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Thread: Question for men: would you forgive your beloved one who once smack you?

  1. #11
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    I'm not into assault. It sounds like he did the right thing kicking you out.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Scoe141's Avatar
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    Forgive, yes. Continue to date and support, no.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle

    To be hit by someone who professes to "love" you—no. That is not love to me, or a love I want anywhere near me. It is not "acting like kids," but something else. A complete lack of impulse control, a very real screw that has come loose. A woman can cheat on me, take advantage of me, steal from me, manipulate me, rile me up, tear me up, wreak havoc on my self-esteem—I will never, ever lay a hand in those moments. I know this about myself, because I've been in all those situations.

    There is literally no excuse of physical violence, ever. If a female friend came to me saying her boyfriend "lightly slapped" her in a tense moment, I'd tell her to get out and never look back. The same goes with genders reversed, for the same reasons. If your relationship has reached that point it's done. If someone has shown themselves capable of hurting you like this, there is no space for them in your life.

    Hit the nail on the head, as usual.

  4. #14
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree forgive . Want in my life , no.

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  6. #15
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    NO there is never an excuse to lay hands on anyone. I would cut you from my life.

  7. #16
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    I would forgive too, but NOT for him, for myself.

    Because I prefer to not carry that bitterness and anger inside me.

    Forgiveness releases that anger, prevents it from festering within which would no doubt negatively impact my future relationships.

    And walk away for good.

  8. #17
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    I don't think the slap in the face was a big deal. The way you're handling your emotions and reacting is creating a very big deal. You told him you're leaving him, that it's essentially over and then you just left. To him you just broke up with him, you're not there to reconcile, you're not offering any chances is just that you got angry and then said the relationship his over. He's invested in the relationship too, it's his risk too to invest in you. If you just say it's over and leave that is you two breaking up. The next step for him was to pack your bags based on what you said. Even if you now say you don't mean it, to him it felt like you did. He may not be willing to hang around you to find out next time if you mean it. So this is the biggest issue, that you would say you are leaving him and then just leave. Asian culture, which supports marriage and family and not dating for 5 years also supports not saying you're leaving even if that's how you feel and may even be planning on doing. So this I would ask that you fix about yourself.

    Beyond this though, you two are not compatible. He wants to date you for 5 years, he does not want to marry you and if he later decides when he is 35 that he wants someone younger he's just going to stop dating you. At that stage of life it doesn't take 5 years to figure someone out, people usually get married after 2. I recommend that you stay broken up and get a hold of your anger and never go to breakups when you're angry.

  9. #18
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    We already told you that this is not a healthy relationship. All was not perfect before this incident. You have had problems for a long time.

    Move on from this!!!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I've been a victim and a perpetrator of physical violence. There is never ever ever an excuse to lash out at someone violently, no matter how angry you are or how much pain you feel, and no matter what gender you are.

    I feel plenty of shame and guilt for those behaviors.... I tried justifying it and working through it and made excuses for it in the relationship from both ends and in my experience once that line is crossed, the trust is broken permanently.

    You need to learn to deal with your anger so you don't continue to cause harm emotionally or physically in the future. Get professional help in identifying your triggers and learning to manage your emotions.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    I will reiterate what previous posts wrote. It's a huge breech of trust and once that line has been crossed it cannot be undone. Taking you back would be a huge risk and would open the possibility for further abuse since you lack impulse control. At least now there is a chance that you will not repeat such behaviour knowing that the consequences are irreversible.

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