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Thread: Help me stay away from him

  1. #1
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    Help me stay away from him

    I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now and it has been abusive from the start. He has always been suspicious of me cheating and lieing to him without any proof.

    At the start of the relationship he blocked me on everything and ended the relationship and in this time I slept with someone else. Well when we got back together he went through my phone and saw messages between me and the guy I slept with and totally lost it. He took my phone and purse and tried to throw me out of the hotel we were at with no clothes on. He strangled me and I was covered in bruises from him dragging me around. We ended up making up after that incident but he never got over me sleeping with someone else.

    He accuses me constantly of being with other guys behind his back. Would make show him my phone and all social media. It finally got to the point that he would go crazy over even past things before we were together that I deleted all my social media to avoid arguing and so he wouldn't think I was talking to other guys.
    This didn't help though. He says I have sex with my work colleagues, that I have guys over when he isn't there at my place. I'm too scared to go out because he will think I slept with someone else. He says I'm a liar and that's all I'll ever be. He has been cheated on in the past so I know he is paranoid because of that and because I was quiet a confident person and he knows I went a bit wild before we met and I was single for a year. But i don't know why he thinks I would still be like that if I love him?

    Anyways it has become physical a number of times as well. I have never once touched him or been violent towards him. He is 6ft 9 and I am only 5'1 but this hasn't stopped him back handing me in the face multiple times and my eye swelled shut. Strangled me multiple times. Both times to the point of becoming unconscious and the last time was only last week. In the incident last week he also grabbed my hair and started smashing my head into the car window. It all started because he said I lied about when I last smoked a cigarette and he was angry and I wouldn't get out of the car and begged him to talk. Well that's when he turned and screaming at me to get the f** out and started hurting me. I finally got out after I came around from being strangled. I ended up in an ambulance after he took off leaving me in the car park. The police were called but I refused to give a name or make a statement.

    He is currently out of state until the end of this week and its sick but I miss him. He hasn't spoken to me at all and not even to check on me.

    Please someone talk sense into me and tell me not to contact this man again. I feel like an idiot.

    Everyday he would call me a sl**, putrid, fat, stupid, he wouldn't kiss me because he said he knows I have been with other guys, asked me daily who I had sex with or did oral with, called me bi***, cu** and just about every other name you can think of.

    Why do I think so little of myself to put up with this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Walk away and into a therapist's office asap. Delete and block him and all his people on all messaging apps and social media. Get a restraining order. Call the police if he assaults you. Talk to any intelligent friends or family you can trust and confide in.

  3. #3
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    He is going to wind up killing you, OP. One of these times when he strangles you, you won't come to. Your loved ones will be left to identify you. If you can't bear the thought of actually leaving him, imagine how your family will cope with losing you to him.

    You already know he is violent, and dangerous to you. I would strongly suggest you let someone in your family, or a good friend, know what is happening to you. Sometimes exposing the abuse is enough to help us realize just how bad it is and have a softer place to fall when it ends.

    I would also advise you to get in touch with a local domestic abuse hotline, support center, or shelter. Explain what has happened. Many offer professional counseling or at least a trained ear to help you understand why you keep going back. They will likely also be able to help you navigate a break-up and stay safe after. Separation assault is a frighteningly common phenomenon when a victim leaves an abusive relationship and the abuser is enraged enough to seriously hurt them in retaliation.

    I am very sorry you're in this situation, but relieved you are reaching out for support here. It's a start. The rest will be up to you.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    no comment

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I have been seeing this guy for 6 months now and it has been abusive from the start. He has always been suspicious of me cheating and lieing to him without any proof.
    According to your previous postings, and unless I'm missing something, you broke up this past Jan/Feb after being in a 5 yr relationship with someone else. With that being said, the time frame doesn't seem to add up?

  7. #6
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    That was Jan/Feb 2018. I have been seeing this new guy since November 2018. Was single for nearly a year.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Do you not have a support system? Mother/father/siblings/good friend(s) that can get you to the therapy that will help you get over the addiction you have to this man? If you have nobody like that then please call an abuse hotline and get yourself into a shelter away from the animal.

    The police were called but I refused to give a name or make a statement.
    Why?
    Please someone talk sense into me and tell me not to contact this man again. I feel like an idiot.
    Are you saying you don't live together?

  9. #8
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    Get some professional help! Are you waiting for this guy to kill you?

    You have only known him since November? Do you usually get involved with abusive men? What do you get out of this?

    This is disturbing that you have tolerated this, and want to continue. Have you made contact with an abuse hotline/
    Last edited by Hollyj; 04-15-2019 at 06:10 PM.

  10. #9
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jelyse11
    That was Jan/Feb 2018. I have been seeing this new guy since November 2018. Was single for nearly a year.
    My apologies.


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