping in on rent or utilities isn't something he should be expected to do.

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  6. #25
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    I agree with the general sentiment. he is a guest in your home and should not be charged a dime. Yes, he should bring food over sometimes, etc. If he was living in an apartment - he wouldn't be charging you rent, either. I do think you should back up and make sure you aren't falling into "playing house" where he stays weeks on end. Make sure you have dates where he is over because you had a date/did something together or for convenience (you are getting up at the crack of dawn to go somewhere together) and is not faux living there.

  7. #26
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    Thank you to everyone who responded and had provided their opinion, I appreciate all insight.
    I look at my situation a bit differently thanks to the advice provided.
    Last edited by Npgirl09; 04-17-2019 at 02:00 AM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. You simply do not invite him over and act like a free bed and breakfast + sex. Let him grow up, be responsible, get a second job/part time work/whatever and get his own place. Stop letting him do the guest-to-live in parasite creep. Just put an end to his staying there and making your place the love nest headquarters.

    Either make him a co-tenant and make him pay for 1/2 of everything or do not let him stay there. You can not charge a guest who has no rights rent. On the other hand start keeping your eyes open to parasitic and cheap behaviors such as mooching off both you and his mommy. You are becoming mommy 2.0. Just stop.
    Originally Posted by Npgirl09
    He lives at his momís house. I have my own 1 bedroom apartment.

    Ever since I got my apartment last year he had been staying at my place a few times a week, and then it turned to some weeks at a time.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    No. You simply do not invite him over and act like a free bed and breakfast + sex. Let him grow up, be responsible, get a second job/part time work/whatever and get his own place. Stop letting him do the guest-to-live in parasite creep. Just put an end to his staying there and making your place the love nest headquarters.

    Either make him a co-tenant and make him pay for 1/2 of everything or do not let him stay there. You can not charge a guest who has no rights rent. On the other hand start keeping your eyes open to parasitic and cheap behaviors such as mooching off both you and his mommy. You are becoming mommy 2.0. Just stop.
    It's not free bed and breakfast- it's dating. She wants to share a bed and he is at his parents. If she wants to play hard ball then she can suggest that he make reservations at a hotel he pays for (I assume she can't stay at his). My husband treated me to dinner many many times when we were dating (he still tries to but now it's basically "our money" but it's a lovely gesture!) - I agree with the others who pointed out the benefits to her.

    Certainly if he moves out of his parents and shows up at her door expecting to live there 24/7 he's a roommate as well as a boyfriend.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    I bought toiletries that my bf likes to help him feel welcome -- doesn't that feel nicer?

    The real issue is that you don't trust him to be responsible for himself, and that may be valid. Can't tell.

    You can control your position by offering less. If you don't want to pay or drive, then don't. Never extend yourself into resentment zone. Stop before you get to that point.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    I bought toiletries that my bf likes to help him feel welcome -- doesn't that feel nicer?

    The real issue is that you don't trust him to be responsible for himself, and that may be valid. Can't tell.

    You can control your position by offering less. If you don't want to pay or drive, then don't. Never extend yourself into resentment zone. Stop before you get to that point.
    Yes all this and IamfCa raises a good point - that this might be more than the surface "should he pay rent" -do you resent that he lives at home rent-free or lose respect for him so it intensifies the feeling that he should step up to the plate and pay rent even though he doesn't live with you?

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