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Thread: Question for men: would you forgive your beloved one who once smack you?

  1. #1
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    Question for men: would you forgive your beloved one who once smack you?

    Long story short.
    It was a very healthy relationship, the night before we were in the cinema and had a lovely dinner together and woke up arm in arm (we lived together). The next day we had an argument - I was upset and told him Im leaving. The same day when I returned home he packed up my stuffs and asked me for the key. When I got home he asked me: are you hungry? Should I cook something? And I saw in the living room my stuffs were packed in luggages. I flipped out. I destroyed our photos. I threw my beloved soft toy in the bin which was his gift for me, I was broken. He yelled at me: this is my home.
    The next morning I received a call from his mother and she told me to leave....I was even more mad that he got his mother involved...Then he threatened me with the police and he actually called the police on me to make me leave the common apartment. (he is the one who has the contract with the landlord). I went homeless. A week later I couldn't stand this situation after we texted to each other...I went to "his" apartment, for me emotionally also mine at 11pm, a bit tipsy. He locked the door from outside and came out. I just wanted to go home...It happened so suddenly with this stupid argument. We are both not mature and both lack of communications. It was wonderful even the day before. I didn't open me the door and I gave him a smack, I left the house.
    I know he loves me very much, he told me I was his first love and we had future plans (two vacations booked) and marriage plans. He never lived with a woman before. We never had any arguments before living together. I do love him. He sent a common friend a day after her wedding day a message that he wishes thing would have worked out differently and he could attend the wedding alone with me. That common friend told him that I left the wedding earlier because I was sad too.
    I am not an aggressive person he knows that and I always took good care of him. It was that moment I wanted to go home... my heart broke to see him not letting me to go home. I wanted go home and cry.
    We were both acting like kids. He knew I would never leave him (maybe he did not in that moment), he called my bluffs and packed up my stuffs...
    So would you as a man to forgive?
    Last edited by claudeb; 04-15-2019 at 10:59 AM.

  2. #2
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    You said it was a very healthy relationship. Everything after that says otherwise.

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Once there is violence it is over. Period. If you haven’t had any treatment for anger issues then you havent progressed so no.

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    Ps. It was a light slap on his face.

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  6. #5
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    I responded on your previous thread, as did many others.

    I refer you back to those responses, good luck moving forward.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Already commented on your specific situation, so I'll respond generally.

    No, I wouldn't. I'm vigilant enough about physical threats outside my home. I don't volunteer myself for one inside of it. I know and respect women enough to realize that despite the common discrepancy in physicality and competency, very rarely is there a countdown and a bell before someone is attacked, and women are as capable as anyone else of inflicting damage. Whether it's a lucky gouge, rake, or weapon involved, it doesn't take a lot to even the odds when someone's got their guard down. Obviously not to say any woman who's ever slapped a guy is destined to go ham, but personally, it shows me you're willing and able to cross the Rubicon. It's a hard pass.

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    A hit is a hit. No. Don’t make excuses. A hit to the face is very degrading . Yes , absolutely he should gather his support system ie his mom if there was abuse
    Originally Posted by claudeb
    Ps. It was a light slap on his face.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Violence and any sort of "psycho" behavior is an automatic deal breaker. Get help for your anger issues.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'll give you an answer from experience. I've been in a version of his shoes, not too long ago as it happens.

    I would forgive it, but only in my own head and heart. I would hope the woman gets help for her issues. But I would not let the person back into my life, ever, because the risk of letting the potential of violence back into my life is simply not worth exploring a connection with anyone. Physical violence is simply not something I have any interest in "working through" with someone, and don't think it should be for anyone.

    Don't underestimate the trauma of it, just because you are a woman, he is a man, and it was a "light slap." Speaking for myself, being attacked by a woman ranks very high on my list of traumatic experiences, and I'm no stranger to those. Heck, I've been jumped on the street by two men, I've been legit "beat up." That was less scary for me. I could fight back, for starters, and I had no emotional attachment to them.

    To be hit by someone who professes to "love" you—no. That is not love to me, or a love I want anywhere near me. It is not "acting like kids," but something else. A complete lack of impulse control, a very real screw that has come loose. A woman can cheat on me, take advantage of me, steal from me, manipulate me, rile me up, tear me up, wreak havoc on my self-esteem—I will never, ever lay a hand in those moments. I know this about myself, because I've been in all those situations.

    There is literally no excuse of physical violence, ever. If a female friend came to me saying her boyfriend "lightly slapped" her in a tense moment, I'd tell her to get out and never look back. The same goes with genders reversed, for the same reasons. If your relationship has reached that point it's done. If someone has shown themselves capable of hurting you like this, there is no space for them in your life.

    I know you're hurting, reeling. But you have to let this go. Your relationship was toxic, and is now over, not to be fixed. Take this as a big wakeup call, to take steps on getting your anger in check.

  11. #10
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    Another great post fm blue, I agree.

    I've been thinking about this a lot since posted, and although I'm not perfect by any stretch, when angry at a bf or any man, the impulse to slap, smack or hit never even occurred to me.

    I am not sure why now that I think about it, except knowing it's extremely disrespectful and if a man ever hit me, I'd feel very degraded.

    Unless he was physically attacking me and my life was threatened, in that case I would fight back.

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