Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 30

Thread: Splitting rent if your partner stays at your place a few times a week

  1. #11
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,784
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    Me personally, I wouldn't care as I would be incurring those expenses anyway.
    ^^ this.
    If you'd be paying the same with or without him, then I would let it go.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    49,564
    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    ^^ this.
    If you'd be paying the same with or without him, then I would let it go.
    Yes exactly and I think it's petty to ask. If he moves in with you permanently then yes. Also it's more convenient for you if he stays at your place and it sounds like you can't stay at his (I had boyfriends where the parents had me stay over and sometimes in the same room, depending).

  3. #13
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,287
    It's either worth it to you for him to stay over or it's not. Sorry, but I'd never so much as ask for groceries, though it's on the more sensible end of requests you could make. You're being spared the commute to his and you get to enjoy the comfort and familiarity of your own home. That's the exchange. Again, up to you if it's worth it. If you're feeling smothered to the extent you feel you should be compensated, then scale back the sleepovers.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,321
    Gender
    Female
    Iím starting to feel like itís unbalanced that he stays at my place and uses my toiletries, and has also not offered to help.
    Next time he texts you that he's on his way there from his mother's house or work or whatever, text him back "cool, can you please stop and pick up ______ (name what you need here)" and let him pay for it.

    You may be covering the rent whether he is there or not but if you're buying all the incidentals then you're going to go through things twice as fast if he's using everything too.

    In my eyes, he's taking advantage of your good nature... he likely doesn't even realize most likely because his mother fronts him all that stuff and he's used to it being there when he needs it.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,203
    I'm having a hard time relating, as I've not been in a situation where I'm in my own place and bf still lives at home. I have lived on my own since 18, and dated those out of the folks house nearly exclusively.

    Is this your first year in your own apartment? I tend to lean the way of jman... either having him there is worth it to you or no. If no ( and it wouldn't be for me, he's grown, if he wants privacy to do what he wants with his gf he can make that happen, it's not your sole job).... Cut way back on him staying over. It's not a squat, right. ;)

  7. #16
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    2,197
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by j.man
    You're being spared the commute to his and you get to enjoy the comfort and familiarity of your own home. That's the exchange.
    Yeah, this. Well put.

    I get that, in this situation, it feels especially weighted since he's living for free at his parents. Well, that's youth, the station he's at right now, the dude you're dating.

    Another dude you date? He may live in a pigsty with three bros, you'll prefer hanging at yours than his, even if he's more than happy to go 50/50 on the sleepovers. And you'd be in a similar situation.

    I've lived alone since I was 18, so most women I dated up to around 30 spent most of their time at mine. They had roommates, I didn'tóit was just better. I also liked not having to get on the subway or hail a cab to homes and hoods I liked less than mine, so it worked just fine.

    Maybe just scaling back the sleepovers, rather than having a discussion, is the best way to go here.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Location
    Central Canada
    Posts
    13,321
    Gender
    Female
    My daughter spent most weekends at her boyfriends home the year prior to them getting married. (she lived with us, he and his brother bought a house together years earlier) She would never think of not contributing shampoo and even laundry detergent and she often bought over the wine or a couple of steaks or something.

    For your boyfriend to not even offer? Seems rather odd.
    Last edited by ThatwasThen; 04-15-2019 at 04:30 PM.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,305
    Gender
    Male
    How much more do you spend with him? Like 50$ per month?200$ per month?

  10. #19
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Posts
    1,139
    If he's spending a lot of time at your place and eating up all your groceries, and makes "a lot more than you do", I think he should be paying for most of the dates to offset that. Maybe offering to pay for gas if you stop at a gas station. That said, gas is cheap.

    I don't think he should be paying rent or water bills though - that smells of prostitution.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    1,071
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Npgirl09
    Thank you everyone for your input so far.
    The water bill is included in my rent, but not the gas bill so hot water is a charge.
    If I already have food at my house, we will eat that, but if we go grocery shopping he will pay for the groceries if he is planning on making a recipe so The groceries are enough groceries to make one meal.

    As for dates, itís split. If he pays for our dinner date one night, then Iíll pay for our lunch date the next time and so on.
    I must also add I tend to drive us around more than he does as well. Iíve tried to put a stop to that but I live in a busy area and he doesnít want to lose his parking spot.
    He makes a lot more money than I do, but Itís weird because itís is not about the money really. Iím just starting to get annoyed that heís never bothered or considered to chip in.
    It seems to me like your real problem is your dislike of a perceived character flaw that you're likely relating to how much he cares about you (i.e. he should be chipping in without me having to ask). If you're starting to feel resentment over general give and take in the relationship, a direct conversation is warranted. However, go into the conversation prepared to ask for exactly what you want, so he is aware of your expectations. It took two people to create your current dynamic and it's unfair to have the attitude that he should be able to read your mind regarding your recent change in attitude about how expenses are shared (or not shared).

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •